Season 3 Game 40 (11-14 Mar)

THE Go Into The Wild, make a porno, and do us all a favour HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the weekend birthdays of Emile Hirsch (31), Ron Jeremy (63) and Adam Ant (60). Emile Hirsch was in “Into The Wild”, which I’ve not heard of, despite it being a Sean Penn film (surely he should put his energies into making Shanghai Surprise II not all this rubbish!)

THE CATEGORIES

ZingerZinger
Barney:
‘O’Brien puts Welling in Room 101’ [Must admit, I still don’t get that]
Chris: ‘Cash converts for Dagenham and Redbridge’
Howard: ‘It’s no way Ajose for Millwall’

The Dread Hand Of BarneyThe Dread Hand of Barney
The semi-supernatural entity spooked Burnley’s Andre Grey and Kemar Roofe into not continuing their goal-scoring run. It did not prevent Shane Sutherland at Peterhead finding the net twice, but that’s because the hand isn’t the youngest and had a twinge of arthritis heading to Northern Scotland.

Reverse ChurchillReverse Churchill
Southport 3-3 Welling and Rotherham 3-3 Derby featured 3 goals in the last 7 minutes to equalise by the away and home team respectively.

And this part is where Barney has a rant. So all the rest of you can make a soothing cup of tea while our man on the touchline completely loses it. Take it away, master Bell…no really take it away, we don’t want it…

But at least the points were shared there, unlike at London Road, where a Graham Westley Halftime Churchill saw Posh lose 2-3 having been 2-0 up. With Zakuani on the bench. And Michael Smith is horrible defensively and the entire division knows it.

And Westley out, obviously.

THAT’S WESTLEY OUT.…AND BLOWING OUT THE PRESS DOESN’T HELP EITHER, JESUS, WE’RE 2-1 UP AND HE TAKES OFF THE ANCHORMAN AND THE DEBUT GUY AND BRINGS ON TWO ATTACKING MIDFIELDERS WHEN WE HAVE ZAKUANI ON THE SODDING BENCH.

And so on…and on…and on… like Ariston…(ask yer dad)…

Tony Craig's Oyster CardTony Craig’s Oyster Card
Barrow’s Andy Cook. Two previous clubs were Carlisle United and Workington AFC. Reports he eats nothing but Kendal Mint Cake couldn’t be confirmed as we went to press, presumably because it isn’t true.

Glenn & ChrisDiamond Lights
No takers this week, maybe they just missed the top 10, “like School Of Seven Bells superb eponymous final album did last week” (Legal disclaimer: those words are Barney’s and Barney’s alone). I think it missed the charts in the same way that Eddie the Eagle missed out on a gold medal.

Born into BurberryBorn In Burberry
Bristol City’s Marlon Pack was the early front-runner here, but was overtaken by Exeter’s Jayden Stockley. Both would obviously be found hanging outside an off-licence trying to get an adult to buy some cheap cans of cider.

Stealth GubStealth Gub
Barney
– called Sue Perkins repeatedly, but to no avail. And was not out this week – FAILED!
Howard
– called Rochdale v Bury at 3-0 on 60 min – Finished: 3-0 – FAILED!
Chris
– called Hartlepool v Dagenham and Redbridge at 3-1 on 61 min – Finished: 3-1 –  FAILED!

Youre not a kid anymoreYou’re Not A Kid Anymore
You’ll be 26 soon, Matty Taylor at Bristol Rovers, another 6 years and you’ll be able to call yourself Matty T, just like Stevie G.

Miscellany

Bought to you this week by the Indodrill Stadium, formerly Recreation Park, home of Alloa Athletic. Indodrill, for all your mining (no chance of that) and prospecting needs in the Central Scottish area. Based in Singapore.

And now time for some late items of news (as they used to say on The Two Ronnies)…

Firstly, not one, not two, but three ‘Bentdner’s In Leon Best’s double being his first in 5 months, a similar timespan accrued for Coventry’s Marc-Antoine Fortune whilst Jean-Louis Akpa Akpro’s goal for Shrewsbury was his first since late October.

Cheltenham’s Dan Holman delivered a one-man ‘good seeing to’, hitting four against Woking in a spectacular ‘It don’t mean nuthin’ as he scored 14 in 26 for The Cards last season.

An awkward moment for Altrincham, who dismissed manager Lee Sinnott on 10 March. First game under new boss Neil Tolson saw them travel to Barrow, where they took the lead via former manager’s son Jordan Sinnott’s free kick, who pointedly refused to celebrate.

And in a Make Ya Ma Proud from BBC sport’s coverage of Burton v Fleetwood:

65:43 Fleetwood Town make a substitution: Bobby Grant replaces Victor Nirennold

67:10 Bobby Grant (Fleetwood Town) is shown a straight red card for violent conduct.

The Results

sheffield-wednesday-box
ThreeHallam Hope (Carlisle United, on loan from Bury)
Leon Best (Rotherham United) x2


FiveJosh Thompson (Southport)
Lee Tomlin (Bristol City, on loan from Bournemouth)
Nathaniel Mendez-Laing (Rochdale) x2
Nicky Ajose (Swindon Town)

charlton02
ThreeBradley Goldberg (Bromley) x2
Josh Wright (Gillingham)

Arsenal
NilAnother clean sheet. If only this was the real-life side…


FiveBilly Paynter (Hartlepool United)
Nathaniel Mendez-Laing (Rochdale) x2
Sam Vokes (Burnley)
Scott Boden (Newport County)

OVERALL RESULT: IF IT WASN’T FOR THERE BEING TWO JACK PAYNES, THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN AN OUTRIGHT WIN FOR BARNEY. AS IT IS, POINTS SHARED WITH THE BLADES!