Season 4 Game 21 (18-21 Nov)

THE ‘Math with Girls Aloud, Nothing Else Matters’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the weekend birthdays of our very own Mathew Morrison (age withheld), Kimberley “…who?” Walsh (34) and Metallica’s Kirk Hammett (54).


‘Steven Davies – right on cue for Rochdale’
Chris: ‘Scoring goals for Stenhousemuir is right up Roy’s Ally’ {Alistair ‘Ally’ Roy}
Howard: ‘Albion’s Andy Ryan makes it Bravo Two-Zero (on the score actually being 2-0)

The Dread Hand Of BarneyThe Dread Hand of Barney
Was out shopping in Waitrose (It’s the only place they sell Military Pickle and Camp Coffee these days) and bumped into its fellow denizen of the dark side, Cthulhu. They had a nice chat and passed the time on, oblivious to the fact their trolleys were blocking the aisle until Cthulhu had to say ta-ta, due to Doctors being on in half an hour. Clearly time caught up with the Hand too, as both Padraig Amond of Hartlepool United and Doncaster Rovers’ John Marquis both defied the magick, leaving Arbroath’s Martin Scott as the sole non-scorer.

DON'T CALL ME SHIRLEYDon’t Call Me Shirley
Best available was Nottingham Forest’s Britt Assombalonga, who scored twice in Saturday’s late game in the Championship.

Day Trip To BrightonDay Trip To Brighton
Nothing doing here, perhaps they were doing some early Christmas shopping for a nice new set of curtains and a better stereotype.

Tony Craig's Oyster CardTony Craig’s Oyster Card
Not the easiest of categories but we’ve got a winner this week in the shape of Boreham Wood’s midfielder Kenny Davis, late of Braintree Town and Grays Athletic, who keeps it local (like Thomson’s).

Local Boy Makes GoodLocal Boy Makes Good
We had quite a few goalscorers who fitted the bill, but we’ll go with Woking’s Fabio Saraiva with an honourable mention to Arbroath’s Omar Kader.

Where's Russell Martin?Where’s Russell Martin?
The actual result was 3-2 but when the Carlisle United v Exeter City match is settled with a 93rd minute home goal, the Grecians fanbase will surely wonder aloud if the epic round trip (12hrs 40 mins approx) is worth it.

Stealth GubStealth Gub
– called Derby County v Rotherham United at 2-0 on 21 min – Finished: 3-0 – FAILED!
– called AFC Wimbledon v Bury at 3-0 on 30 min – Finished: 5-1 – FAILED!
– called Sheffield United v Shrewsbury Town at 2-0 on 26 min {wishful thinking?} – Finished: 2-1 – FAILED!


Alloa Athletic’s player-boss Jim Goodwin led by example at the weekend, notching up the revered own goal/red card double whammy.

Southampton 0-0 Liverpool and two shots on target in 90 mins. That’s why the Premiership is the best league in the world, say all those apart from the 31,848 attendees and those foolish viewers who fund Murdoch’s totalitarian regime .

You’d have thought the FA Cup would be sweet relief to Bury after their plummet down the league table. Bury were second in September, before captain and centre back Nathan Cameron’s season-ending injury. Twelve win-less games later, and facing AFC Wimbledon mid-week, they’re gubbed 5-0 and boss David Flitcroft became an ex-boss. There was a chance for quick revenge as they faced the Dons on Saturday amid calls to ‘win this for the former gaffer’. Final score? AFC Wimbledon 5 Bury 1. Oops.

This week’s sponsors are the Aspect Group, who back Concord Rangers of the National League South. The company specialise in asbestos removal (where it’s actually removed to no-one knows, Stoke-on-Trent, maybe) just don’t ask why so many fans in the away end start coughing 60 minutes into a game, must be all that sea air coming in from Canvey Island

The Results

FiveChris Maguire (Oxford United)
Connor Wickham (Crystal Palace)
Marcus Tudgay (Coventry City)
Michail Antonio (West Ham United)
Steven MacLean (St Johnstone)

NineBritt Assombalonga (Nottingham Forest) x2
Chris Whelpdale (AFC Wimbledon)
Conor Washington (Queen’s Park Rangers)
Danny Swanson (St Johnstone on loan from Coventry City)
Dwight Gayle (Newcastle United) x2
Nicky Ajose (Charlton Athletic)
Reuben Reid (Exeter City)

FiveDarren Bent (Derby County)
Jay McEveley (Ross County)
Marcus Tudgay (Coventry City)
Michael Smith (Portsmouth)
Paul Hayes (Wycombe Wanderers)

OneJay Emmanuel-Thomas (Gillingham on loan from Queen’s Park Rangers)

SevenChe Adams (Birmingham City)
Dominic Poleon (AFC Wimbledon)
Jay McEveley (Ross County)
Matt Phillips (West Bromwich Albion)
Shaun Miller (Carlisle United)
Steve Davies (Rochdale) x2