Season 8 Game 22 (12-15 Feb)

THE ‘American Beauty throwing a long pointy stick wednesday’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE
So named because of the weekend birthdays of Mena Suvari (42), Steve Backley (52) and Christina Ricci (41!).

Barney: [Due to Barney trying to get out of doing it thinking there were less than 40 matches on this weekend, there is a lack of categories, zingers etc]
Chris: [deleted by Barney?]
Howard: Chris, who has been sent off, is very Solly.

The Dread Hand took a well-earned week off to hang around Westminster and was puzzled as to why none of its’ tried-and-tested arcane spells were working on the Cabinet from Hell. Not even the moving-in gift from Vlad the Impaler could get through and our spectral friend was considering if B & Q had anything in stock that could pierce their thick skin…

Barney – called [nothing, for the skivey reasons mentioned previously] !
– called Watford v Bristol City at 2-0 on 24min – Finished: 6-0!!! – GUB ACHIEVED! [Mullahed, actually, according to our Gub Scale]
– called Sunderland v Doncaster Rovers at 3-0 on 36min – Finished: 4-1 – FAILED!

Chris Solly’s red card (featured earlier) was one of three given out at the final whistle in the game between Havant & Waterlooville and Ebbsfleet United, so this would have been a clear PAGGA!, had it been on the list. The final score matched the numbers of sending off [1-2].

Ex-Gunner Chuks Aneke won our Category Without A Name, when he scored then later managed to get himself sent off later in Charlton Athletic’s game with Gillingham [the Gills won 3-2 away].

Ayo Obileye (Queen of the South)
Sam Winnall (Oxford United)

Josh Knight (Wycombe Wanderers on loan from Leicester City)
Kyle Dempsey (Gillingham)
Mark O’Hara (Motherwell)
Michael Bostwick (Burton Albion)

Ayo Obileye (Queen of the South)
Callum Harriott (Colchester United)
Frank Nouble (Colchester United on loan from Plymouth Argyle)
Johann Berg Gudmundsson (Burnley)

Chuks Aneke (Charlton Athletic)
Olivier Giroud (Chelsea)
Rhys Murphy (Yeovil Town)

Colin Kazim-Richards (Derby County)
Matthew Lowton (Burnley)



Season 8 Game 21 (5-8 Feb)

THE ‘Humpin’ Around with the Best In Show at the Dumping Ground’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE
So named because of the weekend birthdays of Bobby Brown (52), Christopher Guest (73) and Dani Harmer (32).


Nothing recorded, so the usual punishment applies –
Howard: “Joe Kizzi scored for Bromley. No-one else is laughing” [well they did lose 2-1 in a game with 3 red cards]

Patrick Bamford at Leeds United (SCORED), Nicky Clark at Dundee United (DID NOT PLAY) and Sam Barrett at Maidenhead United (DID NOT PLAY) feeling something’s just not quite right….

Never in the field of human conflict, did no one skive for so long. Churchill didn’t say this, but it seems about right to explain this blank.

Never in a month of sundays can you get this category and since it’s a much-delayed release anyway, we will go with a No.


Bleep bleep bleep… this is …bleep….late…bleep…bleep…bleep…and we’e got ….bleep…bleep…all to fill this…bleep…space…

Choose between Dominic Calvert-Lewin (Everton), Reece Hall-Johnson (Wrexham),and James Ward-Prowse (Southampton). Not sure what the public school toff Hall-Johnson would make of Wrexham, but still…

This is mainly a skivey bare-bones edition, but as it’s an easy one to fill, let’s have Jorge Grant (Lincoln City) and Kieffer Moore (Cardiff City).

Nothing recorded here FAILED!


Due to various delays and skiveyness, we will round this season up as soon as possible. There will be 4 other almost-normal editions and, if possible, the rest of the 10 or so missing weeks will be done as results-only. The plan is to do one post rounding up the scores from those weeks, after which the “winner” of the 20/21 season will be unmasked. That’s the plan, anyway.

Deji Oshilaja (Charlton Athletic)

Ivan Toney (Brentford) x2
Jon Taylor (Doncaster Rovers)
Jonathan Obika (St Mirren)
Toumani Diagouraga (Morecambe)
Tyrone Barnett (Eastleigh)

Joe Pigott (AFC Wimbledon)
Joe Pigott (AFC Wimbledon)
Johann Berg Gudmundsson (Burnley)
Jonathan Obika (St Mirren)
Naby Sarr (Huddersfield Town


Chuks Aneke (Charlton Athletic)
Jack Wilshere (Bournemouth)


Ched Evans (Preston North End)
Dominic Calvert-Lewin (Everton)
Harry Chapman (Shrewsbury Town on loan from Blackburn Rovers)
Joe Ironside (Cambridge United)
Scott Hogan (Birmingham City) x2