Zinger
Barney: ‘Woking’s midfielder ‘Wards’ off Maidstone’s clean sheet’ {that would be Joe Ward}
Chris: [this comment will censored, due to Garry Monk no longer being in charge of Leeds United. My fault.]
Howard: ‘Bury left it late but threw in the Towell’ (Rotherham United’s Richie Towell scored 89th minute winner)

The Dread Hand of Barney
…was enjoying the charms of Southern Mexico so much they got carried away on the Tequila and dropped Pandora’s Box. The connection between this and the 6.2 level earthquake in the local area has yet to be ascertained but certainly resulted in an early flight home on the thermals, though the being would like to make it clear Mexico is still very much in its mind…

Although being slightly distracted by the above events, it still succeeded in stalling Yeovil Town’s Olufela Olomola and Hibernian’s Anthony Stokes [yay!], though Rotherham United’s Kemar Roofe scored twice. Mood said to be ‘philosophical’ as sending waves of ire to Rotherham was always going to be a big ask.

Day Trip To Brighton
Cancelled, and just a month after Pride Day too.

Reverse Churchill
You won’t get a finer illustration of the above category than Greenock Morton 3-2 Dunfermline, which was 0-2 at the half-time interval. All the more impressive due to the Pars’ excellent start to the season. Morton’s sponsors are the confectioners Millions, whose website states. ‘Our Blackcurrant, Bubblegum, Raspberry, Apple and Strawberry flavours are all officially Kosher’ Finally! you can neck back a packet after a Torah recital without an iota of theological guilt.

Claridge Clock
Simon Walton’s blown-out knee at 25 and subsequent insurance payout restricts him to part-time football so there’s been a lot of clubs on his resume – 15 at just 29 years of age. This makes Jermaine Beckford’s 12 clubs at 33 look like an exercise in steadfastness.

Unpleasant Local Derby
Which would be Boreham Wood 2-0 Leyton Orient and the 19 miles between the two teams. Despite their proximity, this is a thoroughly unfamiliar journey for the away fans as there were four divisions between these clubs a few years ago. The O’s wobbly start to the season suggests this won’t be their last trip to Meadow Park and for that matter, Gander Green Lane, home of Sutton United, who have also turned over the Brisbane Road team this season. ‘A season of consolidation awaits, Clem’ [“thanks, Manish”].

Stealth Gub
Barney – called Leeds United v Burton Albion at 2-0 on 35 min – Finished – 5-0 GUBBED!
Howard – called Peterborough United v Bradford City at 0-3 on 44 min – Finished – 1-3 [curses, it appeared to stop the rot ] – FAILED!
Chris – called Colchester United v Crawley Town at 3-0 on 37 min – Finished – 3-1 – FAILED!

Old School
The Alexandra Stadium was the place to be for players who belong on the back pages of The Daily Sketch with category regular George Cooper netting for the Railwaymen and the Spireites’ Eddie Nolan’s own goal [noted below]. Bromley’s Frankie Sutherland rounds out the podium places.