Season 4 Game 17 (21-24 Oct)

THE ‘keeping Up With The Tall Man in the Deadpool’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the weekend birthdays of Jeff Golblum (63), Kim Kardashian (36) and Ryan Reynolds (39).


‘East Kilbride’s Gibbons gets sent off, goes ape’ [after the defender’s red card for violent conduct].
Chris: ‘It’s good-night from Joe Day’ [following the Newport County keeper’s dismissal v Plymouth Argyle].
Howard: ‘”What’cha talkin’ about Willis?”’ After Stenhousemuir’s Willis Furtado gets a second yellow for Foul and Abusive Language. [EDIT: I don’t remember suggesting this one!]

The Dread Hand Of BarneyThe Dread Hand of Barney
Found the recent reruns of Time Team series 1 to be fascinating, though it wishes young Mick Harding would get a haircut. Our semi-supernatural acquaintance managed to stall the goalscoring runs of Preston North End’s Hughill and Dundee United’s Toni Andreu, alas, Barrow’s Byron Harrison’s goal against Woking prevented a clean sweep.

Travel PagesThe Travel Pages
Has produced nothing this week. Maybe because of the Southern Rail strike. Is keeping a watchful eye on Sunderland and Fort William though.

Known To The AuthoritiesKnown To The Authorities
It’s a blank. Not even a drink-drive offence. Football players, sort it out. Dover Athletic’s Ricky Miller was the closest, having been found not guilty of aggravated assault. Let’s hope he didn’t use the same legal chicanery as Ched Evans’ lawyers…

It Dont Mean NuthinIt Don’t Mean Nuthin’
Shrewsbury Town’s Ivan Toney was a teenage star at Northampton Town before joining Newcastle United for an ‘undisclosed fee’ a couple of years back. He’s thrived there, which is why he’s made zero starts for Ashley Inc. and is on loan at League One’s bottom club, where he scored both Shrews goals against the Cobblers in a 2-4 reverse. Mind you, it could be worse, he could be working at Sports Direct…

Darwinism In ActionDarwinism In Action
Forest Green Rovers (2nd in National League) 3 Guiseley (Last) 0. And the Nailsworth outfit hit the post twice.

Stealth GubStealth Gub
– called Huntly v Spartans [NOTE: not the amateur side from The Arsenal StadiumMystery] called at 0-2 on 25 min – Finished: 0-2 – FAILED!
– called Blackpool v Doncaster Rovers at 4-1 on 50 min – Finished: 4-2 – FAILED!
– called Dover Athletic v Braintree Town at 4-1 on 41 min – Finished: 6-1 – GUBBED!!

Paul RobinsonAn Evening With Paul Robinson
Torquay United 0-0 Aldershot Town. Five shots on target. That sounds good to these ears and this category. [NOTE: Torquay’s own website described the first half as “lively” !]


Quite a bit to cover (ie. a lot of waffle!)

Couldn’t help but notice Solihull Moors’ Damson Park ground is now known as The Automated Technology Group Stadium. Accusations the team played like robots may be closer to the truth than usual.

A HIH ‘chapeau’ to the aforementioned Ricky Miller, who indulged in a one man ‘good seeing to’ against Braintree Town [this made it 15 goals in 15 appearances in all competitions this season].

Because The Cavendish actually put the sound on, we were blessed with hearing a 60p from Chesterfield’s Proact stadium, which was built all those years ago in 2009. We also got a vintage Merson-vous-anglais, where Leicester City’s Algerian target man (Islam Slimani) was described as “Isam Salami” by Mr Merson to the amusement of his fellow panellists.

Fun and games in the Scottish cup qualifiers, can you guess what happened in this game?

30:37, GOAL!!! Derek Young (Formartine United)

31:09 Kane Winton (Banks O’Dee) is shown a straight red for violent conduct

31:44 Derek Young (Formartine United) is shown a straight red for violent conduct

A PAGGA!, in the home of PAGGAs.

A PAGGA! Is rarely bettered, but Preston Athletic’s efforts against Montrose are worthy of least an honourable mention:

Preston Athletic 0-3 Montrose.

91’ Jack Jardine (Preston Athletic) is shown a straight red card for a dangerous tackle.

92’ Gavin Stephenson (Preston Athletic) is shown a second yellow card for foul and abusive language

92’ FT Preston Athletic 0-3 Montrose

Danny O’Rourke (Preston Athletic) is shown a straight red card for foul and abusive language.

We’re in rarified air for this week’s sponsor, as it is Premier League club Hull City (won’t be saying that next year, according to Barney) and their 3 year deal with SportPesa which, as I’m sure you all know, is a sports betting company based in Kenya. Yes, Kenya. Not quite the most economically stable of countries, but Hull’s commercial department were clearly swayed by the company’s assurances that business was ‘doing pretty good’ and they ‘employed many people’ (from Financial Times-click here for link) So that’s just fine, nothing to worry about there.

The Results

OneGrant Holt (Hibernian)

EightDanny Swanson (St Johnstone on loan from Coventry City)
Erhun Oztumer (Walsall) x2
Gabriel Zakuani (Northampton Town)
Kyle Vassell (Blackpool)
Nicky Ajose (Charlton Athletic)
Souleymane Coulibaly (Kilmarnock)
Tommy Rowe (Doncaster Rovers)

ThreeAswad Thomas (Dover Athletic)
Dale Stephens (Brighton and Hove Albion)
Matt Fry (York City)

TwoAnthony Jeffrey (Boreham Wood on loan from Concord Rangers)
Henri Lansbury (Nottingham Forest)

10Alex Baptiste (Preston North End on loan from Middlesbrough)
Andy Taylor (Blackpool, o.g.)
Billy Clarke (Bradford City)-counting double against old club
Chris Porter (Colchester United) x2
Gary Cahill (Chelsea)
Jamie Ward (Burton Albion)
Jordan Slew (Plymouth Argyle)
Sam Vokes (Burnley)