THE “WHO’S THAT GIRL CARRYING ON IN THE OFFICE” HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE
So named because of the weekend birthdays of Madonna, who was 57, Carry On’s Jim Dale (80 years young) and Steve Carell (he’s American, you know… and 53???) all on the 16th August.
Chris – regrettably distracted by the thought of buying something called ‘Sink The Bismarck!’, an alcoholic beverage rated at 41%. Well, that’s Barney’s theory. He doesn’t drink you know…well, that’s what he tells the ladies…(and myself and Chris, of course!)
Howard – ‘MacClean finds cavity in the Dundee defence’
Barney – Mayor gets Bury’s vote’
He Sh*ts Goals
Jacob Murphy (Coventry City) – FAILED!
Fred Oyendinma (Millwall) – FAILED! – though he scored twice in midweek. *Fume*
Tom Pope (Bury) – SCORED! He pleased all his followers with a goal in the 4th minute.
Day Trip To Brighton
Nothing here. Maybe put off by the 10% rise in Network Rail pay packets…er…I mean, in ticket prices.
Local Boy Makes Good
Dunfermline’s Faissal El-Bahktoui is a season ticket holder here, but the excellently named Nigerian Smart Osadolor’s maiden goal for Annan takes the treasure.
Former Athletico Madrid striker Dani Lopez scored on his domestic debut for Inverness Cally. Barney claimed this “doesn’t count for ‘Local Boy’ as previous clubs were Barnet and Stevenage.”. Au contraire. Born in Las Rozas de Madrid? Yep, that counts. It may not be as impressive, though…
Are You My Fag?
Come on down, Cheltenham’s Amari Morgan-Smith and administer a beating to your fags. Barney says they will thank you for it in later life. Obviously this happens every day in a Public School. Hmmm….
Where’s Russell Martin?
Those Newcastle fans who endured a 2-0 reverse at the Liberty Stadium in Swansea will no doubt have been blaming Mike Ashley for the 708 mile round trip.
Barney – Dunfermline Athletic v Cowdenbeath called at 3-0 on 21 mins – Finished 7(SEVEN!)-1 – MULLAH-ING!
Howard – called Celtic v Inverness Caledonian Thistle at 2-0 on 13 mins – Finished 4-2 – FAILED!
Chris – called Millwall v Coventry City, called at 0-3 on 25 mins – Finished 0-4 – FAILED!
Barney discovered that McCoy’s is ‘The official crisp partner of the Football League’ (I do hate those unofficial crisps…)
A few other scores of note. In the FA Cup Qualifying – Extra Preliminary Round, it was a Lubbock+ for Coleshill Town, who were fishing Ellesmere Rangers out of the metaphorical pool after a 11-0 defeat.
Goals were also a-plenty in the Highland Football League. Supporting evidence:-
Clachnacuddin 12-2 Rothes
Wick Academy 8-1 Fort William
Deveronvale 1-8 Formartine United
(Old joke coming up) – those are of course, the scores and not the number of fans.
Barry Corr (Cambridge United) x2
Danny Mayor (Bury)
James Tavernier (Rangers)
Michail Antonio (Nottingham Forest)
Ross Barkley (Everton)
Steven MacLean (St Johnstone)
Russell Martin (Norwich City)
Tyrone Barnett (Shrewsbury Town)
Martyn Waghorn (Rangers)
None. Well done, lads..
Billy Clarke (Bradford City)
Billy Paynter (Hartlepool United)
Christian Nade – (Raith Rovers)
Danny Philliskirk (Oldham Athletic)
Jason Holt (Rangers)
Paul Gallagher (Preston North End)
Ryan Cresswell (Northampton Town)
Scott Boden (Newport County)
OVERALL RESULT: COULD HAVE GONE EITHER WAY, BUT LUFFY’S BLADES CONTINUE THEIR FINE START TO THE SEASON!