Season 4 Game 42 (3-6 Mar)

THE ‘Jonathan Creek’s Embarassing Ting Ting’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the weekend birthdays of Alan Davies (52), Embarassing Bodies’ Dr Christian Jessen (40) and Katie White (34).


[a bumper edition to make up for the previous blanks…]
‘{Stuart} Sinclair makes it 2-0, can Bristol Rovers fans C5 on the horizon’
Chris: ‘Killie Fans “Boyd” by Kris’ [and] ‘Jazz {Richards} hands victory to QPR with that own goal’
Howard: ‘Nicky Clark cuts in to score’ [and] ‘Sutton United’s [Roarie] Deacon makes cardinal error for red card’
[How did these not get lost ?]

The Dread Hand Of BarneyThe Dread Hand of Barney
Is still feeling quite energetic despite the lengthening days and has thrown itself into a fundraising initiative regarding the local place of worship. It remains to be seen if ‘Visceral Enemies of St Vincent’s Church’ will be a successful endeavour but you can’t fault the effort. Perhaps distracted by the above duties, the being allowed Rangers’ Martyn Waghorn to score but ensured a barren day for Brighton & Hove Albion’s Sam Baldock and Wycombe Wanderers’ Adebayo Akinfenwa.

Make Ya Ma ProudMake Ya Ma Proud
Newport County’s Graham Westley enjoyed his 49th birthday on Saturday by watching his Ironsides outfit given an 0-4 ‘good seeing to’ at home by fellow basement dwellers Leyton Orient. A belated birthday present was proffered by the board, who sacked him on the 8th March with local journalists stating he’d lost the dressing room after blaming the players and board for bad results. Like he did at Preston. And Peterborough [EDIT: so you can see the reason for Barney’s bitterness]. Westley’s column for the Football League Paper stated how relieved he was to be out of a job. Excellently, the board let it be known they shared these sentiments.

Day Trip To BrightonDay Trip To Brighton
Nothing to repot here, which would please Mike “Fifty” Pence, though you could argue the above Reverse Churchill indicated Brighton had shafted themselves…

Reverse ChurchillReverse Churchill
Not much has gone wrong for Chris Hughton at Brighton & Hove Albion, and the ex-Spurs man (boooo) has won many plaudits for his management abilities in keeping the Seagulls in the top two on a budget which is dwarfed by rivals Newcastle United. Nevertheless, that half-time team talk at 0-0 against an underperforming Nottingham Forest, which resulted in a 3-0 reverse, was not one he’d care to remember in a hurry.

Claridge ClockClaridge Clock
It can only be Plymouth Argyle’s Jake Jervis, with 12 clubs at the grand old age of 27.

Born into BurberryBorn In Burberry
Sammie Szmodics at Colchester United, Paris Cowan-Hall at Wycombe Wanderers, Jazz Richards at Fulham. Not only did these players score at the weekend, they could also be supporting Fazer on tour.

Stealth GubStealth Gub
– called Stenhousemuir v Peterhead at 2-0 on 43 min – Finished: 3-1 – FAILED!
– called Newport 0-4 Leyton Orient at 0-3 on 45 min – Finished – FAILED!
– called a Tactical Gub – Rochdale v Sheffield United at 0-2 on 12 min – Finished: 3-3 – FAILED! (…OR DID IT?)


Maybe reeling from the unexpectedly high quality of the above Zingers, your scribe merely noted a couple of ‘Local Boy Makes Good’ types in Annan’s Rabin Omar and Queen’s Park’s Dario Zanetti.

We’ll be winding down the odd sponsors category very soon due to (a) running out of said odd sponsors and (b) a good proportion of the teams I haven’t mentioned are sponsored by bookies/gambling conglomerates who back multiple teams. But it would be remiss not to mention Peterborough United’s backers who are ‘The name for aggregates and waste management throughout East Anglia’ The Mick George Group, whose commitment to the Posh is so unshakeable they also sponsor Cambridge United.

How there’s any synergy between a football club and a concrete supplier/specialist truck hire company has baffled me [EDIT: Do the defenders move like they are running through concrete??], but the solution arrived when reading the corporate website, which reveals they also operate a ‘MuckAway’ service, which covers up to the East Midlands. The [EDIT: LOAN!] transfers of Shaquille Coulthirst and Hayden White to Mansfield Town now make a whole lot more sense, one wonders if Michael Smith can MuckAway to Notts County?

The Results

FiveBen Marshall (Wolverhampton Wanderers)
Chris Eagles (Port Vale)
Daryl Murphy (Newcastle United)
Gary Madine (Bolton Wanderers)
Vadaine Oliver (York City)

ThreeDwight Gayle (Newcastle United)
Erhun Oztumer (Walsall)
Nathaniel Mendez-Laing (Rochdale)

EightChris Eagles (Port Vale)
Joe Pigott (Maidstone United on loan from Cambridge United)
Martyn Waghorn (Rangers)
Michael Smith (Northampton Town on loan from Portsmouth)- counting double against his old club
Morgan Fox (Sheffield Wednesday)
Scott Sinclair (Celtic)
Yann Kermorgant (Reading)

OneNico Yennaris (Brentford)

FiveJohn-Joe O’Toole (Northampton Town)
Nathaniel Mendez-Laing (Rochdale) – counting double against his old club
Steve Davies (Rochdale) – counting double against his old club