A long long time ago (Game 7), in the days of Black and White television, Pounds Shillings and Pence and Typhoid, we had our last update on the scores. These were:
1st – SHEFFIELD UNITED 3.5pts
2nd – CHARLTON ATHLETIC – 2pts
3rd – PETERBOROUGH UNITED – 1pt
3rd – SHEFFIELD WEDNESDAY – 1pt
5th – ARSENAL – Zero
Fast forward through several bitterly cold months to the bitterly cold present (Game 40) and we now have:
1st – PETERBOROUGH UNITED – 19pts
2nd – SHEFFIELD UNITED – 13.5pts
3rd – CHARLTON ATHLETIC – 4pts
3rd – SHEFFIELD WEDNESDAY – 4pts
5th – ARSENAL – Zero
THE ‘Mad Men’s fighting talk next to me’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE
So named because of the weekend birthdays of Jon Hamm (47), Colin Murray (41) and Emeli Sande (30).
THE CATEGORIES
Zinger
Barney: Nothing! Chris: Nothing! Howard: “[Adam] Armstrong scores for Blackburn. They won’t go away Pointless”
The Dread Hand of Barney
Mitch Pinnock at Dover Athletic (GAME POSTPONED), Ellis Harrison at Bristol Rovers (DIDN’T SCORE!) and Collins at Luton Town (DIDN’T SCORE!). All good for the Dark Side…
Tony Craig’s Oyster Card Nope, but Tony Craig’s spoiled it anyway by emigrating to Bristol [Rovers]. Kenny Davis’ Oyster perhaps? Karl Oyston’s Oyster??
Darwinism In Action That would be Blackburn Rovers (1st) 3-0 Blackpool (17th).
Unpleasant Local Derby Aston Villa v Wolverhampton Wanderers takes precedence because Birmingham is well, Birmingham. Also Bury v Oldham Athletic is another possible winner [Bury Oldham is a decent suggestion though].
Stealth Gub
Barney – [Didn’t call anything] – FAILED!
Howard – called Newcastle United v Southampton at 3-0 on 65 min – Finished: 4-0?? – FAILED! (and “RESIGN!”)
Chris – called Middlesbrough v Barnsley at 3-0 on 65 min – Finished: 3-1 – FAILED!
Miscellany
It will probably graduate to the proper categories next season, but currently “Is It Cup Week?” is going here. Either Swindon Town v Cheltenham Town or Portsmouth v Gillingham would go into it.
Not a Category this week, but Fresh Hell award goes to Preston’s Alex Neil, who looks like this and oversaw his team concede the winner with the penultimate kick of the game.
Honourable mention to Newport County’s Mike Flynn: ‘That’s been a long time coming, we should’ve won our last two games, we could’ve tried to shut the game down but we didn’t’ – and this after a 2-0 away WIN v Yeovil Town…
Then there was Gateshead 7-1 Maidenhead United. Thats a 578 driving miles, 11 hr 42 mins round trip – maybe the away fans should’ve used their ‘head’ and walked at half-time.
Meanwhile, AFC Fylde achieved a similar result with only 10 men against hapless Aldershot Town (how bad must they be?!). Striker Danny Rowe had what you might call an “eventful” game, scoring a hat trick, then getting himself sent off. After enduring all that lot, it was only a 511-mile round trip for Aldershot’s hardy away faithful.
Finally, we discovered an umimpeachable ROCK!!! connection with Edinburgh City. Their current manager James MacDonaugh ialso holds down a role as bass guitarist in Megadeth.
The Results
Blank! (Rumours are that Chris has the ex-Wednesday players locked away in a van somewhere outside Retford)
George Boyd (Sheffield Wednesday)
James Chester (Aston Villa)
Jonson Clarke-Harris (Coventry City on loan from Rotherham United)
Josh McQuoid (Aldershot Town)
Luke James (Barrow on loan from Forest Green Rovers)
Michael Bostwick (Lincoln City)
Nathaniel Mendez-Laing (Cardiff City)
Lee Martin (Gillingham) x2
Paul Hayes (Newport County)
Abu Ogogo (Shrewsbury Town)
Josh Rees (Bromley)
Craig Beattie (Edinburgh City)
Jay O’Shea (Bury)
Lee Martin (Gillingham) x2
Lyle Taylor (AFC Wimbledon)
Nathaniel Mendez-Laing (Cardiff City)
THE ‘james bond looks yellow in a black mirror’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE
So named because of the weekend birthdays of Daniel Craig (50), Chris Martin (41) and Charlie “you’re not a kid anymore” Brooker (47!).
THE CATEGORIES
Zinger
Nothing recorded, so scraping the bottom of the barrel again: “[Joe] Lolley and [Matty] Cash have both scored. It’s all about the money for Nottingham Forest!”
The Dread Hand of Barney Lewis Grabban at Aston Villa (TEAM DIDN’T PLAY!), Hallam Hope at Carlisle United (SCORED!) and DUCKENS NAZON!!!! (DIDN’T SCORE) at Oldham Athletic were battling both the snow and the Unseen Force…
Stealth Gub
Barney – called Bristol City v Sheffield Wednesday at 2-0 on 40 min – Finished: 4-0 – FAILED!
Howard – desperately called Southend United v Walsall at 0-3 on 85 min – Finished: 0-3 – FAILED!
Chris – [Nothing recorded] – FAILED!
Miscellany
A Zinger from Wiggy – “They {Bournemouth} thought their goose was cooked, then Gosling arrived!” [Dan Gosling]
Hopefully this is the last of the minimalist Head In Hands Leagues – but the categories intended (should Barney ever excavate his notes) were Known To The Authorities, Don’t Call Me Shirley, Are You My Fag? and Diamond Lights.
The Results
Hallam Hope (Carlisle United)
Mark Beevers (Bolton Wanderers)
Michael Morrison (Birmingham City)
Michail Antonio (West Ham United)
THE ‘railroad tycoon’s new tricks in the broom cupboard’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE
So named because of the weekend birthdays of Sid Meier (64), Dennis Waterman (70) and Andy Crane (64).
THE CATEGORIES
Zinger Nothing recorded again, so Barney, you know the punishment – “[Dwight] Gayle’s scored his second for Newcastle – he’s going down a storm”
The Dread Hand of Barney This week Versus Darren Smith at Stirling Albion (SCORED!), Kane Hemmings at Mansfield Town (SCORED!) and Marko Arnautovic at West Ham United (DIDN’T SCORE). Are Its’ evil powers on the wane [Wayne]?
Stealth Gub Nothing recorded. Obviously too upset at the thought of the imminent retirement of John Motson.
Miscellany
Intended categories were Darwinism, Where’s Russell Martin?, Fresh Hell, It Don’t Mean Nuthin’ and Bendtner!
Also worth noting is the long-awaited return of A Trialist, this week on target for Peterhead. Welcome back ‘A’!
The Results
Ben Marshall (Millwall on loan from Wolverhampton Wanderers)
Callum McManaman (Sunderland)
Chris O’Grady (Chesterfield)
Glenn Whelan (Aston Villa)
Hallam Hope (Carlisle United)
Michail Antonio (West Ham United)
Alan Sheehan (Luton Town)
Dwight Gayle (Newcastle United) x2
Joe Newell (Rotherham United)
Jonson Clarke-Harris (Coventry City on loan from Rotherham United)
Kyle Vassell (Blackpool)
Lee Tomlin (Nottingham Forest on loan from Catom lawrencerdiff City)
Michael Bostwick (Lincoln City)
Reuben Reid (Forest Green Rovers)
Russell Martin (Rangers on loan from Norwich City)
Michael Smith (Rotherham United)
Terell Thomas (Sutton United on loan from Wigan Athletic)
Craig Eastmond (Sutton United)
Chris O’Grady (Chesterfield)
Chris Robertson (Swindon Town)
Conor Sammon (Partick Thistle on loan from Heart of Midlothian)
Craig Beattie (Edinburgh City)
Harry Bunn (Bury)
Jamie Murphy (Rangers on loan from Brighton and Hove Albion)
Lyle Taylor (AFC Wimbledon)
OVERALL RESULT: YET ANOTHER STEP TOWARDS THE CHAMPIONSHIP FOR THE POSH!
and oversaw his team concede the winner with the penultimate kick of the game.
