Season 8 Game 26 (12-15 March)

THE ROUND-UP

In the spirit of our motto – None Shall Escape – here is a much-truncated collection of the final weeks of Season 8. It may be later than Northern Rail, but it’s finally got here. Somehow. This means no Categories or Zingers (shame!), just the results.

Anyway, before the break, the scores were :

ARSENAL – 0
SHEFFIELD WEDNESDAY – 3
CHARLTON ATHLETIC – 3 1/2
PETERBOROUGH UNITED – 9
SHEFFIELD UNITED – 9 1/2

GAME 26 – The Voice of a Desperate Housewife Freakin’ Out (12/3 – 15/3)

Will I Am, Eva Longoria (both 46) and Graham Coxon (53) are your birthdays.

Categories would be Darwinism, Not A Kid, Local Boy, Cup Week and Category without a name with Dallas at Weymouth, Watson at Northampton and List at Stevenage going up against an enemy unknown to mankind…

Sheffield Wednesday 2
Vadaine Oliver (Gillingham) x2

Sheffield United 4
Che Adams (Southampton)
Conor Washington (Charlton Athletic)
Dominic Calvert-Lewin (Everton)
Nathaniel Mendez-Laing (Middlesbrough)

Arsenal 3
Jay Emmanuel-Thomas (Livingston)
Rhys Murphy (Yeovil Town) x2

Peterborough United 8
Conor Washington (Charlton Athletic)
Ivan Toney (Brentford)
Jamie Walker (Heart of Midlothian)
Kyle Dempsey (Gillingham)
Nathaniel Mendez-Laing (Middlesbrough)
Rhys Bennett (Carlisle United) x2
Ryan Tafazolli (Wycombe Wanderers)

Charlton Athletic 0


GAME 27 – Keep This Fire Burning through Captain Kirk’s Darkest Hour (19/3-22/3).

Beverley Knight (47), William Shatner (90!) and Gary Oldman (63) are your birthdays.

Fresh Hell, Shirley, Burberry, Fag and PAUL ROBINSON!!! are your categories.

Hemmings at Burton, Ayew at Swansea andCharles at Accy face a grim, unyielding future.

Sheffield Wednesday 5
Aden Flint (Cardiff City)
Ayo Obileye (Queen of the South)
Kieran Lee (Bolton Wanderers)
Richard Wood (Rotherham United)
Vadaine Oliver (Gillingham)

Sheffield United 2
Callum McFadzean (Sunderland)
Scott Boden (Torquay United)

Arsenal 3
Danny Welbeck (Brighton and Hove Albion)
Josh Rees (Aldershot Town) x2

Peterborough United 5
Danny Lloyd (Tranmere Rovers)
Harry Beautyman (Sutton United)
Ivan Toney (Brentford)
Josh McQuoid (Weymouth)
Tyrone Barnett (Eastleigh)

Charlton Athletic 3
Ayo Obileye (Queen of the South)
Michael Smith (Rotherham United)
Richard Wood (Rotherham United)


GAME 28 – No titles or Categories given – [26/3-29/3]

Sheffield Wednesday 1
Caolan Lavery (Walsall)

Sheffield United 3
Caolan Lavery (Walsall)
James Hanson (Grimsby Town)
Stephen Quinn (Mansfield Town on loan from Burton Albion)

Arsenal 0

Peterborough United 4
Charlie Lee (Yeovil Town)
Jack Payne (Eastleigh)
Jason Cummings (Dundee)
Tom Conlon (Port Vale)

Charlton Athletic 3
Frank Nouble (Colchester United on loan from Plymouth Argyle)
Joe Pigott (AFC Wimbledon)
Sullay Kaikai (Blackpool)


GAME 29 – ‘Frank and the Manageress are In For A Penny’ – [2/4-5/4]

Michael Fassbender (44), Cherie Lunghi (69) and Steven Mulhern (44) are this week’s birthdays.

Categories are Where’s Russell, Day Trip To Brighton, Old School, Don’t Mean Nuthin’, Claridge Clock. and Ennis at Plymouth, Marquis at Portsmouth and Magennis at Hull taking on something semi-mythical that’s not the Easter Bunny….

Oh, alright, here’s a Zinger from Barney: ‘Cuddihy’ open the scoring for Clyde?

Sheffield Wednesday 4
Aiden McGeady (Sunderland) x2 (2 games)
Lucas Joao (Reading)
Steven Fletcher (Stoke City)

Sheffield United 7
Callum Robinson (West Bromwich Albion) x2
Chris Porter (Crewe Alexandra)
Clayton Donaldson (Bradford City)
John Brayford (Burton Albion)
Scott Hogan (Birmingham City)
Sean McGinty (Greenock Morton)

Arsenal 3
Chris Willock (Queens Park Rangers)
Danny Welbeck (Brighton and Hove Albion)
Josh Rees (Aldershot Town)

Peterborough United 2
Callum Elder (Hull City)
Matty Godden (Coventry City)

Charlton Athletic 6
Callum Harriott (Colchester United)
Conor McAleny (Oldham Athletic) x2
Josh Magennis (Hull City)
Paul Smyth (Accrington Stanley)
Sullay Kaikai (Blackpool)


GAME 30 – Rey is The One That Got Away down Old Town Road – [9/4-12/4].

Birthdays for Daisy Ridley (29) Hardy Kruger (93!) and Lil Nas X (22)

Categories are Known To The Authorities, Make Ya Ma Proud, Darwinism, Reverse Churchill and Born In Burberry

Pukki at Norwich, Reid at Stockport and Henderson at Salford face a harder challenge than jumping Becher’s Brook without a horse….

Sheffield Wednesday 4
Jacob Murphy (Newcastle United)
Kieran Lee (Bolton Wanderers)
Sam Winnall (Oxford United)
Will Keane (Wigan Athletic)

Sheffield United 6
Callum Robinson (West Bromwich Albion)
David Brooks (Bournemouth)
Joe Ironside (Cambridge United)
Kieran Dowell (Norwich City)
Marc McNulty (Dundee United on loan from Reading)
Matt Phillips (West Bromwich Albion)

Arsenal 1
Chris Willock (Queens Park Rangers)

Peterborough United 4
Carl Piergianni (Oldham Athletic)
George Moncur (Luton Town)
Ivan Toney (Brentford)
Jamie Walker (Heart of Midlothian)

Charlton Athletic 7
Conor McAleny (Oldham Athletic)
Frank Nouble (Colchester United on loan from Plymouth Argyle)
Joe Aribo (Rangers)
Joe Dodoo (Wigan Athletic)
Joe Pigott (AFC Wimbledon)
Josh Magennis (Hull City)
Sullay Kaikai (Blackpool)


GAME 31 – When Saturday Comes, The Tenth Doctor is a Bad Boy – [16/4-19/4]

Sean Bean (62), David Tennant (50) and Martin Lawrence (56) are your birthdays.

AND STAY OUT!. PAGGA!. Cup Week, Diamond Lights and Local Boy are your categories.

Greonwald at Bournemouth, Dykes at QPR and Earing at Halifax hope ‘that’ is busy elsewhere today…

Sheffield Wednesday 2
Sam Winnall (Oxford United)
Vadaine Oliver (Gillingham)

Sheffield United 4
Harrison McGahey (Scunthorpe United)
Lee Evans (Wigan Athletic)
Michael O’Halloran (St Johnstone)
Shaun Miller (Bolton Wanderers)

Arsenal 2
Jay Emmanuel-Thomas (Livingston) x2

Peterborough United 3
Kyle Vassell (Fleetwood Town)
Matty Godden (Coventry City)
Peter Grant (Queen’s Park)

Charlton Athletic 6
Conor McAleny (Oldham Athletic)
Joe Dodoo (Wigan Athletic)
Joe Pigott (AFC Wimbledon) x2
Josh Magennis (Hull City)
Tobi Sho-Silva (Sutton United)


GAME 32 – Scarface and Bridget Jones at the crease – [23/4-26/4]

Al Pacino (81), Renee Zelwegger (52) and Sachin Tendulkar (48) are the birthdays.

Categories are Don’t Call Me Shirley, Are You My Fag?, Unpleasant Local Derby, Not A Kid Anymore and Oyster Card.

Scully at Lincoln, Cole at Motherwell and Oates at Hartlepool are the week’s new adversaries for an old, old foe.

Sheffield Wednesday 4
David McGoldrick (Sheffield United)
James Tavernier (Rangers)
Vadaine Oliver (Gillingham)
Will Keane (Wigan Athletic)

Sheffield United 6
Clayton Donaldson (Bradford City)
Colin Kazim-Richards (Derby County)
Conor Sammon (Falkirk)
Marc McNulty (Dundee United on loan from Reading) x2
Matt Done (Rochdale)

Arsenal 1
Rhys Murphy (Yeovil Town)

Peterborough United 3
Jason Cummings (Dundee)
Kane Ferdinand (Woking)
Tom Conlon (Port Vale)

Charlton Athletic 3
Conor McAleny (Oldham Athletic)
Josh Magennis (Hull City)
Tony Watt (Motherwell)


GAME 33 – The Rock Says World Of Sport was Absolutely Fabulous – [30/4-3/5]

Dwayne Johnson (49), the great and powerful Dickie Davies (88) and Joanna Lumley (75) are your birthdays.

Sarr at Watford, Mendes Gomes at Morecambe and Fernandes at Man Yoo hope against hope for some end of season cheer…

Categories were to be: Fresh Hell, Old School, Born In Burberry, Don’t Mean Nuthin and Paul Robinson!!!!

Jeff “Wiggy” Stelling asked Lee Hendrie to describe the Swansea City v Derby County game so far – “It’s raining.” [It perked up later, Swansea winning 2-1].

Sheffield Wednesday 4
Chris Maguire (Sunderland)
Michail Antonio (West Ham United) x2
Ryan Croasdale (Stockport County)

Sheffield United 6
Ched Evans (Preston North End)
Conor Sammon (Falkirk)
Dominic Calvert-Lewin (Everton)
Kieran Dowell (Norwich City) x2
Matt Done (Rochdale)

Arsenal 3
Chuks Aneke (Charlton Athletic)
Danny Welbeck (Brighton and Hove Albion)
Jay Emmanuel-Thomas (Livingston)

Peterborough United 6
Ivan Toney (Brentford)
Jason Cummings (Dundee) x2
Josh Davison (Forest Green Rovers)
Ricky Miller (Aldershot Town)
Tyrone Barnett (Eastleigh)

Charlton Athletic 3
Joe Dodoo (Wigan Athletic)
Joe Pigott (AFC Wimbledon)
Josh Magennis (Hull City)


GAME 34 – Are you still having fun on Planet Earth? Fat Chance… – [7/5-10/5]

Birthdays for Eagle-Eye Cherry (53) David Attenborough (95) and Paul Heaton (59).

Categories are Russell, Claridge, Proud, Darwinism and Category without a name and we’ll go with Pigott at AFC Wimbledon, Nisbet at Hibs and Rees at Aldershot to have the same sinking feeling of a Labour councillor 24 hours before the polls open…

Two ROCK Birthdays to cheer you up though. Motorhead’s lead guitarist Phil Campbell (62) and the ‘proper’ Whitesnake axeman Bermie Marsden (70)

Sheffield Wednesday 5
Hallam Hope (Swindon Town)
Lloyd Isgrove (Bolton Wanderers)
Sam Winnall (Oxford United)
Vadaine Oliver (Gillingham)
Will Keane (Wigan Athletic)

Sheffield United 5
Chris Porter (Crewe Alexandra)
Dominic Calvert-Lewin (Everton)
Kyle McFadzean (Coventry City) x2 [1 o.g.]
Stephen Quinn (Mansfield Town on loan from Burton Albion)

Arsenal 1
Craig Eastmond (Sutton United)

Peterborough United 4
Ben Nugent (Barnet) o.g.
Gwion Edwards (Ipswich Town)
Ivan Toney (Brentford)
Lloyd Isgrove (Bolton Wanderers)

Charlton Athletic 2
Martyn Waghorn (Derby County) x2


GAME 35 – [14/5-16/5]

Thought to be the last of the season and didn’t have a title or categories. However….

Sheffield Wednesday 0

Sheffield United 3
Che Adams (Southampton)
Scott Boden (Torquay United on loan from Chesterfield) x2

Arsenal 2
Danny Welbeck (Brighton and Hove Albion)
Theo Walcott (Southampton on loan from Everton)

Peterborough United 2
Joe Lewis (Aberdeen) o.g.
Tyrone Barnett (Eastleigh)

Charlton Athletic 0


GAME 36 [21/5-24/5]
Actually there were enough teams so, for the final time…

Sheffield Wednesday 2
Connor Kirby (Altrincham on loan from Harrogate Town)
David McGoldrick (Sheffield United)

Sheffield United 0

Arsenal 0

Peterborough United 2
Charlie Lee (Yeovil Town)
Ivan Toney (Brentford)

Charlton Athletic 0


ARSENAL – 0
SHEFFIELD WEDNESDAY – 4 1/2
CHARLTON ATHLETIC – 5 1/2
PETERBOROUGH UNITED – 12 1/2
SHEFFIELD UNITED – 13 1/2

IT’S ANOTHER TITLE FOR THE BLADES!!!

GIVE ME MONEY VIA THE ABOVE LINK!

Season 8 Game 25 (5-8 March)

THE ‘Walter White’s The King – Alright!’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE
So named because of the weekend birthdays of Bryan Cranston (65), Sir Viv Richards (66) and Gaz Coombes (46).

 


Barney: ‘Colchester winger collects second yellow – that’s not Nouble’ [Frank Nouble, whose dismissal was part of their 2-0 home loss to Newport County]
Chris: ‘Whitely scores against his old club – should he celebrate? That’s a conundrum’ [Corey Whiteley scored the opening goal in Boreham Wood’s 2-2 draw away to Dagenham & Redbridge]
Howard: ‘Patrick makes it ‘Brough’ for Mansfield’ [Barrow’s Brough scored 2 goals shortly after Ryan Sweeney was sent off.]

Is losing control of all the COVID mutations out there – the South African, the Brazillian and now a newer strain that it believes is named after it misheard a mortal describe the Prime Minister. Who knows how the Kent COVID will affect future plans?

These ruminations utterly failed to prevent Kyle Wootton at Notts County[they didn’t even dare play during this week!], Mallik Wilks at Hull City or Heung-Min Son at Tottingham Hotspurs from the Dread Hand’s blandishments and another blank was recorded.

It’s been a fairly grim old season for both Sheffield clubs with a dual relegation looking increasingly likely for yon Blades and Owls. The latter also have the added burden of being snookered by FFP. One of the higher earners at Hillsborough is defender Julian Borner and to be fair, he has been one of Wednesday’s better players. But that’s really not saying much and his double-whammy of a pass to nobloodybody followed by last man rugby tackle on George Puscas = straight red for Borner and a converted Reading penalty is plenty enough to get the prize.

The unravelling begins at around 0:25 [LINK].

And this is another blank, I’m honestly not sure if there’s been a multiple red-card rumble when we’ve put this up as a category. It’s the lack of fans meaning a lack of atmosphere, said Russ Abbot [maybe they’re on an All Night Holiday?].

 

Kilmarnock’s veteran striker Kyle Lafferty was busted by the footballing authorities over betting on matches and was £23,000 out of pocket at the end of the hearing.

Failing that, we have the side-issue of Gavin Whyte who scored twice this week on loan with Hull City, but back in his Oxford United days, he was caught exposing himself in Belfast city centre [LINK]. Just to make it even worse, it was the same night that he was being honoured at a sports dinner at an awards ceremony for his on-field achievements. He was “spoken to” by the authorities.


Barney was feeling rather smug when Preston North End’s midfielder Daniel Johnson scored as his namesake was a musician of occasional genius and very wobbly health much admired by Kurt Cobain. But it was a case of ‘best laid plans and all that’ as that’s actually Daniel Johnston.
So, this meant we had to fall on the old stand-bys of Traffic co-founder/Burnley target man Chris Wood, and Busted bassist/Exeter City striker Matt Jay.


Aston Villa v Wolverhampton Wanderers. It’s Villa v Wolves. It’s Birmingham [and Wolverhampton]. Barney was about to suggest further Dagenham & Redbridge v Boreham Wood…but the referee intervened, invoking the mercy rule. No son, you’ve done enough.


Barney – called Morecambe v Carlisle United at 3-0 on 60 min – Finished: 3-1 – FAILED!
Howard
– called Norwich City v Luton Town at 3-0 on 72 min – Finished: 3-0 – FAILED!
Chris
– called Reading v Sheffield Wednesday at 2-0 on 64min in a fit of desperation – Finished: 3-0 – FAILED!

 

As mentioned above it’s been a shocker of a season for the Sheffield clubs. Both outfits can share in the delight of having ex-players score against them over the weekend with Lucas Joao of Reading and Southampton’s Che Adams netting against the Owls and Blades respectively. At least It Don’t Mean Nuthin’ to them.

However, this wasn’t the best set of It Don’t Mean Nuthin’s as Dagenham & Redbridge v Boreham Wood saw the Daggers’ Angelo Balanta and Boreham Wood’s Corey Whiteley [two mentions in one post! Need any more publicity doing Corey?] score against their former clubs.

Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink’s back at Burton Albion, and the Brewers are going up the league table apace since his arrival. Their win over Peterborough United saw Kane Hemmings score the opener. The well-travelled [“old”] striker’s last three clubs are Notts County – Dundee – Burton, which will always be enough for an AND STAY OUT!!!

Sunderland v Rochdale ended in a rather predictable home success. We have to ask Is It Cup Week? as that’s a Premiership v League Two clash 10 or 15 years back.

It’s always gratifying to see a Local Boy Makes Good and Inverness Caledonian Thistle’s Bulgarian striker Nikolay Todorov’s goal for the away team against Alloa Athletic in the Scottish Championship certainly would have warmed the hearts of some of Thistle’s more parochial followers.

Finally Middlesborough lost 2-1 to Swansea City after the home team were awarded a contentious penalty in the 8th minute of 2nd half injury time when 5 minutes was shown on the fourth officials’ board. Boro’s boss Neil Warnock was in familiar philosophical form and in no way at all was this a Fresh Hell.

“WHERE DO I START?!” Raging Neil Warnock blasts match officials after defeat to Swansea [LINK].


Ayo Obileye (Queen of the South) x2
Lucas Joao (Reading) – counting double against his old club
Vadaine Oliver (Gillingham) x2


Jason Cummings (Dundee)
Kyle Vassell (Released) was Fleetwood
Omar Bogle (Doncaster Rovers)
Shaq Coulthirst (Boreham Wood)
Tom Nichols (Crawley Town)
Toumani Diagouraga (Morecambe)
Tyrone Barnett (Eastleigh)

charlton02
Ayo Obileye (Queen of the South) x2
Jamie Ward (Solihull Moors)
Joe Dodoo (Wigan Athletic)
Omar Bogle (Doncaster Rovers)

Arsenal
A blank!


Che Adams (Southampton)- counting double against his old club
James Hanson (Grimsby Town)
Jamie Ward (Solihull Moors)

 


A NARROW WIN FOR THE POSH

Season 8 Game 24 (26 February – 1 March)

THE ‘let’s just get this over with and published eh’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE
So named because this has gone on long enough. In unrelated news, over this weekend were the birthdays of Timothy Spall (64), Derren Brown (50) and Chelsea Clinton (41).


Barney: ‘Did the Swindon equiliser arrive in first half stoppage Twine?’ [Scott Twine’s goal was the first in Swindon’s 2-1 win over Northampton Town]
Chris: [had one but it was digitally removed by chicanery]
Howard: ‘Knowles’ goal has snookered Dagenham(or it deserves a “Tony”)’ [Tom Knowles’ goal won the game for Yeovil Town 1-0]

The Dread Hand of Barney sat back again sat this one out, watching the Brexit disaster continue to play out. the next hundred waves of Covid appear, and waited for the next disaster to happen.


Barney – called Charlton Athletic v Blackpool at 0-3 on 63 min – Finished : 0-3- FAILED!
Howard
– called nothing this week – FAILED!
Chris
– called Leyton Orient v Tranmere Rovers  at 0-3 on 63 min – Finished: 1-3 – FAILED!


Was that a pagga at the end of Bournemouth v Watford? Why yes. Just 16 minutes for Jack Wilshere to come on and get two yellow cards.

Also a fine make ya ma proud from Bromley’s Chris Bush. Red Carded on his first game back from two match ban for a straight red on 6 February.


Chris Maguire (Sunderland)
Danny Mayor (Plymouth Argyle)
Michael Morrison (Reading)
Michail Antonio (West Ham United)
Vadaine Oliver (Gillingham)


Carl Piergianni (Oldham Athletic)
Ivan Toney (Brentford)
Jason Cummings (Dundee)
Jon Taylor (Doncaster Rovers)
Junior Morias (Boreham Wood on loan from St Mirren)
Ryan Tunnicliffe (Luton Town)
Tom Nichols (Crawley Town)
Tyler Denton (King’s Lynn Town)

charlton02
Brandon Hanlan (Bristol Rovers)
Brendan Sarpong-Wiredu (Colchester United) o.g.
Josh Magennis (Hull City)
Michael Morrison (Reading)
Scott Sinclair (Preston North End)

Arsenal
Josh Rees (Aldershot Town)
Kyle Bartley (West Bromwich Albion)


Ched Evans (Preston North End)
Chris Porter (Crewe Alexandra)
Colin Kazim-Richards (Derby County)
Kyle Bartley (West Bromwich Albion)
Shaun Miller (Bolton Wanderers)

 


A CLEAR POSH WIN!

Season 8 Game 23 (19-22 Feb)

THE ‘Buffy’s Secrets & Lies – rated R’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE
So named because of the weekend birthdays of Anthony Stewart Head (67), Mike Leigh (78) and Rihanna (33).


Nothing else called, so the usual punishment applies:
Howard: “Jamar’s team are not going to Loza this one”

The Dread Hand of Barney was not on call this week, which is possibly why Shane Long was allowed to score his first goal in over a year. Had it still been a category, it would have qualified for a ‘Bendtner!’. Bournemouth still lost 2-1 to Queen’s Park Rangers, so maybe there was a little demonic intervention.


Barney & Chris – didn’t call anything – FAILED!
Howard
– called Huddersfield Town v Swansea City at 4-1 on 55 min – Finished: 4-1 – FAILED!


Wiggy update – after Marlon Pack scored in Cardiff City’s game with Preston North End, Mr Stelling told the Soccer Saturday faithful: “Preston have been sent Pack-ing” [Cardiff won 4-0, by the way]. Has he been reading our Zingers section? We did that gag ages ago! And if so, how about a scriptwriting job, Sky TV?
He was on form, as later Charlie Brown scored for Milton Keynes Dons, the Great One said “MK Dons bought Charlie Brown from Chelsea. You know how much they paid for him? Peanuts!” [We can’t claim credit for that one]. MK beat Northampton Town 4-3.

Also – James Coppinger (40) scored in Fergie Time (90+12! – could this be a new category??), earning Doncaster Rovers a 3-3 draw with Hull City. Given that Hull were 3-1 up, this would certainly have qualified as a Reverse Churchill.


Ayo Obileye (Queen of the South)
Caolan Lavery (Walsall)
Michail Antonio (West Ham United)
Steven Fletcher (Stoke City)

Jamie Walker (Heart of Midlothian)
Jason Cummings (Dundee)
Jermaine Anderson (Aldershot Town)
Josh Davison (Leicester City on loan from Charlton Athletic)
Omar Bogle (Doncaster Rovers)

charlton02Ademola Lookman (Fulham on loan from RB Leipzig)
Ayo Obileye (Queen of the South)
Joe Aribo (Rangers)
Josh Magennis (Hull City)
Omar Bogle (Doncaster Rovers)
Tobi Sho-Silva (Sutton United)

ArsenalMarc Bola (Middlesbrough)

Caolan Lavery (Walsall)
James Wilson (Salford City)
Marc McNulty (Dundee United on loan from Reading)
Scott Hogan (Birmingham City)
Seamus Conneely (Accrington Stanley)
Shaun Miller (Bolton Wanderers)

 


HALF EACH FOR THE BLADES AND THE ADDICKS!

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