Season 5 Game 29 (29-31 Dec)

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THE ‘wombles, in delirium, walking in the air’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the weekend birthdays of Bernard Cribbins (89), Ellie Goulding (31), and Aled Jones (47).

THE CATEGORIES

Zinger
Barney shredded the previous evidence so you’ve asked for it again – “[Alfie] Potter scores for Mansfield – was it a Lowe shot?” [For our younger viewers, Arthur Lowe was in a sitcom called Potter. Lowe. Arthur Lowe.oh, .come on… Dad’s Army… no not Toby Jones…argh…forget it”

The Dread Hand of Barney
Inih Effiong at Woking (SCORED!), Billy Kee at Accrington Stanley (SCORED!) and Marko Arnautovic at West Ham United (DIDN’T PLAY). Mixed results for the evil spirit…

Stealth Gub
Gubless again this time, sadly

Miscellany

Planned categories were Claridge Clock, Are You My Fag?, Not A Kid Anymore, Bendtner! [and “Cup Week”]…

The Results

Aiden McGeady (Sunderland)
Gary Madine (Bolton Wanderers)
Jacques Maghoma (Birmingham City)
Vadaine Oliver (Morecambe)

Alfie Potter (Mansfield Town)
David Ball (Rotherham United)
Jonathan Obika (Oxford United)
Lee Angol (Mansfield Town)
Peter Grant (Falkirk)
Ryan Bennett (Wolverhampton Wanderers)

Jonathan Obika (Oxford United)
Yann Kermorgant (Reading)

Chuks Aneke (Milton Keynes Dons)
Semi Ajayi (Rotherham United)

Conor Sammon (Partick Thistle on loan from Heart of Midlothian)
Lyle Taylor (AFC Wimbledon)
Marc McNulty (Coventry City)
Otis Khan (Yeovil Town)

OVERALL RESULT: FURTHER GLOOM FOR THE POSH!

December 30, 2017March 15, 2018

Season 5 Game 28 (Boxing Day & 27 Dec 2017)

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THE ‘Hard times for the joker at spurs’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the weekend birthdays of Hayley Williams (28-who?!), Jared Leto (46-huh?!), and Tottingham goalkeeper Hugo Lloris (30-WHY WHY OH WHY…SPURS?!?).

THE CATEGORIES

Zinger
Barney: Nothing
Chris: Nothing
Howard: Jordan Rhodes scores after quite a long goal drought – “JORDAN’S ALIVE!”

The Dread Hand of Barney
Cursed for Christmas Part II – starring: Sammie Szmodics at Colchester United (SCORED!), Lewis Grabban at Sunderland (DIDN’T PLAY) and Matty “You’re not a kid anymore” Godden at Stevenage (DIDN’T SCORE).

Stealth Gub
Barney – called Bury v Rotherham United at 0-2 on 12 min – Finished: 0-3 – FAILED!
Howard – called Sheffield United v Sunderland at 3-0 on 63 min – Finished: 3-0 – FAILED!
Chris – called Blackburn Rovers v Rochdale at 2-0 on 45 min – Finished: 2-0 – FAILED!

Miscellany

Planned categories were to have been: And Stay Out, Local Boy Makes Good, Old School, Unpleasant Local Derby and Day Trip To Brighton.

Garry Monk was also sacked around this time by Leeds United. Bizarrely, no-one’s Zinger was “Monk – slapped!”

The Results

A rare blank!

Alex Pritchard (Norwich City)
Britt Assombalonga (Middlesbrough)
David Ball (Rotherham United)
Harry Anderson (Lincoln City)
Kgosi Ntlhe (Rochdale) o.g.
Lee Angol (Mansfield Town)
Lee Frecklington (Rotherham United)
Paul Taylor (Bradford City)

Joe Pigott (Maidstone United on loan from Cambridge United) x2
Michael Turner (Southend United)
Nicky Bailey (Sutton United)

Craig Eastmond (Sutton United) x2

Andy Butler (Doncaster Rovers)
Callum McFadzean (Guiseley)
Chris Porter (Crewe Alexandra)
Danny Philliskirk (Blackpool)
Lyle Taylor (AFC Wimbledon)
Shaun Miller (Carlisle United)

OVERALL RESULT: BOXING DAY JOY FOR BARNEY AND THE POSH!

December 28, 2017March 4, 2018

Season 5 Game 27 (22-23 Dec)

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THE HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE CHRISTMAS ‘SPECIAL’…

So named because of the christmassy birthdays of Father Christmas (indeterminate age), Jesus, and Noel Edmonds (69…ooer).

THE CATEGORIES

Zinger
No Christmas Cracker jokes from this round of football (and Barney was stuck at the North Pole and wasn’t out anyway) – so here’s one:
How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?  One that’s deep pan, crisp and even!
There. Have that!

The Dread Hand of Barney
Selected yuletide curses were placed on: Shawn McCoulsky at Newport County (DIDN’T SCORE!), Alfredo Morelos at Rangers (DIDN’T SCORE!) and Billy Bodin at Bristol Rovers (DIDN’T SCORE! – a clean sweep, in fact)

Stealth Gub
Gubless again, argh! (Only the turkey was stuffed…?)

Miscellany

The categories were to have been Known To The Authorities, Fresh Hell, Make Ya Ma Proud, Don’t Call Me Shirley and An Evening With Paul Robinson.

The Results

Gary Madine (Bolton Wanderers)

Jevani Brown (Cambridge United) x2
Paul Taylor (Bradford City)
Shaun Brisley (Notts County)
Toumani Diagouraga (Plymouth Argyle)

Michael Turner (Southend United) o.g.

Anthony Stokes (Hibernian)
Chuks Aneke (Milton Keynes Dons)
Semi Ajayi (Rotherham United)

Anthony Stokes (Hibernian)
Harry Maguire (Leicester City)
Jonathan Forte (Notts County)
Lyle Taylor (AFC Wimbledon)
Marc McNulty (Coventry City) x2
Michael Doyle (Coventry City)

OVERALL RESULT: A FESTIVE WIN FOR THE BLADES!

December 28, 2017February 22, 2018

Season 5 Game 26 (15-18 December)

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THE ‘sharp dressed man Doogie Howser M.d. – Gizza Job!’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the weekend birthdays of Billy Gibbons from ZZ Top (68), Doogie Howser M.D. creator Steven Bochco (74) and Bernard ‘Yosser Hughes’ Hill (73).

THE CATEGORIES

Zinger
Barney: “Rangers are Morelos up early” [more or less…it was a placeholder that became permanent]
Chris: No comment!
Howard: “Richard Wood sent off – did he plank someone?”

The Dread Hand of Barney
This week attempted to curse Leo Bonatini [DIDN’T SCORE] at Wolverhampton Wanderers, Scott Wilson at Macclesfield Town [TEAM DIDN’T PLAY] and Marcus Antonsson at Blackburn Rovers [DIDN’T SCORE]. So, a clean sweep then…

Stealth Gub
Barney – Nothing Recorded – FAILED!
Howard – called Gillingham v Bristol Rovers at 3-0 on 52 min – Finished: 4-1 – FAILED!
Chris – Nothing Recorded – FAILED!

Miscellany

The planned Categories (and Is It Cup Week?) were going to be: Born In Burberry, Diamond Lights, Tony Craig’s Oyster Card, and Pagga!

The Results

Leon Best (Charlton Athletic)
Nile Ranger (Southend United)

Alan Sheehan (Luton Town)
Erhun Oztumer (Walsall)
Jevani Brown (Cambridge United)
Kieran Agard (Milton Keynes Dons)
Tyrone Barnett (Port Vale)

Jamal Campbell-Ryce (Barnet)

Chuks Aneke (Milton Keynes Dons)
Semi Ajayi (Rotherham United)

Andy Butler (Doncaster Rovers)
Dominic Calvert-Lewin (Everton)
Dominic Poleon (Bradford City)
Jamal Campbell-Ryce (Barnet)
Marc McNulty (Coventry City)

OVERALL RESULT: HONOURS EVEN BETWEEN THE BLADES AND THE POSH!