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Game 33 Season 2 (6-9 Feb)

THE ‘WAIT IN VAIN FOR TRACY BEAKER AND JOHN STEED’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the birthdays of Patrick Macnee (93!), Dani Harmer (who played Tracy Beaker, or so I’m told, and who was 26), and it would have been Jacob’s brother Bob Marley’s 70th on this weekend (nb: at 70 he could have claimed that his drugs were to ease the pains in his joints, not that the joints were easing his pains…)

THE CATEGORIES

ZingerZinger
My favourite bit – but blank! I mourn the lack of Zingers this week

He Shi*s GoalsHe Sh*ts Goals
Andy Williams at Swindon Town and Jed Wallace at Portsmouth were both on the ‘No’ Tribe, but Gavin Reilly of Queen of the South was a definite Yes

Make Ya Ma ProudMake Ya Ma Proud
Aldershot Town’s Chris Barker – an own goal and sent off in what is usually called an “eventful” debut

And stay out!,,,And Stay Out!
Adam Rooney – bounced around between Macclesfield Town, Inverness Caledonian Thistle, Birmingham City and Aberdeen. This is textbook stuff… and there’s more!…
Greg Tansey – Inverness Caledonian Thistle (again – what is it with them?!) to Stockport County to Inverness Caledonian Thistle (see!), to Stevenage and back again to Inverness Caledonian Thistle

Fresh HellFresh Hell
None found at the time, but what’s that I spy? Mick McCarthy’s side going down 2-0 to Rotherham United on his return to South Yorkshire? That’ll do!

Live From The Phone BoxLive From The Phone Box
This week sponsored by Craven Cottage!! (Modern footie stadium???), but less surprisingly, the Western Homes Stadium, Colchester and Tranmere Rovers’ Prenton Park (here, the modern telephone wires may have been nicked by some scallies)

Bendtner!Bendtner!
Kevin Davies of Preston North End, with his first in THIRTY SIX games. His team-mates were thinking of drawing him a  map…

Stealth GubStealth Gub
Chris – Norwich City v Blackpool – called at 2-0 on 20 min.
Finished 4-0 – FAIL!
Howard – Wigan Athletic v Bournemouth – called at 0-2 on 41 min.
Finished 1-3 – FAIL!
Barney – Livingston v Heart of Midlothian – called at 0-1 on 5 min
Finished 2-3 – FAIL!

Miscellany

Nothing this time

The Results

sheffield-wednesday-box
FiveBenik Afobe (Wolverhampton Wanderers)
Chris Brunt (West Bromwich Albion)
Kenwyne Jones (Cardiff City) – counting double against old team
Leon Clarke (Wigan Athletic, on loan from Wolverhampton Wanderers)


SevenAlex Pritchard (Brentford)
Arron Davies (Exeter City)
Hogan Ephraim (Wycombe Wanderers, on loan from Queen’s Park Rangers)
Izale McLeod (Crawley Town)
Lee Tomlin (Middlesbrough)
Nicky Ajose (Crewe Alexandra, on loan from Leeds United)
Tyrone Barnett (Shrewsbury Town)

charlton02
FiveHogan Ephraim (Wycombe Wanderers, on loan from Queen’s Park Rangers)
Izale McLeod (Crawley Town)
Jordan Cook (Walsall)
Leon Clarke (Wigan Athletic, on loan from Wolverhampton Wanderers)
Yann Kermorgant (Bournemouth)


TwoBenik Afobe (Wolverhampton Wanderers)
Henri Lansbury (Nottingham Forest)


SixBilly Clarke (Bradford City)
Chris Porter (Colchester United)
Christian Nade (Raith Rovers)
David Cotterill (Birmingham City)
Izale McLeod (Crawley Town)
Lyle Taylor (Partick Thistle, on loan from Scunthorpe United)

OVERALL RESULT: A WIN FOR BARNEY. NOW WASN’T THAT WORTH WAITING FOR?

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Game 32 Season 2 (30 Jan – 2 Feb)

THE Polly Sherman and Johnny Rotten’s Friends With Benefits
HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the birthdays of Connie Booth (71), John Lydon (58), Justin Timberlake (34) all on the 31st of January

THE CATEGORIES

ZingerZinger
“Wiggy says ‘Franks’ very much to the Hartlepool midfielder”
– H Quick, esq. on Jonathan’s goal for Jeff ‘Wiggy’ Stelling’s beloved Monkeyhangers
“Sterling pounds West Ham” – Barney. Raheem probably went off for a rest shortly afterwards

He Shi*s GoalsHe Sh*ts Goals
This week, sponsored by Imodium(TM):
Danny Ings at Burnley, Hugo Rodellaga at Fulham and Falkirk’s Rory Loy all failed to trouble the scoresheet.

DON'T CALL ME SHIRLEYDon’t Call Me Shirley
No

Day Trip To BrightonDay Trip To Brighton
Straight as a really straight thing

Tony Craig's Oyster CardTony Craig’s Oyster Card
Another blank!

Local Boy Makes GoodLocal Boy Makes Good
Sanmi Odelusi of Coventry, was a possible, except for the fact of him being born in Dagenham.  Honour is maintained by Dartmouth University’s (Nickname The Big Green) centre back Kevin Dzierzawski who was holidaying over here and got himself a game and a goal for Queen Of The South.  This was known as ‘A Trialist’ in back in the day – and confirmed HERE. Additionally, his first name is Randy, and is the son of a Randy. Yes, it’s ok to snigger a bit…

Glenn & ChrisDiamond Lights
The Blades’ Jamie Murphy.  Also moonlights as Space guitarist (yes, they are still around)…

Stealth GubStealth Gub
Almost a clean sweep:
Howard – Crewe Alexandra v Milton Keynes Dons, called at 0-3 on 42 min. Finished 0-5!
Chris – Cowdenbeath v Queen Of The South, called at 0-3 on 51 min. Finished 0-5!
Barney – Manchester United v Leicester City, called at 3-0 on 41 min. Finished 3-1…

Miscellany

In keeping with much of this week’s entry, it’s blank here too…

The Results

sheffield-wednesday-box
Three
Ben Marshall (Blackburn Rovers)
Connor Wickham (Sunderland)
Vadaine Oliver (Mansfield Town on loan from Crewe Alexandra)


OneScott Rendell (Woking)

charlton02
Three
Jonjo Shelvey (Swansea City)
Ricardo Fuller (Millwall)
Yann Kermorgant (Bournemouth)


TwoJay Emmanuel-Thomas (Bristol City)
Robin van Persie (Manchester United)


SevenAndy Butler (Doncaster Rovers)
Billy Sharp (Leeds United)
Chris Porter (Colchester United)
Christian Nade (Raith Rovers)
Darius Henderson (Leyton Orient)
Harry Bunn (Huddersfield Town)
Jonathan Forte (Oldham Athletic)

OVERALL RESULT: LUFFY’S BLADES BLOW EVERYONE ELSE AWAY WITH A MAGNIFICENT SEVEN!

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Game 31 Season 2 (23-26 Jan)

THE Mrs Martell and Mr Hitler’s Big Night Out HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the weekend birthdays of Piper Laurie (83), Ade Edmondson (58) and Vic Reeves (56).

THE CATEGORIES

ZingerZinger
Three Crackers from Jeff Stelling:
“The only other time pat bamford had been to the Etihad
was to see Bon Jovi. now its Man City who are living on
a prayer!” [Bamford had just scored for Middlesbrough v Manchester City]

“Chris Smith…one of four Smiths who play for Stirling Albion, sent off. Heaven knows he’s miserable now!”

[Nick Ross scored for Hamilton Academical at Inverness Caledonian Thistle] – “Don’t have nightmares…well, Hamilton are”

He Shi*s GoalsHe Sh*ts Goals
Hibernians’ Jason Cummings scored 8 in 6 but even he couldn’t overcome the dread hand of Barney, nor could Peterhead’s Ryan MacAllister, but John-Joe O’Toole somehow found the net for Northampton Town.

Hurricane GwynneHurricane Gwynne
Back from the darts, the veteran pie fancier was in voluble form at the Manchester City – Middlesbrough game.  Click below for a sound clip from said explosion.

Reverse ChurchillReverse Churchill
Lee Clark’s rousing invective saw his Blackpool team capitulate in sterling fashion, 2-0 up at half time to 2-7 at the final whistle.  A name change may be in the offing.

Known To The AuthoritiesKnown To The Authorities
Troy Deeney at Watford.  Just a few counts to consider, m’lud.

It Dont Mean NuthinIt Don’t Mean Nuthin’
A few chances for bitter revenge here, though all went a-begging

Where's Russell Martin?Where’s Russell Martin?
Those 222 miles back to Blackpool from Vicarage Road must have just flown by (approx 3 hours 40 minutes)

Stealth GubStealth Gub
Just the one, as Chris cried ‘Work’, Barney cried ‘Lies’ and Howard just cried(?).  But Mr Quick did call the Watford-Blackpool gub at 4-2, which finished 7-2.  Chapeau!

Youre not a kid anymoreYou’re Not A Kid Anymore
Everyone was all grown up today sadly, no Matties or Stevies to be found anywhere. Except on the Jeremy Kyle show…

Miscellany

Round of applause for St Mirren’s Yoann Arquin.  Not content with seeing red against former club Inverness Caledonian Thistle three matches ago, the midfielder collects another two yellows on Saturday, the second being for repeated diving.

The Results

sheffield-wednesday-box
Three
Chris O’Grady (Brighton and Hove Albion)
Kenwyne Jones aka “Jones The Goals” (Cardiff City)
Richard Cresswell (York City)


FiveAlex Pritchard (Brentford)
Arron Davies (Exeter City)
Emile Sinclair (York City)
Nicky Ajose (Crewe Alexandra, on loan from Leeds United)
Reuben Reid (Plymouth Argyle)

charlton02
Three
Adebayo Azeez (AFC Wimbledon)
Charlie MacDonald (Barnet)
Darren Bent (Derby County, on loan from Aston Villa)


TwoMarouane Chamakh (Crystal Palace) x2


NineChris O’Grady (Brighton and Hove Albion)
Conor Coady (Huddersfield Town)
Dominic Poleon (Oldham Athletic)
Gary Cahill (Chelsea)
John-Joe O’Toole (Northampton Town)
Jon Stead (Bradford City, on loan from Huddersfield Town)
Mark Yeates (Bradford City)
Paul Gallagher (Preston North End) – counting double against old club

OVERALL RESULT: EVERYONE ELSE BLOWN AWAY BY LUFFY’S BLADES! WOOOAR!

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Game 30 Season 2 (16-19 Jan)

THE ‘I CREATED THE THING ON A 747’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the weekend birthdays of Calvin Harris (36), John Carpenter (67) and Biff Byford (64)

THE CATEGORIES

ZingerZinger
One from each of us again:
Chris: “Referee slams [Lewis] Dunk!” {sent off for Brighton & Hove Albion in the game against Brentford
Barney: “Sam Smith’s number one for Telford”
Howard: “Noel Hunt’s having a ball”

He Shi*s GoalsHe Sh*ts Goals
Colin McMenamin (Stenhousemuir) – NO
Callum Wilson (Bournemouth) – YES
Danny Hylton (Oxford United) – NO

And stay out!…And Stay Out!
Or not, as it happened…

Fresh HellFresh Hell
Jody Brown’s Grays Athletic – 2 down at home to Alfreton from 2 penalties
Sean Dyche – losing a 2-0 home advantage, with the visitors scoring 3 ensuring that Burnley’s first team spend an eternity in Hell

Are You My Fag?Are You My Fag?
Nothing. Damned commoners

Claridge ClockClaridge Clock
Rowan Vine and his 15 clubs…

Stealth GubStealth Gub
Success all round for once!
Howard: Watford v Charlton Athletic at 3-0 on 44min. Finished 5-0!
Chris: Swansea v Chelsea at 0-3 on 32min. Finished 0-5!
Barney: Hibernian v Cowdenbeath at 0-2 on 33min. Finished 0-5!

Law FirmLaw Firm
Two weeks, two appearances. This week sponsored by:
Morgyn Neill (Ayr and possibly Criminal Law)
Waide Fairhurst (Macclesfield Town and possible Tax Specialists)

Miscellany

Nothing.

The Results

sheffield-wednesday-box
FiveBarry Corr (Southend United)
Benik Afobe (Wolverhampton Wanderers)
Danny Mayor (Bury)
Mike Jones (Oldham Athletic)
Vadaine Oliver (Mansfield Town on loan from Crewe Alexandra)


FiveBritt Assombalonga (Nottingham Forest)
Dwight Gayle (Crystal Palace) x2
Lee Tomlin (Middlesbrough) x2

charlton02
OneDavid Mooney (Leyton Orient)


FiveBenik Afobe (Wolverhampton Wanderers)
Henri Lansbury (Nottingham Forest) og
Jay Emmanuel-Thomas (Bristol City)
Luke Freeman (Bristol City)
Sebastian Larsson (Sunderland)


OnePaul Gallagher (Preston North End)

OVERALL RESULT: A THREE WAY  SPLIT BETWEEN THE POSH, THE OWLS AND ER…THE GUNNERS. BLAST.