Season 4 Game 44 (17-20 Mar)

THE ‘Runaway to Hartlepool with Phil Mitchell’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the weekend birthdays of Caroline Corr (44), Our Lord Jeff ‘Wiggy’ Stelling (61) and Steve MacFadden (58, you cahhhhw)


‘Paddy “Maddens” Oxford with Scunny’s opener’
Chris: ‘Paddy Power-s one in for Scunny’
Howard: ‘Clint makes Rangers’ day’ or ‘Southend’s Nile Rodgers Walsall’

The Dread Hand Of BarneyThe Dread Hand of Barney
Is off on holiday for a couple of weeks, to its’ second home. The hand was fairly coy when it came to details of its abode, the neighbours only know ‘It’s rather hotter there than here, especially at this time of the year’ (so that rules out Clacton-on-sea, which always seemed like hell on earth). It got a fine send-off, as none of Gillingham’s Josh Wright, Bournemouth’s Josh King or Ipswich Town’s Tom ‘Josh’ Lawrence netted over the weekend.

And stay out!…And Stay Out!
Graham Carey (Celtic-Huddersfield Town-Inverness Caledonian Thistle-Plymouth Argyle) is the clear winner, ousting regular Greg Tansey (Stockport-Inverness Caledonian Thistle-Stevenage-Inverness Caledonian Thistle)

Local Boy Makes GoodLocal Boy Makes Good
Barrow’s goalscorer Moussa Diarra, born in Trappes, France makes sense here. He is sponsored by The Protein King. Yes he is. (LINK) – Note – the floating apostophe on their website – “giveaway’s”. Giveaway’s what?

Are You My Fag?Are You My Fag?
Lots of scourgings being administered to some scholarship boys by Nathaniel Mendez-Laing at Rochdale , Omari Sterling-James at Solihull Moors, Paris Cowan-Hall at Wycombe Wanderers, and looking on, Dominic Calvert-Lewin at Everton.

Where's Russell Martin?Where’s Russell Martin?
Rochdale 4-1 Gillingham, a 502 mile round trip (approx 9 hours) that the intrepid Gills fans won’t ever get back.

Stealth GubStealth Gub
– called West Ham United City v Leicester City at 0-2 on 9 min – Finished: 2-3 – FAILED!
– called Stevenage v Portsmouth at 2-0 on 45 min – Finished: 3-0 – FAILED!
– called Queens Park Rangers v Rotherham United at 3-1 on 50 min – Finished: 5-1 – FAILED!

Paul RobinsonAn Evening With Paul Robinson
Fleetwood Town v AFC Wimbledon. 0-0 (naturally). 3 shots on target. At least the fish and chips should be decent [and the stadium has a decent name, of course].


Not too much to report, but a very fine Make Ya Ma Proud goes to Stenhousemuir’s David Marsh who, as well as being an earlier ZINGER victim of Mr C Smith for his red card three weeks back, collected a straight red on his return from suspension.

Also scoring this week was Solihull Moors defender Nortei Nortey. When we stop laughing, we find that in his 2 seasons as a professional, he has only been booked 3 times and never sent off. So not that Nortey. Where’s John Parr when you need him?!

The Results

FourAiden McGeady (Preston North End on loan from Everton)
Benik Afobe (Bournemouth)
Joe Bennett (Cardiff City on loan from Aston Villa)
Nile Ranger (Southend United)

SixJames Chester (Aston Villa)
Joe Newell (Rotherham United)
Lee Tomlin (Bristol City)
Nathaniel Mendez-Laing (Rochdale)
Nicky Ajose (Swindon Town on loan from Charlton Athletic)
Tommy Rowe (Doncaster Rovers)

SevenFranck Moussa (Walsall) x2
Martyn Waghorn (Rangers)
Marvin Sordell (Burton Albion) x2
Michael Smith (Northampton Town on loan from Portsmouth)
Yann Kermorgant (Reading)

TwoBenik Afobe (Bournemouth)
Luke Freeman (Queen’s Park Rangers)

SixChristian Nade (Dumbarton)
Conor Sammon (Kilmarnock on loan from Heart of Midlothian)
David Cotterill (Bristol City on loan from Birmingham City)
Dominic Calvert-Lewin (Everton)
Gary Cahill (Chelsea)
Nathaniel Mendez-Laing (Rochdale)