Season 3 Game 41 (18-21 Mar)

THE ‘This Love for Martha Jones is Unbreakable’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the weekend birthdays of Maroon 5’s Adam Levine (38), Doctor Who’s Freema Agyeman (37) and Bruce Willis and his string vest (who were both 61) .


‘Miles Storey writes another chapter in Highland Derby’
Chris: AWOL – sends apologies / rude hand gestures
Howard: ‘Wolves’ defender equalises in 90th minute – It wasn’t an early Batth’

The Dread Hand Of BarneyThe Dread Hand of Barney
The spiritual entity clearly lost his grasp on Harry Kane, as the Spurs striker scored twice on the Sunday, and also failed to prevent Denny Johnstone of Morton bagging a goal. The deathly touch did work on Portsmouth’s Mark McNulty, but he didn’t see out the full 90 minutes. Maybe he was scared away?

DON'T CALL ME SHIRLEYDon’t Call Me Shirley
No instances of footballing androgyny were spotted.

And stay out!…And Stay Out!
Inverness Caledonian Thistle’s Miles Storey makes a repeat appearance here as his last three clubs have been Portsmouth, Newport County and Invercally. All whilst on loan from Swindon.

Travel PagesThe Travel Pages
And it’s that time of the year when summer holidays are booked and teams are 15 points away from safety. Step forward Alloa “Athletic” who are the first of many entrants onto the travel pages of Season 2015-2016. EDIT: And they were the first British team to be relegated, ironically, on the 1st of April.

Known To The AuthoritiesKnown To The Authorities
This was very nearly a blank until right at the very last, the ol’ faithful Troy Deeney popped up with a judicious penalty, as opposed to punching down a student and receiving a judicial penalty.

Fresh HellFresh Hell
Mick McCarthy v Neil Warnock. High Green v Frecheville. Extreme North Sheffield v Extreme South-east Sheffield. A win for the South East on this occasion would leave McCarthy crying into his Mackeson Stout.

Darwinism In ActionDarwinism In Action
Sheffield Wednesday 3-0 Charlton Athletic. One of these teams is 6th, the other is 23rd. And one (or two?) of our contestants is very happy they didn’t endure a ‘Where’s Russell?’ 360-mile round trip to see this game.

Stealth GubStealth Gub
– called Leyton Orient v Morecambe at 0-0 on 12 min – Finished: 1-0 – FAILED!
– called Ross County v Inverness Caledonian Thistle at 0-3 on 48 min – Finished: 0-3 – FAILED!
– called Port Vale v Burton Albion at 0-3 on 56 min – Finished: 0-4 – FAILED!


Wycombe Wanderers’ Aaron Holloway enacted what can only be described as a Brighton + with a double at the right end and one at the wrong end. Despite ‘investigations’, Barney was unable to find a more appropriate description, although his browser is now mysteriously clogged-up with Pop-ups and Malware…

The Results

FiveDanny Batth (Wolverhampton Wanderers)
Leon Best (Rotherham United)
Michael Morrison (Birmingham City)
Rhys McCabe (Dunfermline Athletic)
Tom Soares (Bury)

TwoIzale McLeod (Notts County)
Lee Tomlin (Bristol City, on loan from Bournemouth)

SixIzale McLeod (Notts County)
Jamal Campbell-Ryce (Chesterfield, on loan from Sheffield United)
Mark Hudson (Huddersfield Town)
Michael Morrison (Birmingham City)
Scott Wagstaff (Bristol City)
Tom Soares (Bury)

ThreeAnthony Stokes (Hibernian, on loan from Celtic)
Cesc Fabregas (Chelsea) x2
Rhys Murphy (AFC Wimbledon)

SixAnthony Stokes (Hibernian, on loan from Celtic)
Danny Batth (Wolverhampton Wanderers)
Harry Bunn (Huddersfield Town)
Izale McLeod (Notts County)
John-Joe O’Toole (Northampton Town)
Sam Vokes (Burnley)