Season 3 Game 09 (18-21 September)

THE BATMAN’S GRIM MIS-SHAPES HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the weekend birthdays of Batman legend Adam West (87), The Thin Blue Line’s David Haig (60; Haig was Inspector Grim) and Pulp’s Jarvis Cocker (52, sort that vagrant beard out.)

THE CATEGORIES

ZingerZinger
It does not compute that there were no zingers this week. What about “[Andy] Butler serves up a goal for Doncaster”? Not exactly vintage, but better than nothing Barney (you! yes….you!) provided…

He Shi*s GoalsHe Sh*ts Goals
Barney fires blanks again with noughts all around for Barrow’s Andy Cook, Brighton’s Tomer Hemed and Mansfield’s Matt Green. Firing blanks is nothing new for Barney as at least three of his exes would attest (his words, by the way, and clearly TMI).

Day Trip To BrightonDay Trip To Brighton
It’s a rare beast when this occurs, which is another way of saying ‘It didn’t happen’…well, this time lightning DID strike twice – Northampton Town midfielder Joel Byrom netted at both ends in their 4-2 away win at Morecambe. If that wasn’t enough, Bradford City’s James Meredith got 50% of the goals in Sunday’s Yorkshire derby at home to Sheffield United. The game finished 2-2.

And stay out!…And Stay Out!
Billy McKay was a regular on our ‘He S$!£s Goals’ section when he was at Inverness Caledonian Thistle. Alas, McKay, being familiar with the 21st century, failed to settle after his £900k move to Wigan and is back in Scotland at Dundee Utd…where he scored against said Invercally, and didn’t celebrate.

Local Boy Makes GoodLocal Boy Makes Good
Rotherham United’s Norwich loanee Vadis Odjidja-Ofoe [Belgium]early strike might have been bettered by Xavier Vidal’s goal for Welling United, had he not turned out to be English. All were overshadowed by Spain’s Sergio Alvarez, who netted a late effort for Arbroath.

Are You My Fag?Are You My Fag?
No less that 5 entries here, but Fleetwood’s Tyler Hornby-Forbes will be getting the toast from a first-former, inheriting a fortune he didn’t earn, becoming a Conservative MP for Surrey Heath and telling us peasant to work bloody harder. [Sorry, we appear to have let Jeremy Corbyn input this paragraph. Vote Dalek!]

Glenn & ChrisDiamond Lights
A big hello to Leeds’ Chris Wood, who also moonlights as the late Traffic multi-instrumentalist and the very-much-living British folk virtuoso.

Stealth GubStealth Gub
Barney
– called Stenhousemuir v Dunfermline at 0-3 on 44 min – Finished 0-5?! – NOT FAILED!
Howard
– called Montrose v East Stirling at 2-0 on 19 min – Finished 2-1! – FAILED!
Chris
– called in ‘sick’

Miscellany

Kevin Mirallas surely Made His Ma proud with a fine nine minute, two yellow card cameo after coming on as a sub for Everton.

Also worth noting was the perfomance from Hyde United, one of the worst teams in any league last season, who Wham-med hapless Stamford 7-1. No really. Thats seven (s-e-v-e-n) one.

The Results

sheffield-wednesday-box
OneMickael Antoine-Curier (Dunfermline)


ThreeAaron McLean (Barnet)
Craig Mackail-Smith (Luton Town)
Saido Berahino (West Bromwich Albion)

charlton02
FourDavid Mooney (Southend United)
Martyn Waghorn (Rangers) x2
Michael Turner (Sheffield Wednesday, on loan from Norwich City)
Simon Church (Milton Keynes Dons)


TwoJay Simpson (Leyton Orient)
Matthew Connolly (Cardiff City) – last minute own goal, as if it wasn’t bad enough already…


ThreeAndy Butler (Doncaster Rovers)
David Cotterill (Birmingham City)
Nick Blackman (Reading)

OVERALL RESULT: A NARROW WIN FOR CHARLTON – MAKING A SERIOUS BID FOR THE H-I-H CROWN THIS SEASON!