THE ‘Don’t Cha wish Mrs Brown made the Connection’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE
So named because of the weekend birthdays of Ashley Roberts (38), Brendan O’Carroll (64) and Justine Frischmann (50).
Barney: ‘Livvy’s Dykes gets a red card – will there be a ‘flood’ of goals?’ [Lyndon Dykes for Livingston]
Chris: ‘Crewe’s Green sees Red’ [At last, one finally gets printed! – And that’s Crewe Alexandra’s Paul Green]
Howard: ‘Cambridge’s Sam Smith makes it 0-1, how’s that for non-binary’ [Singer Sam Smith announced he wanted to be referred to as ‘They/It’ as he believes himself to be non-binary. That’s probably funnier than any of the Zingers.]
Would like to make it clear that it’s not all doom and gloom down here. Why, only the other day the Hand was delighted to make another acquaintance in the shape of Pogo The Clown. Interesting chap, as he had also been a talented painter whose art had sold for thousands in the world above. It’s looking forward to his next show in his basement and hopes the younger ones will enjoy Mr John Wayne Gacy’s act as much as It will – fun for all the family!
Whilst being enraptured by the subsequent entertainment, the Hand still had enough about it to blank Michael Cheek at Bromley, Charlie Kirk at Crewe Alexandra and Ollie Watkins at Brentford to continue an impressive run to start the season.
Rochdale’s Cartegena-born ‘keeper Robert Sanchez would be a “Local Boy Makes Good” but for the fact he’s highly unlikely to ever score. His performance against Peterborough United in a 6-0 Mullahing was remarkable in all the wrong ways [LINK]. Sanchez’s middle name is ‘Lynch’ and his defenders certainly left him to hang and twist today [Barney clearly would like to be Colin Murray’s scriptwriter on Quest TV]. Madre Sanchez will be very pleased.
Blades’ club captain Billy Sharp’s red-card 20 minutes after being called from the bench can’t be ignored and will doubtless be a source of great dignity for ‘The red half of Sheffield’. [Has this 50% figure ever been checked?].
Stockport County’s striker Joe Piggott (with 2 g’s and two t’s) is on loan from Wigan Athletic. His last three clubs are Altrincham, Morecambe and the aforementioned Stockport. A more appropriate player may well be Barnet’s goalscorer Josh Walker, who could indeed use his Oyster Card to get around to his only three clubs to date. Fulham – Wealdstone – Barnet.
If Transport For London are reading this, we would welcome sponsorship, or come to think of it, any form of free money, which one of your scribes receives by being employed by Network Rail…
David Goodwillie and Kenny Miller of course, but they’re almost permanent residents in this category, so we stayed in Scotland for Declan Gallagher of Motherwell who certainly takes the biscuit and indeed the entire Fox’s Selection for this moment of violence: [LINK].
Bradley Dack of Blackburn Rovers also gets a dishonourable mention for being mentioned in former team mate Nathan Nyalfi’s trial for rape [LINK].
This category tends to be one of easier ones to fill but your reporter was struggling at one point with ‘journeyman’ players such as Sam Clucas, Nahki Wells and Uche Ikpeazu all notching up an inadequate 9 clubs. Fortuantely, along came ‘nomadic’ striker Freddie Ladapo, who had scored for Rotherham United. 16 clubs at 26 is just overkill. Jake Jervis, you’ve got company!
Honourable mention here to Dagenham & Redbridge’s Joe Quigley who has 12 clubs at 23.
Well, this is a grim old start as there don’t appear to be anyone who has scored against their old clubs. Not one.
Barney – called Queen’s Park Rangers v Luton Town at 3-0 on 28 min – Finished: 3-2- FAILED!
Howard – called Yeovil Town v AFC Fylde at 2-0 on 14 min – Finished: 3-2 – FAILED!
Chris – called Tottingham Hotspurs v Crystal Palace, called at 3-0 on 19 min and approved by Howard- Finished: 4-0- FAILED!
We note David Goodwillie putting it about for Clyde in a three penalty, one-man gub of Stranraer in a 6-1 win.
Accrington Stanley 1 Sunderland 3, and a definite “Is It Cup Week?” fixture. You can bet Stanley would’ve preferred an money-spinning away trip to Roker Park… [NOTE: to stop any daft comments – Barney was being ironic there in referencing Sunderland’s old ground. Or something].
Fresh Hell at Bramall Lane and more specifically the home dugout where Chris Wilder was fulminating [thank you Susie Dent] over the Blades 0-1 reverse against Southampton. Having seen a goal disallowed via VAR, his team being denied by an Angus Gunn supershow and a clear penalty unseen by the referee, the home team had club icon Billy Sharp sent off.
Wilder: “This is a game we should have definitely got something from – at minimum a draw…We have got to wise up quickly. With the amount of chances we created, we can’t come away not scoring – it is absolutely ridiculous.”.