Zinger
Barney: [was speechless]
Chris: ‘[Ilias] Chair earns himself a sit down’
Howard: ‘Ilias Chair scores for QPR, he’s becoming part of the furniture there’ OR ‘Chester’s [Dominic] Gape scores whilst defence look on’

The Dread Hand of Barney…
…is looking forward to its holidays in Russia as its they’ll be some kind of invasion, the previous occasion it visited the country was back in 1943, where it bought back all kinds of happy memories of Hades. Perhaps too caught up in nostalgia, The Hand failed to grasp it’s usual clean sweep as Peterborough United’s Jack Marriott netted, whilst Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang of Arsenal and the benched Atdhe Nuhiu (aka “Big Dave”) of Sheffield Wednesday failing to score.

Pagga!
Unlike every player in the top five leagues here, who kept their fisticuffs for a godforsaken nightclub somewhere in Essex…

…And Stay Out!
rather disappointingly few candidates for the category, but old reliable Graham Carey (Huddersfield Town, Ross County, Plymouth Argyle) didn’t let us down.

Fresh Hell
It’s been a most disappointing year for Reading, Colin, with all kinds of ownership kerfuffles and non-takeovers ensuring a plummet down the table and fans complaining bitterly about a lack of cutting edge. At least said fans saw goals at the Mad Stad v Ipswich Town. Four of them, all in the last 19 minutes and all of them to the away side. New-ish boss Paul Clement:

‘To lose like that is shameful and embarassing, to lose in that manner puts a big question mark over the mentality and professionalism of these players’

It Don’t Mean Nuthin’
Newport County’s Mickey Demetriou, Cyprus’ contribution to South Wales football, scored against his old club, Cambridge United at the weekend, having been released from his contract at the end of last season. ‘Mmm, mmm’ as they never really say in Nicosia.

Diamond Lights
Late, legendary keyboard whiz Jimmy Smith also doubles as Crawley’s captain and he scored for the West Sussex outfit.

Stealth Gub
[Nothing was recorded here]