Season 7 Game 21 (6-9 December)

THE “Two Knights at Wiggy’s” HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the weekend birthdays of ‘Sir’ [?] Les Ferdinand (56), Sir Geoff Hurst (77) and the great, powerful ruler of all he surveys Lord Jeff Stelling (64; and his winter syrup, 24)…..

[As this is held under lock and key at Barney’s vault, there is only one option]: “Toure’s goal was a ‘Gime'”. There – and I hope you’re satisfied!

Alfredo Morelos at Rangers (NO), Rhys Murphy at Yeovil Town (NO-Didn’t play) and Armand Gnanduillet at Blackpool (YES. Scored the 3rd goal in their Unpleasant Local Derby with Fleetwood Town) are the latest to hope, like Chris Rea, they’ll be home for Christmas…
…it was looking like a clean sweep until Gnanduillet popped up in the 65th minute. He will be stuck in eternal tail-backs…

It was at “stormy” game at Stark’s Park, as home side Raith Rovers (or as Wiggy would say, “Roath Ravers”) beat Airdrieonians 1-0. In a game with 3 red cards, two were six minutes apart. It’s the closest we could find.

We need look no further here than Blackpool v Fleetwood Town here, although there is also Tranmere Rovers v Accrington Stanley and Stockport County (grrr..with it’s stupid platform ZERO?!) v Chorley possibly filling up the runner-up slot(s). There were also the Glasgow and Manchester derbies, but the unpleasantness there goes without saying.

Too many to list (in December too – good planning there, EFL!), I make the winner to be Newcastle United v Southampton – 322 miles ground to ground by road (or 5hrs 43min). That’s a long way back. Harrogate Town to Torquay United [312 miles, 2-1] and Gillingham to Sunderland [302 miles, 1-0] were runners-up.

Diogo Jota’s brace in Wolverhampton Wanderers’ draw with Brighton and Hove Albion were his first since 22 September, where he scored Wanderers’ only goal in a 1-1 draw at Crystal Palace, ending an 11-game blank. Good enough?

[To be filled in later – if Barney can excavate it]!

Gillingham v Sunderland [1-0] was the best I could find, although they are a regular here.

Brechin City goalkeeper Lewis McMinn scored a 90-yard goal in their 4-2 win over Stirling Albion – LINK. Good job this isn’t a Category…

Oh and Mike Fondop-Talom scored. That is all.

Callum McManaman (Luton Town)
Daryl Murphy (Bolton Wanderers)
Hallam Hope (Carlisle United)
Lucas Joao (Reading)
Michael Morrison (Reading) o.g.
Will Keane (Ipswich Town)

George Moncur (Luton Town)
Harry Anderson (Lincoln City)
Harry Beautyman (Sutton United)
Jonson Clarke-Harris (Bristol Rovers)
Lee Tomlin (Cardiff City)
Scott Rendell (Eastleigh)

Conor McAleny (Fleetwood Town)
Harry Pell (Colchester United)
Joe Dodoo (Bolton Wanderers)
Jonjo Shelvey (Newcastle United)
Michael Morrison (Reading) o.g.
Myles Weston (Ebbsfleet United)
Semi Ajayi (West Bromwich Albion)
Sullay Kaikai (Blackpool)

ArsenalAbu Ogogo (Bristol Rovers)
Semi Ajayi (West Bromwich Albion)

Dominic Calvert-Lewin (Everton) x2
Jon Stead (Harrogate Town)
Matt Phillips (West Bromwich Albion)
Sam Vokes (Stoke City)


Season 7 Game 20 (29 November – 2 Dec)

THE ‘Maneater and Womaniser Riot’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the weekend birthdays of Nelly Furtado (41), Britney Spears (38), and Riz Khan (38).

Barney: “[Greg] Draper made it 6-0 to TNS. That’s curtains for Airbus UK.” or “[Tom]Pope hat-trick – is that the holy trinity?”
Chris: “Kevin Nisbet at Dunfermline has 4 today. One-man Gub on the cards? I wouldn’t ‘Nisbet’ against it…” OR re: Keane Lewis-Potter “Barnsley are not ‘Keane’ on Lewis-Potter”
Howard: Glass sent off for Cove Rangers – his glass is half empty” OR “Josh Smile at Maidenhead – gets a red card and sees his team subside from 0-0 to 0-4…He’s not Smile-ing now”

This week’s sacrifices are Eoin Doyle at Swindon Town, Jamie Reid at Torquay United and Christian Doidge at Hibernian.
And our survey says NO [Swindon played on the 23rd and 7th December but not this week!!], NO and oh…er…YES [he will now be looking over his shoulder and hearing every creak of the floorboards….]

A nigh-on impossible category –  nothing this week, sadly, despite a trawl through various match reports.

Poor old Winnie – pressed into action two weeks in a row. Oh well, here goes…

What about Wigan Athletic v Reading? Wigan ahead at the break by a goal to nil.  “Ok lads, just keep doing what you’re doing” – is what manager Paul Cook clearly did not say. Cue a second half hat trick from Reading’s George Puscas and er…. er…well, at least the pies are nice.

Another impossible mission. To get anywhere on this one I would have had to “stay a while…..stayyyyyyyy foreverrrrrrrrr”. That quip will be of course, wasted on millennials. Google Impossible Mission, play it on emulator or even better, on original hardware. Yes, I am covering up the fact that this one is a blank. Problem? For my money this is the one that should go to make up for our upcoming category that still has no name – may I suggest “1 Good 1 Bad” for someone scoring then getting sent off in the same game? It’s better than CWAN (Category Without A Name).

Two results here: Stephen Dobbie of Queen of the South has had 12 clubs, but he is 37, the poor old devil. That would seem to leave the winner as Freddie Ladapo of Rotherham United – 16 clubs at just 26.

Barney – called Dunfermline Athletic v Partick Thistle at 2-0 on 10 min – Finished: 5-1 – NARROWLY FAILED!
AND – just to be greedy – a stealth Lubbock at Airbus UK v TNS called at 6-0 on 46 min [if we did the Welsh Leagues, which we don’t really] but it did end up as 12-0! That’s a Lubbock [LINK]!
– called West Ham United v Tottingham Hotspurs out of spite at 0-2 on 43 min – Finished: 2-3 – FAILED? IT STOPPED THE SCORING!
– called another Spite Gub – Liverpool v Brighton and Hove Albion at 2-0 on 41 min – Finished: 2-1 – NARROWLY FAILED!

A bit of a thin week for this usually-easy category, with only really West Bromwich Albion’s Charlie Austin, and two Frankies (Raymond of Bromley and Kent of Peterborough United) who really fit the bill (or the William…. but NOT Willie).

Annan Athletic got a true Stealth Gub [6-1] in their game with league leaders Cove Rangers as no-one called it.

There was a poorly chosen phrase in Sky’s commentary at the Liverpool game: “Brighton pretty much CAMPED in the Liverpool half”. Get you!

Alex Bruce (Kilmarnock)
Vadaine Oliver (Northampton Town)
Will Keane (Ipswich Town)

Harry Beautyman (Sutton United)
Jonathan Obika (St Mirren)
Nathaniel Mendez-Laing (Cardiff City)
Reuben Reid (Cheltenham Town)

Brandon Hanlan (Gillingham)
Jonathan Obika (St Mirren)
Jonjo Shelvey (Newcastle United)
Karlan Grant (Huddersfield Town)
Martyn Waghorn (Derby County)
Michael Smith (Rotherham United) x2
Myles Weston (Ebbsfleet United)

Josh Dasilva (Brentford) x3
Rhys Murphy (Yeovil Town)

Nathaniel Mendez-Laing (Cardiff City)
Scott Boden (Chesterfield)