Gameweek XXIX (7-10 February 2014)

THE POWER OF MY COUSIN VINNY HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the weekend birthdays of Frankie Goes To Hollywood frontman Holly Johnson (54) and Goodfellas actor Joe Pesci (71).

THE CATEGORIES

Zinger Zowing Machine
ZINGER

“Billy makes a ‘Sharp’ exit” – (trad. arr. C Smith), after the returning hero’s 86th minute sending off

Engaged
HE SH*TS GOALS
  • Lee Gregory at FC Halifax Town – GAME POSTPONED
  • Andre Gray at Luton Town – GAME POSTPONED
  • Adam Le Fondre at Reading (again?!) – FAILED!
Begone!
…AND STAY OUT!

Nope. Bendtner’s still here….

Moyes
FRESH HELL

Arséne Wenger, according to Mikael Arteta

Posh
ARE YOU MY FAG?

Delano Sam-Yorke of Lincoln City

UNPLEASANT LOCAL DERBY
UNPLEASANT LOCAL DERBY

Tranmere Rovers v Preston North End &
Swansea City v Cardiff City.

Legendary Tony Gubba
STEALTH GUB

Chris: Brechin City 3-0 East Fife
Barney: Chelsea 3-0 Newcastle United
Howard : Walsall 0-3 Milton Keynes Dons
All finished three-nil, so all FAILED!

Miscellany

Boring Game of the Week: Salisbury City v Alfreton Town. A total of six shots at goal in the entire game, with only half that getting on target. Unsurprisingly finished nil-nil.

Crazy Highland League scores: Brora Rangers 9 Keith 0 (Dry Wyngarde) and Huntly 6 Rothes 0 (Mullah-ing).

The Results

OwlsThree
Chris O’Grady (Barnsley), David McGoldrick (Ipswich Town) and, once they found him, Nile Ranger (Swindon Town)

PoshFive
Adam Clayton (Huddersfield Town), Alex Pritchard (Swindon Town), Izale McLeod (Milton Keynes Dons)x2, Reuben Reid (Plymouth Argyle)

AddicksFive
Darren Bent (Fulham), David Mooney (Leyton Orient), Izale McLeod (Milton Keynes Dons) x2, Simon Francis (Bournemouth)

ArsenalFive
Anthony Stokes (Celtic), Emmanuel Adebayor (Tottenham Hotspur), Marouane Chamakh (Crystal Palace), Robin van Persie (Manchester United), Steve Sidwell (Fulham)

BladesSeven
Anthony Stokes (Celtic), Danny Philliskirk (Oldham Athletic), Izale McLeod (Milton Keynes Dons)x2, John-Joe O’Toole (Bristol Rovers), Nathan Dyer (Swansea City), and Simon Francis (Bournemouth)

OVERALL RESULT: LUFFY, RACKING UP ANOTHER WIN FOR THE BLADES!

Gameweek XXVIII (31st Jan – 3rd Feb & Tuesday/Wednesday 28-29th)

THE OPRAH WINFREY’S FLYING CIRCUS HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because, out of Pythonesque lunacy, Herr Barney has insisted on including last week’s midweeks games. More truthfully, this was due to the birthdays of Terry Jones (72) and celebrity crash-dieter Oprah Winfrey (60).

THE CATEGORIES

AN EVENING WITH PAUL ROBINSON
AN EVENING WITH PAUL ROBINSON

Doncaster Rovers v Middlesbrough: 3/23 shots on target
Hartlepool United v Scunthorpe United : only 5/17  on target
Norwich City v Newcastle United: only 5/30 shots  on target

Unsurprisingly, all three games finished goalless.

Those games may have seemed pretty dire, but spare a thought for the 337 spectators at the Queen’s Park – East Stirlingshire game:

East Stirling: 3 Shots but none on target 
Queen’s Park: 7 Shots but none on target

Engaged
HE SH*TS GOALS
  • Michael Smith (Swindon Town) – FAILED!
  • Adam Le Fondre (Reading) – SCORED!
  • Patrick Bamford (Derby County) – FAILED!
Brighton
DAY TRIP TO BRIGHTON

Fabian Delph (Aston Villa). Fortunately, the shame of the own goal was forgotten when Delph scored at the right end to win the game 4-3 at local rivals West Bromwich Albion.

Merson
MERSON VOUS ANGLAIS

“Big chance ‘Emerton’ (Everton) had just then.”

Haaland
WHERE’S ALF INGE?

Carlisle United 3-0 Milton Keynes Dons. 216 miles in a straight line.

Phone Box Action
LIVE FROM THE PHONE BOX

Oldham Athletic v Wolverhampton Wanderers and  Leyton Orient v Coventry City. Maybe the telecoms were under water…?

The Legendary Tony Gubba
STEALTH GUB

None predicted. Maybe they are too stealthy…?

Miscellany

A debut to forget for  Emmanuel Frimpong, obviously sulking about leaving London to have to go to Barnsley (seems reasonable). Was booked on 24 mins, and a second six minutes later.

Most sendings off in a game: Sheffield Wednesday v Barnsley (see above) – ended up as 10 vs 9.

And a notable home mullah-ing in the Conference (North) for  Boston United (6-0) against Gainsborough Trinity.

The Results

OwlsSix
Chris Brunt (West Bromwich Albion), Chris O’Grady (Barnsley), David McGoldrick (Ipswich Town)x2, Kenwyne Jones (Cardiff City), Ryan Lowe (Tranmere Rovers)

PoshNil
NONE! It’s all a conspiracy…

AddicksThree
David Mooney (Leyton Orient) , Jonjo Shelvey (Swansea City) , Michael Smith (Swindon Town)

ArsenalThree
Rhys Murphy (Dagenham & Redbridge), Robin van Persie(Manchester United) x2

BladesSeven
Chris Robertson (Port Vale), Kevan Hurst (Southend United), Kevin McDonald (Wolverhampton Wanderers) x2, Sam Vokes (Burnley)x2, Brian Howard (Birmingham City)

OVERALL RESULT: A NARROW WIN FOR LUFFY DESPITE STIFF COMPETITION FROM CHRIS!

Note: WITHOUT THE MIDWEEK RESULTS, THE RESULTS WOULD HAVE BEEN: Sheff U-2, Arsenal-2, Charlton-0, Posh-0…. Sheff W-3