Game 29 Season 2 (9-12 Jan)

THE ‘GRILLED PROFESSOR UMBRIDGE AND MRS CROUCH’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the birthdays of George Foreman(66), Abbey Crouch (28) and Imelda Staunton (59)

THE CATEGORIES

Zinger
One each:
Howard – “Morton wondering O’Ware are the goals” {Thomas O’Ware made it 2-1 in an eventual 2-3 win at Stenhousemuir}
Chris – “Austin powers a penalty” {Charlie Austin’s goal for QPR was not enough to beat The Devil’s Burnley}
Barney – “Hopper scores from space” {Scunthorpe’s Tom Hopper scored on his debut in a 4-1 win at hapless Walsall}

He Sh*ts Goals
Matt Smith (Bristol City) – YES. One of four against Notts County
Tom Nichols (Exeter City) – NO
Andre Gray (Brentford) – NO

Don’t Call Me Shirley
I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley. All this masks the fact that this particular cupboard is bare.

Pagga!
In the red corner…..Matt James (Leicester City)…..and in the blue corner…. Ciaran Clark (Aston Villa) – both sent off after a confrontation at the end of the game

Local Boy Makes Good
Armand Gnanduillet (Chesterfield)

Where’s Russell Martin?
211 miles each way for the fans of Gillingham (presuming of course that they all live in the local area..football…global game…etc…la la la….) only to see a 3-1 defeat at Crewe Alexandra

Live From The Phone Box
Disconnected!

Law Firm
Jackson Longridge (of Stranraer FC….or maybe a team of smiling lawyers all making money from our misery)

Stealth Gub
Barney: called Dumbarton v Heart of Midlothian at 0-2 on 27 min. Finished 1-5
Chris: called Exeter City v Northampton Town at 0-2 on 24 min. And there the scoring stopped
Howard: called Crawley Town v Milton Keynes Dons at 1-0 on 30min. Crawley had lost their goalkeeper with a dislocated finger. Naturally, the expected onslaught turned into a 2-2 draw. Curses…

Miscellany

Tom Hopper and Michael Cain (no, not THAT one) – both Leicester City loanees, scored on opposite sides for Walsall and Scunthorpe United

The Results

Daryl Murphy (Ipswich Town)

Dwight Gayle (Crystal Palace)
Izale McLeod (Crawley Town) x2
Jonathan Obika (Swindon Town)
Nicky Ajose (Crewe Alexandra, on loan from Leeds United)
Peter Grant (Falkirk)
Saido Berahino (West Bromwich Albion)

Izale McLeod (Crawley Town) x2
Jamal Campbell-Ryce (Sheffield United)
Jonathan Obika (Swindon Town)
Paul Konchesky (Leicester City)
Simon Walton (Stevenage)

Jay Emmanuel-Thomas (Bristol City)

Izale McLeod (Crawley Town) x2
John-Joe O’Toole (Northampton Town)
Jon Stead (Bradford City, on loan from Huddersfield Town)
Nicky Law (Rangers)
Simon Walton (Stevenage)

OVERALL RESULT: A NARROW WIN FOR BARNEY AND THE POSH!

January 25, 2015April 20, 2015

Game 28 Season 2 (2-5 Jan 2015)

THE ‘BILBO’S LETHAL WEAPON IN DALLAS’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the anniversary of the birth of JRR Tolkien (1872), and the weekend birthdays of Mel Gibson (59) and Victoria Principal (65)

THE CATEGORIES

Zinger
“Knott a good start from Millwall” {Billy Knott, scoring in the 4-0 win over Millwall}
“Taylor-made start for Blackburn” {that would be Chris Taylor, scoring after 4 minutes away at Charlton Athletic in a 2-1 win for Blackburn Rovers}

He Sh*ts Goals
James Keatings (Heart of Midlothian) – NO!
Michael Moffat (Ayr United) – NO!
Mark Cullen (Luton Town) – AND THRICE NO!

Reverse Churchill
Rotherham United’s Steve Evans. 1-1 at Half Time. Full-time? 1-5. Oops. That was some team-talk…

Tony Craig’s Oyster Card
Nope! Damn you TfL…

It Don’t Mean Nuthin’
No grudges to be found…

Born In Burberry
Definitely Shaquille Coulthirst of Southend United. And maybes of Courtney Meppen-Walter of Carlisle United and Cole Stockton of Tranmere Rovers.

You’re Not A Kid Anymore
Debut for this category I think and we have our first ‘kid’ – Matty Taylor of Bristol Rovers. It’s Matthew! Matt, if you have to. Matty is for when you’re in short trousers (and maybe a shopping trolley too!)

Stealth Gub

These are guesses, but I think it went as follows:
Barney called Derby County v Southport at 0-0 on 24min.
Finished 1-0
Howard called Berwick Rangers v 3-0 at 45min. And then the scoring stopped.
Chris called Blyth Spartans v 2-0 Birmingham City. Brave/foolish call, as Birmingham turned it around to 2-3 and end ‘plucky’ Blyth’s cup run.

Miscellany

Currently on its’ winter break…

The Results

Chris Brunt (West Bromwich Albion)
Chris O’Grady (Brighton and Hove Albion)
Kenwyne Jones (Cardiff City)
Marcus Tudgay (Coventry City)

Dwight Gayle (Crystal Palace)
Saido Berahino (West Bromwich Albion) x4

Jamal Campbell-Ryce (Sheffield United)x2
Marcus Tudgay (Coventry City)
Ricardo Fuller (Millwall)x2
Yann Kermorgant (Bournemouth)

Rhys Murphy (Dagenham and Redbridge)

Adam Chapman (Newport County)
Chris O’Grady (Brighton and Hove Albion)
Christian Nade (Raith Rovers)
Jordan Chappell (Torquay United)
Nathan Dyer (Swansea City)
Nick Blackman (Reading)
Paul Gallagher (Preston North End) x2
Sam Vokes (Burnley)

OVERALL RESULT: LUFFY’S BLADES BLOW EVERYONE ELSE OUT OF THE WATER THIS TIME!

January 7, 2015April 20, 2015

Game 27 Season 2 (27-29 Dec)

THE ‘AMAZING FACTORY GIRL’S WHEELS OF STEEL’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the birthdays on the 27th of The Amazing Spiderman’s Stan Lee (92), Factory Girl’s Sienna Miller (33) and Paul ‘Quinny’ Quinn of Yorkshire rock legends, Saxon (63)

THE CATEGORIES

He Sh*ts Goals
Andre Gray (Brentford) – NO
Jed Wallace (Plymouth Argyle) – NO
Stefan Payne (Dover Athletic) – YES!

Tony Craig’s Oyster Card
Again, nothing. I blame the Overground…

Fresh Hell
Steve Bruce’s Hull City go down 1-0…at home…to TEN MAN Leicester City….yes, that would count.

Born In Burberry
Charlee Adams (Lincoln City). What was wrong with spelling Charlie correctly, Mr and Mrs Adams?? Next stop, The Jeremy Kyle Show!

Cavendish To Wiggy
Nope!

Miscellany

The title was again losts in the mists of time, just the birthday people was provided, so this has been cobbled together.

The Results

Danny Batth (Wolverhampton Wanderers) og
Danny Mayor (Bury)
Darren Potter (Milton Keynes Dons) og
Kenwyne Jones (Cardiff City)
Ryan Lowe (Bury)

Britt Assombalonga (Nottingham Forest)
Charlie Lee (Stevenage)
George Boyd (Burnley)

Adebayo Azeez (AFC Wimbledon) x2
Dean Parrett (Stevenage)
Harry Arter (Bournemouth)
Jonjo Shelvey (Swansea City) og
Kevin Lisbie (Leyton Orient)
Scott Wagstaff (Bristol City)
Yann Kermorgant (Bournemouth)

At last a clean sheet!

Danny Batth (Wolverhampton Wanderers) og
David Cotterill (Birmingham City)

OVERALL RESULT: ONLY ONE TEAM IN THIS – MAT & EMMA’s CHARLTON!

January 7, 2015January 17, 2015

Game 26 Season 2 (Boxing Day)

THE ALL YOU NEED 24/7 – UNBELIEVABLE! HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the seasonal birthdays of Dido (44!!?!), twentyfourseven director Shane Meadows (also, but more believably, 44), and legendary SSN pundit Chris Kamara (57)

THE CATEGORIES

Zinger
A bumper collection from Jeff Stelling:

On Chris Basham’s sending off at Port Vale: “taking his name too literally”

Fabian Speiss (for Torquay v Bristol Rovers) – “good old speiss”

“Rodolph [Austin, Leeds United] getting involved in some arguments in midfield, yes – Rodolph involved in some sledging”

Ivan toney (see below under PAGGA!) sent off for Northampton Town – “Toney – he wont receive any awards for that one”

Jelle Vossen[Middlesbrough] – “making Notts Forest look wobbly”

“[Jermaine] Easter at Christmas for Millwall!”

“[Erik, of Stoke City] Pieters and [referee, Lee]Mason…Peters and Lee performing at Goodison this afternoon”

An Evening With Paul Robinson
Nothing too unexciting here

He Sh*ts goals
Rory ‘the plumber’ McAllister (Peterhead) – No (but didnt score on the 27th either, when the Scottish leagues played)
Graziano Pelle (Southampton) – No
Danny Hylton (Oxford United) – And thrice No

Pagga!
Oh yes. A boxing day, quite literally. Ivan Toney of Northampton Town and Hayden White of Bury indulged in some unseemly fisticuffs. No doubt they shared some brandy and mince pies after the game though…

Known To The Authorities
No. Clean records all round…but how? Was it those superinjunctions again?

Darwinism In Action
Nothing. And get a shave Charles!

Bendtner!
Toby Alderweirdeld’s first for two years. Mind you, he is classed as a defender…

Stealth Gub
None called!

Miscellany

George Ray’s red card in the win over Oldham Athletic was his 2nd in 6 games for the Crewe Alexandra defender. Add four yellows to that tally for his disciplinary record so far this season.

The Results

Barry Corr (Southend United)
Danny Mayor (Bury) X 2
Daryl Murphy (Ipswich Town)
Jimmy Smith (Crawley Town)
Tom Soares (Bury)

Ben Nugent (Brentford)
Charlie Lee (Stevenage)
Chris Whelpdale (Stevenage)
James Chester (Hull City)
Jonson Clarke-Harris (Rotherham United)
Lee Frecklington (Rotherham United)
Nicky Ajose (Crewe Alexandra x2, on loan from Leeds United)

Dany N’Guessan (Port Vale)
David Mooney (Leyton Orient)
Harry Arter (Bournemouth)
Jamal Campbell-Ryce (Sheffield United)
Michael Smith (Swindon Town)
Onome Sodje (Nuneaton Town)
Tom Soares (Bury)

Jay Emmanuel-Thomas (Bristol City)
Robin van Persie (Manchester United)

Conor Coady (Huddersfield Town)
Paul Gallagher (Preston North End)

OVERALL RESULT: NARROW WIN IN THE END FOR BARNEY AND THE POSH

January 7, 2015May 24, 2015

Game 25 Season 2 (19-22 Dec)

THE JULES WINNFIELD KNOCKED UP HANOI JANE HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of Pulp Fiction’s Samuel L Jackson (66), Jonah Hill (31) and Jane Fonda (77)

THE CATEGORIES

Zinger
“Jamie Ness’s scored for Crewe – Elliott would be pleased”
(Jeff Stelling)

He Sh*ts Goals
Matty Fryatt (Nottingham Forest) – Yes!
Darren Potter (Milton Keynes Dons) – Yes!
Chris O’Grady (Sheffield United)- Nooooo…

Make Ya Ma Proud
Conrad Balatoni? Partick Thistle’s Captain scored an own goal with the last kick of the game. Yes, that’ll count…

Day Trip To Brighton
Very rare at any time; none to be found this time round

Claridge Clock
Daniel Nardiello (10 clubs for the veteran striker). Chris Holroyd of Macclesfield Town came close with 9 different clubs…close but no.

Diamond Lights
Sean McGuire (Accrington Stanley and the ex-Grange Hill actor/singer)

Unpleasant Local Derby
Oh, I dunno. How about Newcastle United v Sunderland? Ah…

Stealth Gub
Barney was the only one to call a game this time and called Cardiff City v Brentford at 3.46pm. Which ended 2-3. Ah.

Miscellany

jay Tabb scored his first goal in 47 games. If there had been Bendtner! on the list, this would have been a great example.

The Results

Benik Afobe (Milton Keynes Dons, on loan from Arsenal)
Chris O’Grady (Sheffield United, on loan from Brighton and Hove Albion)
Danny Batth (Wolverhampton Wanderers)
Darren Potter (Milton Keynes Dons)
Daryl Murphy (Ipswich Town)
Kenwyne Jones (Cardiff City)
Matty Fryatt (Nottingham Forest)
Rory McArdle (Bradford City)
Vadaine Oliver (Mansfield Town on loan from Crewe Alexandra)

Alex Pritchard (Brentford)
Charlie Lee (Stevenage)
Reuben Reid (Plymouth Argyle) x2

Charlie MacDonald (Barnet)
Darren Bent (Brighton and Hove Albion, on loan from Aston Villa)
Harry Arter (Bournemouth)

Cesc Fabregas (Chelsea)
Conor Henderson (Crawley Town)
Craig Eastmond (Colchester United)

Billy Sharp (Leeds United)
Craig Beattie (Ayr United)
Danny Batth (Wolverhampton Wanderers)
David Cotterill (Birmingham City)
John Egan (Gillingham)
Michael Brown (Port Vale)

OVERALL RESULT: A VERITABLE ORGY OF THOSE GOALS, GOALS, GOALS FROM MR. SMITH’S OWLS!