THE ‘Saga Continues for Gwen Tracy on Eggheads’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE
So named because of the weekend birthdays of P Diddy (surely time to ditch the silly name at 46, Sean?), Emma Stone (28) and former Egghead, CJ de Mooi (48).
The Dread Hand of Barney
Was pleased to see that attractive young fellow Mr Trump win the US election as politics shouldn’t be left to women. It hopes Mr Trump will indeed make America great again, back to a time when men were men, women were women and children had polio. This good mood was enhanced when neither Fleetwood Town’s Ashley Hunter, Lincoln City’s Matt Rhead or Walsall’s Erhun Ozhumer (“the Turkish Messi”) scored.
Make Ya Ma Proud
Crawley Town’s Andre Blackman had a lot to say against Bristol Rovers, so much so he was booked for foul and abusive language and subsequently red carded for dissent. A reality show with him and Ross Flitney (see below) could see Channel 4, beat it’s own swearing record.
Are You My Fag?
Colchester United’s Tarique Fosu-Henry has been here before so we’ll go with the superbly named Duane Ofori-Acheampong at Dartford instead. Clearly named after a gas cloud in the Surrey town…. A Cheam Pong – see what I’ve done there. [EDIT: Barney wrote this. I feel he should get the full kicking. er credit, he deserves here]
Accrington Stanley’s Romauld Boco appears in another category, having racked up the requisite 10 clubs in his career, including Accrington (not once, not twice, but thrice), Sligo Rovers (Twice) and of course, FC Bharat of India.Here he is (above) looking cross-eyed, shortly after saying he was delighted to be back at Accrington….
Barney – called Bournemouth v Sunderland at 1-0 on 21 min – Finished: 1-2 – FAILED!
Howard – called Shrewsbury Town v Barnet at 3-0 on 60 min – Finished: 3-0 – FAILED!
Chris – called Braintree Town v Eastbourne Borough at 3-0 on 22 min – Finished: 7-0 – SUCCESSFULLY GUBBED (A Wham, in fact)!!
The Dread Hand of Barney
Was pleased to see that attractive young fellow Mr Trump win the US election as politics shouldn’t be left to women. It hopes the new President will indeed make America great again, back to a time when men were men, women were women and children had polio. This good mood was enhanced when neither Fleetwood’s Ashley Hunter, Lincoln’s Matt Rhead or Walsall’s Erhun Ozhumer (“the Turkish Messi”) scored.
Gillingham’s Frank Nouble scored twice against Brackley Town to save them from an embarrassing defeat against lower league opposition. [EDIT: as a late zinger entry – “it’s a Nouble effort from Frank”. What do you mean, “No” ?]
Drama(rama) in the first round ofthe FA Cup tie between Whitehawk and Stourbridge (bet they were thrilled to be drawn against each other rather than a glamourous home tie v Rochdale). Local Boy Javier Fevarel hit a screamer (“left foot…CRACK!” ?) for the home team around two seconds after referee blows the final whistle. Consternation ensues, interrupted only by referee dishing out a straight red to Whitehawk’s veteran goalie Ross Flitney for an exquisite outburst of foul language that you usually only get from one of Barney’s favourite unpleasant comedians. Or Wayne Rooney, who is probably funnier.
As is always the case in the first round of the FA Cup, there were some heartening tales of plucky part-timers getting gubbed (Merstham 0-5 Oxford United) and Mullahed (Northampton Town 6-0 Harrow Borough) in true Darwinesque fashion, plus Chris’ choice for the Stealth Gub – Braintree Town, who as you’ve already read, whammed Eastbourne Borough, 7-0.
[EDIT Alas, Braintree’s impressive efforts count for naught as we are directed to the far North of Scotland, where Rothes 0-9 Wick Academy is a full-time score, it’s a dry Wyngarde in deepest Morayshire and that’s got to sting a bit.]
This week’s sponsor is not an actual sponsor as such, as whilst an anonymous donor is paying for Save The Children to be emblazoned on the front of Heart Of Midlothian’s home shirts, the Jam Tarts (no really) don’t appear to have an away shirt backer. This is because their away shirts for the 2016/17 are bloody awful. Supporting evidence below:
Andrew Davies (Ross County)
Billy Paynter (Hartlepool United)
Ched Evans (Chesterfield)
Jamie Murphy (Brighton and Hove Albion)
John-Joe O’Toole (Northampton Town)
Jordan Slew (Plymouth Argyle)
Lyle Taylor (AFC Wimbledon on loan from Scunthorpe United)
Matt Phillips (West Bromwich Albion)
Otis Khan (Yeovil Town)
Ryan Flynn (Oldham Athletic)
Sam Vokes (Burnley)
Seamus Conneely (Accrington Stanley) o.g.