Season 4 Game 30 (2-4 Jan 2017)

THE ‘Ebenezer Goode, Show Me The Money and Get Lucky’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the weekend birthdays of The Shamen’s Mr C (49), Cuba Gooding Jr (49; also Mr C) and Daft Punk’s Thomas Bangalter (42; Mr T) had an extra day’s celebration over the new year. Mr C’s real name by the way is Richard West, who I feel looks like an evil Judge Rinder (seems not only I am thinking this – LINK).

THE CATEGORIES

ZingerZinger
Barney:
‘Exeter’s Harley is streets ahead of Leyton Orient’
Chris: [No Comment-well, none recorded by Barney anyway!]
Howard: ‘Lewis Dunk scores for Brighton – that takes the biscuit’

The Dread Hand Of BarneyThe Dread Hand of Barney
Accidentally saw the New Year in with some style, after having a senior moment and getting the recipe for brimstone all wrong. The resulting explosions and cordite in the air were passed off to the alarmed neighbours as a seasonal firework display. Friendly relations were maintained with next door via an invitation to a quiet get-together sometime. This unexpected occurrence did not prevent the sentient being continuing its recent run of fine form, as Cardiff City’s Peter Whittingham, Wycombe Wanderers’ Scott Kashket and Fulham’s Stefan Johansen all failed to find the net, the latter missing a penalty in the process.

Day Trip To BrightonDay Trip To Brighton
Cancelled due to the Southern Rail dispute. Rail replacement buses have been provided.

Tony Craig's Oyster CardTony Craig’s Oyster Card
It’s a no-no here, though Sheffield United’s Kieron Freeman (Nottingham Forest, Mansfield Town, Notts County, Derby County, Notts County, Sheffield United) looked good until the Portsmouth loan spell earlier in the season. Always one there to spoil it.

Fresh HellFresh Hell
Can it really be as far back as April 2015 when Carlisle United’s Keith Curle suggested he ‘Didn’t have enough players with male genitalia’ [not even in the women’s side?] to field a competitive team? It surely was, and his rant certainly did the trick as the Cumbrians rallied in their last few games and comfortably avoided relegation. This season has seen Carlisle regularly in the top 3 in Division 2, though losing their unbeaten home record to recently promoted Grimsby may have led to a verbal, rather than physical, emasculation by Curle.

Are You My Fag?Are You My Fag?
Wycombe Wanderers’ winger Paris Cowan-Hall’s goal certainly qualifies him for inclusion, though The Paris Cowan Hall may be also be where the head boys mass to sing the house song of whatever Public School they’re incarcerated in. [I feel the urge to shout “Socialist Work-ahh!” at this point…]

Darwinism In ActionDarwinism In Action
It’s that time of the year when the wheat is sorted from the chaff and teams eye up The Travel Pages with some degree of suspicion. Rotherham United are one such team who may find themselves amongst the boating holidays section of the local rag in a couple of months and that 3-0 loss at Leeds United won’t have helped matters.

Stealth GubStealth Gub
Barney
– called Cambridge United v Notts County at 3-0 on 60 min – Finished: 4-0 – FAILED!
Howard
– called Charlton Athletic v Bristol Rovers at 4-1 on 71 min – Finished: 4-1 – FAILED!
Chris
– ‘Elsewhere’ – FAILED!

Miscellany

Mike Phelan’s swan song as Hull City (NOT Hull Tigers) boss gets a double mention in despatches. His Reverse Churchill team talk when 0-1 up versus West Brom oversaw a second half meltdown and a 3-1 verdict. Phelan’s subsequent ‘Pretty boys not doing the basics’ rant is thought to have lost the players in a similar fashion to recent performances losing the board’s support and he was spared managing the team against The Blades next year.

El Barno’s regular anti-Premiership rant [this will change when Peterborough United get into the top division!] received another rendition to an audience of bored ears when Middlesbrough’s goalless draw with Leicester City contained a grand total of three shots on target.

This week’s sponsor? That would be the backers of Accrington Stanley{“Who are they?”}, who are The Plastic Box Shop – guess what they sell? Their website suggest you buy your offspring some boxes for Christmas – imagine the thrill on their faces on the morning of 25 December when your children tear open the wrapping paper and open the box to realise the box is their actual present, initiating a long-standing family schism between parent and progeny that, this being Accrington, only The Jeremy Kyle Show can solve.

The Results

sheffield-wednesday-box
TwoChris Brunt (West Bromwich Albion)
Marcus Tudgay (Coventry City)


OneChristian Burgess (Portsmouth)

charlton02
ThreeMarcus Tudgay (Coventry City)
Yann Kermorgant (Reading) x2

Arsenal
FourGael Clichy (Manchester City)
Kyle Bartley (Leeds United on loan from Swansea City)
Mark Randall (Newport County)
Nico Yennaris (Brentford)


TwoKyle Bartley (Leeds United on loan from Swansea City)
Lyle Taylor (AFC Wimbledon on loan from Scunthorpe United)

OVERALL RESULT: DEAR JIM (AKA BARN) – PLEASE CAN YOU FIX IT FOR ME TO WIN THIS WEEKS H.I.H. BY MESSING AROUND WITH THE PLAYING DATES. YOU CAN? CHEERS!