Game 42 Season 2 (20-23 Mar)

THE ‘MR PRICKLEPANTS RED-CARDED ON A SATURDAY’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the weekend birthdays of the worst James Bond actor, Timothy Dalton (you were great in Flash Gordon though, Tim!) who was 69 (oo-er), Lee ‘red card’ Cattermole was 27, and Rochelle Wiseman, whoever you are, apparently you were 39. (EDIT: Apparently now has the married name Humes, but this doesn’t help…)

THE CATEGORIES

ZingerZinger
“Notts County – Beware of Mr Baker” (Howard) – which would apply to both Carl and Lewis on this occasion
[Harry] “Kane is certainly able” (Barney)
“Michael ‘Rose’ to the challenge” (Chris)

He Shi*s GoalsHe Sh*ts Goals
Olivier Giroud (Arsenal) – Three ticks from the Barn!
Bryan Prunty (Ayr United) – NO
Aaron Wilbraham (Bristol City) – NO

Hurricane GwynneHurricane Gwynne
No evidence due to the pub blaring out a terrible cacophony at unacceptable levels (ie you can hear it). Toploader may also be involved…

Pagga!Pagga!
Teams this week listened to Freddie Mercury’s advice – “Stop all the fighting”

Merson Vous AnglaisMerson Vous Anglais
Avey-voo urn beer? Non!

It Dont Mean NuthinIt Don’t Mean Nuthin’
Mike Gardyne of Ross County scored a big fat zero in 23 games on loan at Kilmarnock. Cue inevitable goal against old club…

Bendtner!Bendtner!
Runner-up: Michael Rose (see earlier) of Rochdale – first in 14 months.
Winner: Jamie Vardy (Leicester City) – first in TWO YEARS (no wonder Nigel Pearson’s going mental)

Stealth GubStealth Gub
Barney
– called Barnet v Welling United at 3-0 on 43min – Finished 5-0 – GUB!!
Howard
– called Celtic v Dundee United at 0-3 on 43min – Finished 3-0 – FAILED!
Chris
– called Newcastle United v Arsenal (thanks Chris!) at 0-2 on 30min – Finished 1-2 – FAILED!

Miscellany

Nothing to report.

The Results

sheffield-wednesday-box
ThreeJon-Paul McGovern (Ayr United)
Lee Grant (Derby County) og
Lewis Baker (Milton Keynes Dons, on loan from Chelsea)


FiveAlex Pritchard (Brentford)
Izale McLeod (Crawley Town)
Jonson Clarke-Harris (Rotherham United)
Mark Little (Bristol City)
Scott Rendell (Woking)

charlton02
FourHarry Arter (Bournemouth)
Izale McLeod (Crawley Town)
Martyn Waghorn (Wigan Athletic)
Yann Kermorgant (Bournemouth)


OneBen Chorley (Portsmouth) og


SevenChris Porter (Colchester United)
Elliott Whitehouse (Notts County)
Izale McLeod (Crawley Town)
Jon-Paul McGovern (Ayr United)
Jon Stead (Bradford City, on loan from Huddersfield Town)
Matt Kilgallon (Blackburn Rovers) – og
Stephen McGinn (Dundee)

OVERALL RESULT: A CLEAR WIN FOR LUFFY’S BLADES!

Game 41 Season 2 (Midweek Madness) – 16 & 17 March

THE ‘BLOODY BRITAIN BELIEVES IN LOOSE WOMEN’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE (MIDWEEK MADNESS)

So named because of the weekend birthdays of Rory Mc Grath (59), Justin Hawkins (39) and Ruth Langsford (55). Rory presents Bloody Britain, Justin believes in a thing called love and Ruth is a Loose Woman.

THE CATEGORIES

Nothing this week as it’s a slimline ‘midweek madness’ edition….

Miscellany

Again. Blank. Not even Blankety Blank…

The Results

sheffield-wednesday-box
SixBarry Corr (Southend United)
Benik Afobe (Wolverhampton Wanderers)
Chris Eagles (Charlton Athletic)
Martin Taylor (Brentford)
Michail Antonio (Nottingham Forest)
Richard Wood (Crawley Town, on loan from Rotherham United)


ThreeIzale McLeod (Crawley Town)
Jonathan Obika (Swindon Town)
Tyrone Barnett (Shrewsbury Town)

charlton02
SixFrank Nouble (Coventry City)
Harry Arter (Bournemouth)
Izale McLeod (Crawley Town)
Jonathan Obika (Swindon Town)
Michael Smith (Swindon Town)
Richard Wood (Crawley Town, on loan from Rotherham United)


ThreeAbu Ogogo (Dagenham and Redbridge)
Benik Afobe (Wolverhampton Wanderers)
Jay Emmanuel-Thomas (Bristol City)


OneIzale McLeod (Crawley Town)

OVERALL RESULT: SPOILS SHARED – HALF EACH FOR CHRIS (AGAIN) AND THE OWLS AND MAT & EMMA’S ADDICKS!

Game 40 Season 2 (13-16 Mar)

THE ‘ALFIE’S BIRD COMES A CROPPER’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the weekend birthdays of Sir Michael Caine (82), Linda Robson from Birds of a Feather (57) and David Neilson (“Roy Cropper” from Corrie – age 66)

THE CATEGORIES

ZingerZinger
Somrething like… “Sole gives Telford the boot” (Howard) – the Woking striker scored in a 3-1 win at Telford United…
and the rest was lost on the torn corner of a page, but may have had something from Barney about a player called Forrest

He Shi*s GoalsHe Sh*ts Goals
Harry Kane (Spurs) – NO. Two in the previous game and a hat-trick the week after this. Ahhh…
Jack Redshaw (Morecambe) – NO
James Lister (Airdrieonians) – NO. Maybe due to a red card the previous week
ALL SUCCESSFUL!!

Local Boy Makes GoodLocal Boy Makes Good
Ibra Sekija (Uganda) scores for Livingston

Darwinism In ActionDarwinism In Action
Bournemouth 4-0 Blackpool

UNPLEASANT LOCAL DERBYUnpleasant Local Derby
Preston North End v Crewe Alexandra. Say. No. More.

Stealth GubStealth Gub
Barney
– called Crystal Palace v Queen’s Park Rangers at 3-0 on 44min – Finished 3-1 – FAILED!
Howard
– called Sunderland v Aston Villa  at 0-3 on 27min- Finished 0-4 – FAILED!
Chris
– called Leyton Orient v Yeovil Town at 2-0 on 9min – Finished 3-0 – FAILED!

Law FirmLaw Firm
Ellis Harrison (Bristol Rovers)

Youre not a kid anymoreYou’re Not A Kid Anymore
Stevie May (Sheffield Wednesday) who is now 26! (And possibly works part-time on the Dodgems)

Miscellany

Nothing here. Move along please.

The Results

sheffield-wednesday-box
SevenBarry Corr (Southend United)
Daryl Murphy (Ipswich Town)
Gabriel Agbonlahor (Aston Villa) x2
Marcus Tudgay (Coventry City)
Mike Jones (Oldham Athletic)
Ross Barkley (Everton)


FiveGeorge Boyd (Burnley)
Izale McLeod (Crawley Town)
Lewin Nyatanga (Barnsley) x2
Scott Rendell (Woking)

charlton02
ThreeFrank Nouble (Coventry City)
Izale McLeod (Crawley Town)
Marcus Tudgay (Coventry City)


TwoJermaine Pennant (Wigan Athletic) x2


FourDavid Cotterill (Birmingham City)
Izale McLeod (Crawley Town)
Jon Stead (Bradford City, on loan from Huddersfield Town)
Matt Phillips (Queen’s Park Rangers)

OVERALL RESULT: IS THAT FOUR WINS IN A ROW FOR THE WEDNESDAY? WHY, YES!

Game 39 Season 2 (6-9 Mar)

THE ‘EVIE CARNAHAM ELBOWED IN THE ANTARCTICS’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the weekend birthdays of Rachel Weisz, who played Evie in The Mummy (45!?!), Guy Garvey of Elbow (41) and Ranulph (not too Ranulphs about these days) Fiennes (71).

THE CATEGORIES

ZingerZinger
“Ricky gives Dover a ‘Modeste’ lead” (Chris)
John Swift (of Swindon Town) gives Notts County the bird“, which then built up to “Preston are making MK Dons look like Ordinary Boys”  & was topped with  “Why is Brian Wilson being sent off for Oldham? God only knows!”(Howard)

He Shi*s GoalsHe Sh*ts Goals
Jordy Hiwula (Walsall)
Kenwyne Jones (Cardiff City)
Cody McDonald (Gillingham)
All a “NO!” – the curse of the dread hand of Barney strikes again!

DON'T CALL ME SHIRLEYDon’t Call Me Shirley
No? Surely you can’t be serious…

Make Ya Ma ProudMake Ya Ma Proud
Fresh from the pen of Barney: “An impressive effort from Notts County’s Liam Noble. Yellow-carded, Noble then instructed the ref on what he could do with his card. Straight red ensued.”
But that wasn’t all: Matt McClure’s midweek red card after 70 seconds, after coming on as a substitute, and landing what is known in these parts as a ‘Shearer’ (flying elbow) will not now be going without comment. And ironic applause.

Day Trip To BrightonDay Trip To Brighton
By choo-choo train, approximately THIRTY FOUR POUNDS RETURN on the day. On the field – nothing of note.

Known To The AuthoritiesKnown To The Authorities
Troy Deeney (Watford) – Ol’ faithful himself. Should probably be given a Gold Watch for long service…but can we trust him with it?

Born into BurberryBorn In Burberry
Kurtis Guthrie (Forest Green Rovers). Innit.

Stealth GubStealth Gub
Barney
– called in sick/absent/CBA – FAILED!
Howard
– called at 0-3 – Millwall v Norwich City – Finished 1-4 – Close but…FAILED!
Chris
– called Luton Town v Morecambe at 0-2 on 29min – Finished 2-3 FAILED!

Miscellany

Nothing to report.

The Results

sheffield-wednesday-box
SixAdedeji Oshilaja (Cardiff City)
Barry Corr (Southend United) x2
Benik Afobe (Wolverhampton Wanderers)
Daryl Murphy (Ipswich Town)
Gary Gardner (Nottingham Forest, on loan from Aston Villa)


TwoCharlie Lee (Stevenage)
Florent Cuvelier (Burton Albion, on loan from Sheffield United)

charlton02
OneScott Sinclair (Aston Villa, on loan from Manchester City)


TwoBenik Afobe (Wolverhampton Wanderers)
Luke Ayling (Bristol City)


ThreeAdam Chapman (Newport County)
Chris Porter (Colchester United)
Jamie Ward (Derby County)

OVERALL RESULT: THIRD WIN IN A ROW FOR CHRIS AND SHEFFIELD WEDNESDAY! THIS COULD BECOME A HABIT…

Game 38 Season 2 – Midweek Madness (3-4 Mar)

THE ‘QUEEN ELIZABETH’S WIPE ON THE ROAD TO HELL’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the birthdays on the 3rd of March of Miranda Richardson (57), Charlie (You’re not a kid anymore) Brooker (44), and Chris Rea (63)

THE CATEGORIES

No categories due to it being a midweek edition (Booooooo…..)

Miscellany

East Fife’s Nathan Austin gave a one-man good-seeing-to in their 5-3 win at Elgin City.

The Results

sheffield-wednesday-box
SixBenik Afobe (Wolverhampton Wanderers)
Gabriel Agbonlahor (Aston Villa)
Lewis Baker (Milton Keynes Dons, on loan from Chelsea)
Michail Antonio (Nottingham Forest)
Mike Jones (Oldham Athletic)
Tom Soares (Bury)


ThreeAlex Pritchard (Brentford)
Danny Swanson (St Johnstone, on loan from Coventry City)
Saido Berahino (West Bromwich Albion)

charlton02
FiveDale Stephens (Brighton and Hove Albion)
Paul Hayes (Wycombe Wanderers)
Tom Soares (Bury)
Yann Kermorgant (Bournemouth) x2


TwoBenik Afobe (Wolverhampton Wanderers)
Luke Freeman (Bristol City)


ThreeBilly Sharp (Leeds United)
Craig Beattie (Ayr United)
Harry Bunn (Huddersfield Town)

OVERALL RESULT: A NARROW WIN FOR CHRIS AND THE OWLS, WITH THE DECISIVE GOAL COMING FROM A NAME BARNEY HAD FOUND BUT I HAD MISSED – LEWIS BAKER!

Game 37 Season 2 (27 Feb – 2 Mar)

THE ‘LEAVING LAS VEGAS WITH BECCA DEAN’S HOLE IN ONE’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the weekend birthdays of Mike Figgis (67), Ali “complete” Bastian (33), and broadcasting legend Peter Allis (83 – three away from that dangerous age)

THE CATEGORIES

ZingerZinger
“Cisse takes the Papiss” & “Watt lights up the Valley” (Chris)
“Dunlop scores – maybe Berwick are tyred” (Howard)
“Parrett earns his pieces of eight” (Barney)

He Shi*s GoalsHe Sh*ts Goals
Jordy Hiwula (again?!) – (Walsall) – NOPE!
Darren Bent (Derby County) – NOPE!
And…
Gennaro Zeefuik (Heart of Midlothian) – THREE TICKS!

DON'T CALL ME SHIRLEYDon’t Call Me Shirley
Kari Arnason (Rotherham United). All together…

Tony Craig's Oyster CardTony Craig’s Oyster Card
Nope. Probably down for ‘essential engineering work’…

Claridge ClockClaridge Clock
Journeyman pro Deon Burton’s 14 clubs – currently at Eastleigh in the Conference Premier, but has also taken in Gabala FK of Azerbaijan!

Where's Russell Martin?Where’s Russell Martin?
Southend United 2-0 Carlisle United…..(323 Miles!)

Stealth GubStealth Gub
Barney
– called Heart of Midlothian v Cowdenbeath at 2-0 – Finished an incredible 10-0 – A LUBBOCK!
Howard/Chris
– called Oldham Athletic v Preston North End at 0-3 on 52min – Finished 0-4 – FAILED!
Chris/Howard
– called Stranraer v Dunfermline Athletic at 4-1 on 44 min – Finished 5-1 – FAILED!

Youre not a kid anymoreYou’re Not A Kid Anymore
Reggie Lambe (Mansfield Town) and our old favourite and inspiration for this category, Matty Fryatt (Nottingham Forest)

Miscellany

This space is reserved for Cowdenbeath who deserve especial scorn for their 10 (TEN) – nil defeat at Hearts, which equalled their worst ever result way back in 1951 when they lost 11-1 AT HOME to Clyde. The manager’s body has still yet to be found…

Also worthy of a mention is another sighting of the lesser-spotted ‘A Trialist’, who popped up in the 89th minute to help East Fife get a 2-1 home win at Annan Athletic

The Results

sheffield-wednesday-box
SixBarry Corr (Southend United)
Deon Burton (Eastleigh)
Gary Gardner (Nottingham Forest, on loan from Aston Villa)
Luke Foster (Southport)
Matty Fryatt (Nottingham Forest)
Richard Wood (Crawley Town, on loan from Rotherham United)


TwoSaido Berahino (West Bromwich Albion)
Scott Rendell (Woking)

charlton02
ThreeDean Parrett (Stevenage)
Deon Burton (Eastleigh)
Richard Wood (Crawley Town, on loan from Rotherham United)


NilIt’s nil to the Arsenal. And that’s the way I like it!


FourBilly Sharp (Leeds United)
Harry Maguire (Wigan Athletic)
Jordan Slew (Cambridge United)
Kyle Walker (Tottenham Hotspur) – own goal

OVERALL RESULT: CHRIS’ OWLS ARE THIS WEEK’S CLEAR WINNERS. IF YOU CAN CALL IT THAT…

Game 36 Season 2 – (20-23 Feb)

THE DIE-HARD MANHUNTER’S VOICE OF AN ANGEL HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the weekend birthdays of Alan Rickman (69), William Petersen (62) and Charlotte Church (29). Note: this was due to be called CSI Hogwarts’ Ghost Whisperer, but, like Robert Mugabe (91 this week), I ignored all U.N. pleas and did what I damn well liked.

THE CATEGORIES

ZingerZinger
None listed but if only HSG candidate Odion Ighalo had scored we could have had something like… Odion gives Watford a Hollywood ending?? Ah well.

He Shi*s GoalsHe Sh*ts Goals
Odion Ighalo (Watford)
Adebayo Akinfenwa (Wimbledon)
Derek Lyle (Queen of the South)
ARE ALL NOs

Day Trip To BrightonDay Trip To Brighton
No score. Always a difficult category.

Reverse ChurchillReverse Churchill
No. Sensible talks from managers given at Half-Time instead. Ones that worked.

Fresh HellFresh Hell
Paul Rachubka – own goal on debut for Crewe Alexandra
Micky Mellon (Shrewsbury Town) 2-0 down at 23rd-placed Tranmere Rovers
Neil Lennon (Bolton Wanderers) – Centre bakcs Ream and Mills back from injury – carried off/sent off and Lundvkvam knocked out while giving away penalty
But the winner is…………John-Joe O’Toole – sent off on “John Joe O’Toole Day” (straight red for an elbow)

Glenn & ChrisDiamond Lights
Paul Rutherford
(Southport FC and ‘the man with the tache’ in Frankie Goes To Hollywood)
– also –
Jamie Murphy (Space / Sheffield United) x2

Stealth GubStealth Gub
Barney
– called Wolverhampton Wanderers v Rotherham United at 2-0 on 28min- Finished 5-0 (GUB!!)
Howard
– called Colchester United v Bristol City at 3-0 on 45min – Finished 3-2 – FAILED!
Chris
– called Milton Keynes Dons v Peterborough United at 3-0 on 45min- Finished 3-0 – FAILED!

Law FirmLaw Firm
Nothing listed. May be o
n their winter break, jetting out Business Class to St Lucia. Only for a month,mind…

Miscellany

Did you know Ghana are the only African country to have won the FIFA Youth (Under 20) World Cup? They beat Brazil on penalties in the 2009 FIFA Youth World Cup in Egypt. So now you can sleep easily…

The Results

sheffield-wednesday-box
SevenBarry Corr (Southend United)
Benik Afobe (Wolverhampton Wanderers) x2
Chris Eagles (Charlton Athletic)
James Tavernier (Bristol City, on loan from Wigan Athletic)
Mark Reynolds (Aberdeen)
Michail Antonio (Nottingham Forest)


10Alex Pritchard (Brentford)
Alfie Potter (AFC Wimbledon)
Arron Davies (Exeter City)
Danny Rose (Tottenham Hotspur)
David Ball (Fleetwood Town)
Lewin Nyatanga (Barnsley)
Paul Rachubka (Crewe Alexandra) – og
Reuben Reid (Plymouth Argyle) x3

charlton02
SevenDarren Bent (Derby County, on loan from Aston Villa)
David Mooney (Leyton Orient)
Dean Parrett (Stevenage)
Nathan Eccleston (Kilmarnock)
Paul Rachubka (Crewe Alexandra) og
Scott Sinclair (Aston Villa, on loan from Manchester City)
Simon Walton (Stevenage)


SevenBenik Afobe (Wolverhampton Wanderers) x2
Henri Lansbury (Nottingham Forest)
Jay Simpson (Leyton Orient)
Matthew Upson (Leicester City) – og
Roarie Deacon (Stevenage)
Samir Nasri (Manchester City)


Seven Billy Clarke (Bradford City)
Chris Porter (Colchester United)
Lyle Taylor (Partick Thistle, on loan from Scunthorpe United)
Nathaniel Mendez-Laing (Cambridge United, on loan from Peterborough United)
Paul Gallagher (Preston North End)
Simon Walton (Stevenage)
Stephen McGinn (Dundee)

OVERALL RESULT: ALMOST A 5-WAY TIE. THANK HEAVENS THEN FOR THE POSH WITH A MIGHTY TEN!

Game 35 Season 2 (13-16 Feb)

THE LIMITED STOP HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of there is no data in the archives on this one. See, Barney, I knew there was one which was missing! All we have are the scores on the doors. No zingers, no Stealth Gubs, no nuffink….

THE CATEGORIES

Blanker than a MacDonalds employee

Miscellany

Can you believe Meg Tilly was 55 this week? It’s madness, I tell you…

The Results

sheffield-wednesday-box
SevenBarry Corr (Southend United)
Danny Mayor (Bury)
Daryl Murphy (Ipswich Town) x2
Deon Burton (Eastleigh)
Gary Gardner (Nottingham Forest, on loan from Aston Villa)
Vadaine Oliver (Mansfield Town on loan from Crewe Alexandra)


FiveIzale McLeod (Crawley Town) x3
Nicky Ajose (Crewe Alexandra, on loan from Leeds United)
Saido Berahino (West Bromwich Albion)

charlton02
11Darren Bent (Derby County, on loan from Aston Villa)
David Mooney (Leyton Orient) x2
Deon Burton (Eastleigh)
Elliot Omozusi (Leyton Orient) – own goal
Izale McLeod (Crawley Town) x3
Michael Smith (Swindon Town)
Scott Sinclair (Aston Villa, on loan from Manchester City)
Yann Kermorgant (Bournemouth)


OneHenri Lansbury (Nottingham Forest)


FiveCraig Beattie (Ayr United)
Izale McLeod (Crawley Town) x3
Jon Stead (Bradford City, on loan from Huddersfield Town)

OVERALL RESULT: CHARLTON BLOW EVERYONE ELSE OUT OF THE WATER ON THIS ULTRA-THIN WEEK!

Game 34 Season 2 (Midweek Madness) – 10-11 February

THE ‘KICK START IN DRAGON’S DEN WITH THE BEAST OF BOLSOVER’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the weekend birthdays of Peter Purves (76), Deboarah Meaden (55) and Dennis Skinner MP (83)

THE CATEGORIES

ZingerZinger
None. Incidentally, one Zinger Burrito is equivalent to 44% of your recommended fat intake. Mmm…

He Shi*s GoalsHe Sh*ts Goals
Callum Wilson (Bournemouth)
Cody McDonald (Gillingham)
Jack Redshaw (Morecambe)

Stealth GubStealth Gub
Barney
– called Walsall v Rochdale at 3-0 on 27min- Finished 3-2. FAILED!
Howard
– called in sick…
Chris
– called Oldham Athletic v Swindon Town at 2-0 on 2 min  – Finished 2-1. FAILED!

Miscellany

Nothing to report

The Results

sheffield-wednesday-box
FiveBenik Afobe (Wolverhampton Wanderers)
Daryl Murphy (Ipswich Town) – counting double against old side
Marcus Tudgay (Coventry City)
Mike Jones (Oldham Athletic)


FourBritt Assombalonga (Nottingham Forest)
Emile Sinclair (York City)
Nicky Ajose (Crewe Alexandra, on loan from Leeds United)
Saido Berahino (West Bromwich Albion)

charlton02
ThreeDarren Bent (Derby County, on loan from Aston Villa)
Jay McEveley (Sheffield United)
Marcus Tudgay (Coventry City)


FiveBenik Afobe (Wolverhampton Wanderers)
Henri Lansbury (Nottingham Forest)
Jay Emmanuel-Thomas (Bristol City)
Robin van Persie (Manchester United)
Samir Nasri (Manchester City)


TwoAndy Butler (Doncaster Rovers)
Conor Coady (Huddersfield Town) – own goal

OVERALL RESULT: SURPRISINGLY, SPOILS SHARED – HALF EACH FOR THE GUNNERS AND THE OWLS!