Zinger
Barney: Nothing rosy in the {Michael} Gardyne for Motherwell
Howard: Michael Rankine is Uptown Top…
Chris:Preston makes Dunfermline Ordinary Boys. (Barney judged this one the winner, though at the risk of seeming ungracious, I believe it was used last season. Points for recycling though. It’s good for the planet and all that. My vote for the top Zinger is probably the Gardyne one.)

He Sh*ts Goals
Omar Bogle (Grimsby Town) – SCORED TWICE!! – He will learn to defy the dread hand of Barney…
Osman Sow (Heart of Midlothian) – FAILED!
Jay O’Shea (Chesterfield) – FAILED!

Don’t Call Me Shirley
Blank. This week’s crop of players being far too er…manly (?)

Make Ya Ma Proud
Velon Behrami’s mother wipes away a prideful tear as her son gets a red on his Watford debut.

It Don’t Mean Nuthin’
No acts of satisfying revenge were carried out this week. Must try harder.

Born In Burberry
Forest Green’s Keanu Marsh-Brown has been down this here road before (to quite Whitesnake), so the trophy goes to Kilmarnock’s Kallum Higginbotham, who will be collecting the accolade in his Nissan Micra with a spoiler on the back and tinted windows. That’s Callum….with a K. Innit.

Stealth Gub
Barney – called Gillingham v Blackpool at 1-0 on 15 min – Finished 2-1!- FAILED!
Howard – called Birmingham City v Bristol City at 3-1 on 48 min – Finished 4-2 – FAILED!
Chris – called St Johnstone v Hamilton Academical at 3-0 on 43 min – Finished 4-1 – FAILED!

You’re Not A Kid Anymore
Charlie Walker at Aldershot, come on down and take your Chopper with you (oo-er missus)!