THE ‘Superman Returns From The Village With The Bends’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE
So named because of the weekend birthdays of Brandon Routh (38) Sigourney Weaver (68) and Thom Yorke (48)
THE CATEGORIES
Zinger
Barney: ‘Lee Evans gets red card for Wigan, the funniest thing he’s ever done’
Chris: ‘Cambridge’s Legge gets his marching orders’ [Leon Legge]
Howard: ‘Fylde defender scores an own goal. Not a ‘Grand’ Day Out’ [Simon Grand]
The Dread Hand of Barney
Is still rocking ‘Viva Las Vegas’ and sampling some of the leisure facilities. After all, it would be a shame to waste all these golf bags it discovered the other day. This was probably the explanation as to why Rory Gaffney of Bristol Rovers and Stefan Payne at Shrewsbury Town both scored, with only Jayden Stockley of Exeter City being unable to overcome its malady.
Don’t Call Me Shirley
Another series of hesitant choices. Grimsby Town’s Sam Jones, Joss Labadie at Newport County and Plymouth Argyle’s Alex Fletcher.
Tony Craig’s Oyster Card
We could have a winner in the shape of Bromley’s Louis Dennis. Dagenham and Redbridge, Bedfont and Feltham, Welling United, Grays Athletic, Canvey Island, Hayes and Yeading, and Bromley.
Are You My Fag?
Woking’s Reice Charles-Cook. Probably doesn’t go to away games with his Nanny in his twenties and receive £7m to do up his spouse’s house whilst voting for the bedroom tax. [Only our lawyers know who Barney is ranting about here].
Claridge Clock
James Collins at Luton Town with 10 clubs at 26 has much to learn from Oxford United’s Wes Thomas, with 16 clubs at 30.
Unpleasant Local Derby
Tranmere Rovers v Chester in the Conference, 14 miles travel for the away team, who parked their bus in front of the goal according to reports. [Here I must quibble with The Barnster, as Chester is rather a nice place].
Stealth Gub
Barney – called Lincoln City v Chesterfield at 2-0 on 26 min – Finished: 2-0 – FAILED!
Howard – called Colchester United v Mansfield Town at 2-0 on 33 min – Finished: 2-0 – FAILED!
Chris – called Milton Keynes Dons v Bradford City at 0-2 on 45 min – Finished: 1-4 – FAILED!
Miscellany
Our supernatural friend’s curse against Rory Gaffney may have inadvertently afflicted Gaffney’s strike partner Billy Bodin, as the Bristol Rovers forward scored against his old club (It Don’t Mean Nuthin’) but pulled his hamstring in the process, his replacement then missed a penalty, which Bristol Rovers truly missed as they won 6-0 against the never-more-appropriately named Cobblers.
Morecambe’s venerable winger Kevin Ellison, 38, was red carded by rookie referee Anthony Backhouse, 28. Rumours Ellison described the official as a ‘Cheeky young whippersnapper’ are probably fantasy but are fairly amusing anyway. This was actually the end of a personal nightmare for the veteran as he had earlier deflected the ball into his own net for what turned out to be the only goal of the game.
And it’s a ‘Day Trip To Brighton’ to AFC Fylde’s Simon Grand, who scored at both ends for the Coasters.
The Results
Richard Wood (Rotherham United)
Michael Bostwick (Lincoln City)
Paul Taylor (Bradford City)
David Mooney (Leyton Orient)
Richard Wood (Rotherham United)
Ethan Ebanks-Landell (Milton Keynes Dons on loan from Wolverhampton Wanderers)