Season 4 Game 02 (9-10 August 2016)

THE Scully’s doing Something Wild with Something Wild

So named because of the weekend birthdays for Gillian Anderson on the 9th (48), Melanie Griffith (59) and Roy Keane (45) on the 10th.


Chris: x
Howard: x

Day Trip To BrightonDay Trip To Brighton
Nothing yet – probably too warm for that kind of action.


Reverse ChurchillReverse Churchill
It’s been an energetic start to Neil Lennon’s reign as the Hibernian manager, sent to the stands in his first game and now seeing his charges plummet to a 1-3 home reverse to Queen Of The South after leading at halftime. A closer look reveals The Doonhamers’ (fine, fine nickname) revival was led by substitute Stephen Dobbie, who was a Lennon favourite at Bolton last season. Any ‘It don’t mean nuthin’ness was thwarted by Dobbie and Lennon being mutually complimentary before game. What’s wrong with the modern game?

Known To The AuthoritiesKnown To The Authorities
Nothing as far as I’m aware. I’ll wager all the players were in bed by midnight too. Though probably not their own beds.

Fresh HellFresh Hell
Ipswich 0-1 Stevenage? Take the stage, Mick McCarthy. ‘Stevenage were excellent and deserving winners. We, on the other hand, were awful and we didn’t improve in the second half. The best team won’

Stealth GubStealth Gub
Nothing recorded here this week, but there will be in future weeks….

Old SchoolOld School
Brighton’s Sam Baldock. Probably runs a souvenir stall on the promenade in order to make some proper money because the football doesn’t pay that well, it’s just a hobby really. [Edit: Not 100% convinced by this one as it’s one of those revived old names like Josh/Joshua, so could alternatively be a desperate hipster with one of those terrorist beards]


In the absence of anything else, it is worth pointing out that this season’s Improvement (?) is to have full categories and whatnot in the midweek editions. We may come to regret this….

The Results

FourAdam Davies (Barnsley, o.g.)
Leon Clarke (Sheffield United)
Ryan Lowe (Crewe Alexandra) x2

SevenChris Whelpdale (AFC Wimbledon, counting double as it was against The Posh)-2
Conor Washington (Queen’s Park Rangers)
Danny Swanson (St Johnstone on loan from Coventry City) x2
Nathan Ralph (Woking)
Nathaniel Mendez-Laing (Rochdale)

SevenGreg Halford (Rotherham United)
Harry Pell (Cheltenham Town)
Leon Clarke (Sheffield United)
Matt Fry (York City)
Nicky Bailey (Sutton United)
Scott Sinclair (Celtic)
Zak Ansah (Woking)

SixAnthony Stokes (Blackburn Rovers) x2
Jay Emmanuel-Thomas (Gillingham on loan from Queen’s Park Rangers) x2
Mark Randall (Newport County)
Zak Ansah (Woking)

Anthony Stokes (Blackburn Rovers) x2
Conor Coady (Wolverhampton Wanderers)
Greg Halford (Rotherham United)
Jamie Murphy (Brighton and Hove Albion) x2
Jamie Ward (Nottingham Forest)
John-Joe O’Toole (Northampton Town)
Lyle Taylor (AFC Wimbledon on loan from Scunthorpe United)
Nathaniel Mendez-Laing (Rochdale)
Ryan Flynn (Oldham Athletic)
Shaun Miller (Carlisle United)


Season 4 Game 01 (5-8 August 2016)

THE ‘Wannabe Rosie Webster? Run To The Hills!’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the weekend birthdays of the thoroughly ‘talented’ Geri Horner (the artist formerly known as Ginger Spice, 44), The thoroughly ‘intelligent’ Helen Flanagan (28) and the thoroughly ROCK! Bruce Dickinson (58).


Barney says[a bit like Charly says, only scarier]:
Chris takes the rosette for ‘Notts County suffer the Wrath Of Khan’ with Barney’s rather weak ‘Spearing shafts Blades’ not passing muster. Howard took one look at Chris’ effort and pragmatically raised the white flag.

The Dread Hand Of BarneyThe Dread Hand of Barney
Successfully curses Charlton Athletic’s Nicky Ajose and the Owls’ Fernando Forestieri, but had a senior moment and forgot about Nottingham Forest’s Britt Assombalonga, who took advantage and scored twice.

Make Ya Ma ProudMake Ya Ma Proud
A fairly easy segment to start off, as the potential for a personal nightmare on debut was always going to be high (though not in the Jose Baxter sense) and so it proved, with Fleetwood Town’s goalie Chris Neal taking the opening day laurels for bundling the ball into his own net 9 minutes into his debut for the Cod Army.

Tradition dictates, this once again no-shows. Tradition also dictates they’ll be a rumble next week when the category won’t be included.

And stay out!…And Stay Out!
Hat-tip here to Barnsley’s Marley (another Burberry entrant in waiting) Watkins. Last three clubs are Hereford, Inverness Caledonian Thistle and now Barnsley.


Local Boy Makes GoodLocal Boy Makes Good
The best that I can find is Huddersfield’s on-loan Elias Kachunga but he’s German, like leading xenophobe Nigel Farage’s wife.

Youre not a kid anymoreYou’re Not A Kid Anymore
Accrington’s Matty Pearson, previously of fellow grim Northern side FC Halifax Town. Called ‘Matty’. Isn’t 12 years old.

Stealth GubStealth Gub
– called Alloa v Peterhead, called at 3-0 on 44min – Finished: 4-0 – FAILED!
– called Blackburn Rovers v Norwich City, called at 0-3 on 43min – Finished: 1-4 – FAILED!
– called Yeovil Town v Notts County, called 2-0 on 62min – Finished: 2-0 – FAILED!


Huddersfield’s other scorer was Chelsea loanee Kasey Palmer, which would surely qualify as Born under Burberry had it been a category this week.

After the unbridled success (irony?) of last season ‘Strange stadium sponsors’ segment, we now move on to ‘Strange Shirt Sponsors’ with the news that Raith Rovers are once again being sponsored by Val McDermid, writer of the Wire In The Blood series amongst other works. This will mean that for the next two months a Raith player will be disposed of, the person you think is the murderer will get wiped in week 5 and the killer will be revealed sometime in mid-October. Personally, I think Barney did it. Or maybe Robson Green. With the wrench. In the Billiard Room.

The Results

ThreeDavid McGoldrick (Ipswich Town)
Jimmy Smith (Crawley Town)
Ryan Lowe (Crewe Alexandra)

SixBritt Assombalonga (Nottingham Forest) x2
Charlie Lee (Stevenage)
Erhun Oztumer (Walsall)
Kyle Vassell (Blackpool)
Tommy Rowe (Doncaster Rovers)

TwoMartyn Waghorn (Rangers)
Scott Sinclair – (Mr Helen Flanagan, no less; Celtic)

ThreeAnthony Stokes (Blackburn Rovers)
Jay Emmanuel-Thomas (Gillingham on loan from Queen’s Park Rangers)
Nico Yennaris (Brentford)

EightAnthony Stokes (Blackburn Rovers)
Ben Davies (Grimsby Town)
Billy Paynter (Hartlepool United)
Ched Evans (Chesterfield)
Craig Beattie (Edinburgh City)
Kevan Hurst (Mansfield Town)
Lyle Taylor (AFC Wimbledon on loan from Scunthorpe United)
Otis Khan (Yeovil Town)

OVERALL RESULT: A narrow squeak (back to Geri’s voice again) for the Luffmeister, who ran away with last season’s tourney, because he can now he’s lost all that weight.