Game 24 Season 2 (12-15 Dec)

THE SUPERGIRL’S BORING GIRLIE SHOW HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the birthdays of Supergirl actress Helen Slater (51), Girlie Show presenter Sara Cox (40) and boring TV pundit Paul Robinson (36)

Note – This edition has been pieced together from fragments sourced from the far-flung corners of the globe, whispers, rumours and guesswork. Also may be updated later…

THE CATEGORIES

No real Categories as such were to be found, however, there was one footnote:

It Don’t Mean Nothin’
Leon Clarke banging one in against one of his ex clubs, Sheffield Wednesday.

Miscellany

None (see above). But did you know that it’s against the law to burp, or sneeze in a church in Nebraska, USA? No? Well, now you do…

The Results

Chris Eagles (Bolton Wanderers)
Kenwyne Jones (Cardiff City)
Leon Clarke (Wolverhampton Wanderers) – counting double against his old team
Mickael Antoine-Curier (Hamilton Academical)
Miguel Llera (Scunthorpe United)
Reda Johnson (Coventry City)
Ross Barkley (Everton)
Vadaine Oliver (Mansfield Town on loan from Crewe Alexandra)

Lewin Nyatanga (Barnsley)
Nicky Ajose (Crewe Alexandra, on loan from Leeds United

Harry Arter (Bournemouth)
Jordan Cook (Walsall) x2
Leon Clarke (Wolverhampton Wanderers)
Miguel Llera (Scunthorpe United)
Yann Kermorgant (Bournemouth)

Anthony Stokes (Celtic)
Luke Ayling (Bristol City)
Robin van Persie (Manchester United)

Anthony Stokes (Celtic)
Billy Clarke (Bradford City)
David Cotterill (Birmingham City)

OVERALL RESULT: NO-ONE ELSE IN THIS ONE – A MASSIVE WIN FOR CHRIS AND THE OWLS!

December 26, 2014May 24, 2015

Game 23 Season 2 (5-8 Dec 2014)

THE MICKEY MOUSE’S GRAND DAY OUT ON SKY SPORTS NEWS HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the birthdays between the above dates of animator Nick Park (56), Jeff ‘Wiggy’ Stelling (59) and the anniversary of the birth of Walt Disney in 1901.

THE CATEGORIES

Zinger

A vintage crop this week. Possibly.

Howard: ‘Forfar’s {Stephen} Husband playing away’
Chris: ‘Dunfermaline couldn’t see {Ayr United’s Alan} Forrest for the trees’
Barney: ‘Did Forrest score with an ‘Ayr’ shot?’

An Evening With Paul Robinson
(Back by ‘Popular’ Demand)

No takers for dull games as far as I could see, maybe it’s the magic of the cup, Gary.

He S$!#s Goals

Paddy Madden (Scunthorpe United) – Yay!
Scott Rendell (Woking) – Nay!
Mirco Antonuccci (Leeds United) – Er…yes

Don’t Call Me Shirley

Jordan White of Livingston and Courtney Richards of Torquay United. Proof that androgyny stretches all over the UK.

Tony Craig’s Oyster

Apparently not. Maybe you need to set the auto-top up feature?

Where’s Russell Martin?

Just the 572 mile round trip for the Plymouth Argyle fans who pitched up at Bramall Lane to see their team beaten 3-0. And Reuben Reid missed a penalty, which was bad news for all of us but one…and who could that be, Barney??

Born In Burberry

Jarrett Rivers of Blyth Spartans and Forest Green’s Kurtis Guthrie are this week’s Friends Of Dappy, though the latter was probably called something else entirely by Soccer Saturday’s celebrity Hartlepool fan Jeff ‘Wiggy’ Stelling after Rivers’ late winner against the Monkeyhangers.

Stealth Gub

Howard – Stoke City v Arsenal called at 3-0 on 43 min, the reverse curse nearly worked, but annoyingly the man with wire wool for hair’s team took it 3-2
Chris – Derby County v Brighton & Hove Albion called at 3-0 on 20min…and there the scoring stopped
Barney – Millwall v Middlesbrough called at 0-3 on 34min, Finished 1-5, so closed but no coconuts.

Miscellany

This was orignally intended to be called something else. However, I failed to locate this amongst the myriad of associated notes. Sorry.

The Results

Daryl Murphy (Ipswich Town) x2
David McGoldrick (Ipswich Town)
Mark Burchill (Livingston)

Kieran Agard (Bristol City)
Kwesi Appiah (Cambridge United)

Danny Seaborne (Partick Thistle)
Harry Arter (Bournemouth)

Anthony Stokes (Celtic)
Robin van Persie (Manchester United) x2

Anthony Stokes (Celtic)
Billy Clarke (Bradford City)
John Egan (Gillingham)
Jon Stead (Bradford City, on loan from Huddersfield Town)
Mark Yeates (Bradford City)

OVERALL RESULT: A CLEAR WIN FOR LUFFY’S BLADES!

December 8, 2014December 19, 2014

Game 22 Season 2 (28 Nov – 1 Dec)

THERE’S something POINTLESS ABOUT AMY POND HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the weekend birthdays of Ben Stiller (49), Richard Osman (44) and Karen Gillan (28)

THE CATEGORIES

ZINGER
(Far, far) too many to choose from but Chris’ best was ‘Payne puts Dover through the barrier,’ followed by Howard’s excellent ‘Austin the Maestro for QPR’. Howard wins on points though no-one really wins.

HE SH@TS GOALS
David McGoldrick (Ipswich Town) – Nope
Britt Assombalonga (Nottingham Forest) – Yep!
Anthony Andreu (Hamilton Academical) – Nope

REVERSE CHURCHILL
Birthday boy Eddie Howe saw his Bournemouth team go in 2-0 at half-time, but after the break it was his players who gave away the presents as the game ended 2-2. The previous missive was so good Manish could’ve said it on the Football League Show.

KNOWN TO THE AUTHORITIES
On their best behaviour, though Darren Bent was cautioned by Mr Plod after an altercation with a 12 year old and a pellet gun…

DARWINISM IN ACTION
Bo’ness 0-5 Arbroath. Plucky part-timers on a cup run? Actually that could also apply to Arbroath, but there’s thirty-odd league places between them. Which is the difference between having a team bus and catching the bus.

LIVE FROM THE PHONE BOX
Spartans v Greenock Morton. Updates were arriving to Sky via mobile phone from Ainslie Park. Incidentally, Morton honoured the death of Scotsport legend and Morton fan Arthur Montford by losing in the last minute to the Lowland League Champions. Fine Work.

BENDTNER!
Glen Johnson’s first goal in 20 months was trumped by Noel Hunt’s first goal in two years. On loan at Ipswich from Leeds, where he’s failed to score to date.

STEALTH GUB
Howard called Bournemouth v Millwall called at 2-0 on 54min, out of sheer desperation. Finished 2-2
Chris called Partick Thistle v Hamilton Academical at 2-0 on 51min. Finished 2-1
Barney called Milton Keynes Dons v Colchester United at 3-0 on 46min. Finished SIX NIL!

Miscellany

This week, Oxford United gave a debut to John Campbell, a striker signed for £2,500 from the mighty Jarrow Roofing… Obviously times are hard and Jarrow don’t need a new set of goalposts…

The Results

Barry Corr (Southend United)
Benik Afobe (Milton Keynes Dons, on loan from Arsenal) x3

Britt Assombalonga (Nottingham Forest)
Kwesi Appiah (Cambridge United)
Reuben Reid (Plymouth Argyle)
Shaun Jeffers (Newport County)

Dany N’Guessan (Port Vale)
Darren Bent (Brighton and Hove Albion)
David Mooney (Leyton Orient)
Paul Benson (Luton Town)
Simon Walton (Stevenage)

Anthony Stokes (Celtic)
Gael Clichy (Manchester City)
Luke Freeman (Bristol City) x2
Robin van Persie (Manchester United)

Anthony Stokes (Celtic)
Billy Clarke (Bradford City)
John Egan (Gillingham) x2
Jon Stead (Bradford City, on loan from Huddersfield Town)
Michael Brown (Port Vale)
Nicky Law (Rangers) x2
Paul Gallagher (Preston North End)

OVERALL RESULT: MASSIVE WIN FOR LUFFY’S BLADES. WELL, IT MAKES A CHANGE FROM BARNEY

December 7, 2014May 24, 2015

Game 21 Season 2 (21-24 Nov)

THE Hulk’s 12 monkeys lost in translation HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the weekend birthdays of Mark Ruffalo (47; The Hulk actor who isn’t Bill Bixby or Lou Ferrigno), Twelve Monkeys director (amongst other better films) Terry Gilliam (74), and Lost In Translation star Scarlett Johannsen (30)

THE CATEGORIES

Zinger ZINGER
Mr Smith was in Whiteley-esque form, the pick of which was…
“Baker puts MK Dons on the rise”

However, Howard was a worthy adversary on the day, countering with:

“Andy Williams scores for Swindon, Darren Ferguson’s half-time chat will be anything other than Easy Listening”

Which drew the following Wildean response from Barney: “Balls”

He Shi*s Goals HE SH*TS GOALS
Gavin Swankie (Arbroath) – no, not even on his 31st Birthday
Mark Cullen (Luton Town) – no and it wasn’t his birthday
Jim Collins (Shrewsbury Town) – scored! 2 of them! And it wasn’t has birthday either, although maybe Christmas came early for him…

MAKE YA MA PROUD
Reading’s Alex Pearce – Scored an own goal and gave away the winning penalty. And that was his second yellow you say? The honours are his.

LOCAL BOY MAKES GOOD
Aristede Bassele, Senegal born, on Bournemouth’s books and on loan at Welling United, where he scored. Oh the glamour of it all. Another one in UKIP’s sights would be Amadou Bakoyoko, who netted for Southport via Walsall and Sierra Leone. Mind you, I think they might be able to cope without the need to claim benefits…

CLARIDGE CLOCK
Time stops for no man, apart from 39-years young Jamie Cureton and his 18 clubs, but an honourable mention to Ross County’s Jake Jervis, who has 12 clubs listed at just 23.

Glenn & Chris DIAMOND LIGHTS
Sean Dickson, Soup Dragons/Hi-Fidelity Singer/Guitarist and also Stenhousemuir’s leading goalscorer.

UNPLEASANT LOCAL DERBY
A true cloth-cap and smog special today. Blackpool v Bolton Wanderers, though Huddersfield Town v Sheffield Wednesday and Charlton Athletic v Millwall were also considered.

STEALTH GUB
Howard called Telford United v Braintree Town, at 0-3 on 44min. Finished 1-3.
Chris called Chelsea v West Bromwich Albion at 2-0 on 23min, and then the scoring stopped.
Barney Dumbarton v Hibernian called at 0-3 on 30. Finished with Hibs taking the set 3-6.

Miscellany

Altrincham’s Scott Leather’s 37th minute dismissal (one of three incidentally) in the game with Wrexham – needs no finishing off of the punchline…but we will. “Leather Leathered him”. Ahhh….

The Results

Daryl Murphy (Ipswich Town)
Gabriel Agbonlahor (Aston Villa)
Keith Treacy (Barnsley)
Matty Fryatt (Nottingham Forest)
Mickael Antoine-Curier (Hamilton Academical)
Vadaine Oliver (Mansfield Town on loan from Crewe Alexandra)

Britt Assombalonga (Nottingham Forest)
Dwight Gayle (Crystal Palace)
Izale McLeod (Crawley Town)
Jake Livermore (Hull City)
Jonathan Obika (Swindon Town) – counting double against his old club
Russell Martin (Norwich City)

David Mooney (Leyton Orient)
Izale McLeod (Crawley Town)
Jamal Campbell-Ryce (Sheffield United)
Jonathan Obika (Swindon Town)
Onome Sodje (Nuneaton Town)
Yann Kermorgant (Bournemouth)

Anthony Stokes (Celtic)
Henri Lansbury (Nottingham Forest)
Ryan Smith (Nuneaton Town)

Anthony Stokes (Celtic)
Izale McLeod (Crawley Town)
Jonathan Forte (Oldham Athletic) – counting double against his old club
Keith Treacy (Barnsley)
Lyle Taylor (Scunthorpe United)

OVERALL RESULT: BUT FOR BARNEY’S HONESTY IN POINTING OUT THAT JONATHAN OBIKA’S GOAL COUNTED DOUBLE, THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN A FOUR-WAY SPLIT…SO IT’S A WIN FOR THE POSH!