THE ‘THING’S DOG DAYS UP THE JUNCTION’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE
So named because of the weekend birthdays of slapheaded actor Michael Chiklis (52), Florence Welch (29), and Glenn Tilbrook (58).
Howard – ‘Clyde’s [Sean] Higgins snookers East Stirling’
Barney – ‘Jermaine Lens opened a few eyes with that goal’
He Sh*ts Goals
After a far-too-promising start to the season, it’s back to blank for Barney as Dunfermline’s El-Bahktoui, Stoke’s Diouf and Gateshead’s Bowman fail to trouble the scorer.
Bank Holiday fun and games at Aggborough, where Kidderminster’s Luke Maxwell and Braintree’s Alex Woodyard involved themselves in a physical debate surrounding the circumstances of the former’s tackle on the latter. Referee suggested they discussed said matter in opposite dressing rooms. Or ‘in t’boozer’…
Torquay’s Chris Hargreaves saw his team concede early to Cheltenham, who then had a player sent off in the 8th minute. Despite the numerical advantage the score remained 0-1 at half-time at Plainmoor. After a ‘stirring’ team talk from the Gulls boss, his players went out and conceded another two, losing 0-3 against a 10 man team for 85 minutes including stoppage time. Ironic applause all round.
Barney reckons “The Non-League Paper” used the pun-tastic headline ‘Gulls##t’ during their report into the whole sorry effort. However, being a suspicious kind of bloke, I cannot find any on-line evidence of this. That’s all I’m saying…
Known To The Authorities
Two borderline cases here – one of the players (Man City striker whose name cannot be mentioned, but cost around £50m in the off-season)’s alleged misbehaviour was settled out of court.
Oxford United striker Danny Hylton’s racially abusive antics garnered him naught but an eight match ban and no action from Mister Plod.
Darwinism In Action
Unlike the Ashley Madison users, this is a more straightforward affair. Blackpool (23rd) 0-4 Walsall (3rd). Textbook.
Another tricky case here, as Oldham Athletic’s Lee Croft bagged his first in 71 games for the club over three spells, starting in 2004. There’s a street called Lee Croft about 20 metres away from Barney’s flat, aka El Rancho Barnero. Maybe this place was what Mr and Mrs Croft had in mind when naming their offspring. Or not.
Barney – called Sutton Utd v Wealdstone, called at 4-1 on 40 min – Finished 5-2 – FAILED!
Howard – called Stenhousemuir v Cowdenbeath , called at 3-0 on 45min – Finished 4-2 – FAILED!
Chris – called in ‘sick’
A couple of vintage “It Don’t Mean Nuthin‘s” this week, with West Bromwich Albion boss Tony Pulis returning to Stoke City to a round of applause from the home fans, some of which may have been the same ones who had been clamouring for “Pulis Out!” three months earlier.
Barney alleges it was the Stoke City board who fired Pulis as they felt they needed to change their image of roughhouse football. West Brom win 1-0 and Stoke had two players sent off in the first half, including Ibrahim Afellay, who Made His Ma Proud by taking the long walk 27 minutes into his debut.
Also – Keith Hill, who quit Rochdale for the bright lights of Barnsley in 2011 and was out after 18 months with rumours of a major fallout with the board, returning to Rochdale in 2013. The fact that his Rochdale side beat his former team 3-0 must have given him absolutely no pleasure at all…
It may have been mentioned before, but during routine checks, I found that Braintree Town-have a Marks (Sean) and Sparkes (Daniel). They may form a great partnership…
Adedeji Oshilaja (Gillingham, on loan from Cardiff City)
David McGoldrick (Ipswich Town)
Jacques Maghoma (Birmingham City)
Kenwyne Jones (Cardiff City)
Michail Antonio (Nottingham Forest)
Reda Johnson (Coventry City)
Craig Mackail-Smith (Luton Town)
Jonson Clarke-Harris (Rotherham United)
Adebayo Azeez (AFC Wimbledon)
Bradley Goldberg (Bromley)
David Mooney (Leyton Orient)
Kadell Daniel (Woking)
Lee Cook (Eastleigh – 1 Saturday and 1 Monday)
Martyn Waghorn (Rangers) x2
Scott Sinclair (Aston Villa) x2
Jay Simpson (Leyton Orient)
Andrew Davies (Ross County)
Billy Paynter (Hartlepool United)
Jason Holt (Rangers)
Nick Blackman (Reading) x2
OVERALL RESULT: IS THIS THE START OF A TREND? ONE CLEAR WINNER THIS WEEK – CHARLTON!