Season 8 Game 14 (18-21 Dec)

THE ‘I Knocked Up a Bad Man at My Best Friend’s Wedding’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE
So named because of the weekend birthdays of Jonah Hill (37), Billie Eilish (19) and Rachel Phillips (52) over the weekend.

Barney: ‘That Mighten be the equaliser for Forest’ [Alex Cole Mighten]
Chris: ‘There’s one chance for Aneke he didn’t Chuks away’
Howard: ‘Fontaine has scored for Dundee – “Just”‘ [that’s a zinger…just. Actually, Liam.]

Has been rather busy checking all her colleagues have received Christmas cards ‘Let’s see Hecate in the Underworld – check, Yachar, the floor below – check, Tantalus at the lake – check, Sean Dyche at Burnley- che…oh curses, there’s always one’

And so it proved with the goalscorers it had targeted. The ‘one’ in this case being Max Watters at Crawley who did score whilst neither Sam Surridge at Bournemouth or Cauley Woodrow at Barnsley could.

Brian Reid, Albion Rovers manager gave a half-time talk for the ages to his squad with the scores goal-less at half-time. Perhaps the away team were still pondering the quality of his rhetoric throughout the second half as the game ended 4-0 to the home team, Stranraer. The South-Westernly Scottish outfit were Reid’s former employers, which I guess could make for an It Don’t Mean Nuthin’ and probably should’ve gone in the Miscellaneous section, but there you go.

Late news: Mr Reid may be usurped at the winner as Eastleigh’s Ben Strevens saw his team go 3-0 up away to Wealdstone in the FA Trophy. His inspirational words during the break saw Wealdstone to a 4-3 success…

We have a winner, ye gods! Ben Whiteman (Sheffield United-Mansfield Town-Doncaster Rovers). All within 30 miles! Miracles do happen around Christmas.

The prolific David Goodwillie at Clyde (can’t imagine why he’s not joined a bigger club…) should really be buying shares in this. He’s joined here by Port Vale’s Tom Pope, who’s known to get a ‘bit punchy’ at inappropriate times.

We don’t normally dig this deep for a category but Fort William’s history of mediocrity is well known enough to attract national media. Such attention has made for a mild improvement in form but their overall record is still so evidentially wretched that a 0-10 home reverse to Brora Rangers easily qualifies here.

That we’re highlighting the above Dry Wyngarde indicates there wasn’t much else to go on, as I’m not sure if Crystal Palace 0-7 Liverpool makes the grade as Palace were 9th before that Mullahing. Welwyn Garden City 1-5 Aldershot Town in the FA Trophy saw the away team wallop a club two divisions below them so maybe that’s one to note too.

Zak Dearnley at Oldham Athletic and Harrison Biggins at Barrow (“Law Firm”) for starters plus Taylor Richards at Doncaster Rovers. And it’s further down than we normally look but there’s also Roarie Deacon at Havant & Waterlooville in National League South. Quite honestly there were a veritable smorgasbord of players to choose from with names akin to those who follow the (what our Irish correspondent reports) way of the ‘Skanger’ [untranslatable on Google].

Again we have a late winner [if we count teams in the Isthmian League(!) and National League South], and so did Haringey Borough in their upset win over Dartford in the FA Trophy with one of our favourites from yesteryear Bobson Bawling, scoring in the 91st minute to defeat the Darts.


Barney – called Edinburgh City v Stirling at 0-3 on 41min – Finished: 2-3 – FAILED!
– called Brenford v Reading at 3-0 on 36 min – Finished: 3-1 – FAILED! And a SUCCESSFUL! Stealth Wyngarde at Fort William v Brora Rangers, with the score at 0-5 at the interval (finished 0-10).
– called Birmingham City v Middlesborough called at 1-3 on 57min – Finished: 1-4 – FAILED!

Slimmer than normal for a number of reasons. Let’s blame Brexit.

George Saville (now then, now then) scored again for Middlesborough. That’s one for the Old School and Stuart Ripley, along with Ian Baird were happy to join in with the midfielders celebrations at Ayresome Park.

Morecambe’s Yann Songo’o is quite the traveller, having completed stints in Spain before moving to the MLS, joining Kansas City before moving up in the world with clubs such as Blackburn Rovers, Plymouth Argyle and Scunthorpe United. Appropriate that he should be playing for a club whose ground is currently titled the Globe Arena. It’s Songo’o’s birthplace of Yaounde, Cameroon’s capital city which clearly indicates he’s a Local Boy Makes Good.

Grimsby Town v Scunthorpe United. That would be a most Unpleasant Local Derby.

Stevie May (St Johnstone)

Britt Assombalonga (Middlesbrough)
Danny Andrew (Fleetwood Town)
Jonathan Obika (St Mirren)
Luke James (Barrow)
Omar Bogle (Charlton Athletic)
Tom Conlon (Port Vale)


charlton02Conor McAleny (Oldham Athletic)
Jonathan Obika (St Mirren)
Josh Magennis (Hull City) o.g.


Chuks Aneke (Charlton Athletic)
Danny Welbeck (Brighton and Hove Albion)


Ben Whiteman (Doncaster Rovers)
James Wilson (Salford City)



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