THE TWERK-IT EMMA COLE or SLEEPLESS IN S.E.12* HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE (*delete as appropriate)

So named because of the birthdays of twerker (now there’s a claim to fame) Miley Cyrus (21) and Meg Ryan (52!) BUT ALSO our Charlton correspondents Mat (31?) and Emma (21?)…

THE CATEGORIES

None this week to speak of. Clearly we were all short of inspiration….

Hull v Crystal Palace (4 shots on goal in total, NONE in the first half) – The signs were not good from the start – Hull – 13 goals in 15 games in all competitions. Palace had managed just 8 in 13. Having flop Marouane Chamakh in one of the teams was probably the final straw. Last on Match of the Day for a very good reason.

And if you thought that was impressive, what about the League Two bore-draw between Cheltenham Town and Newport County. Just TWO (count ’em!) shots on goal in the entire game. And they have the cheek to charge £21 (standard charge) or £23 for a Premium Game. Let’s hope it wasn’t a Premium Game…

Loic Remy (Newcastle United) – SCORED!
Ross McCormack (Leeds United) – SCORED!
Matt Jarvis (York City) – FAILED!

I think this is the one that clinched it, and maybe also proved the existence of ESP…
[Barney]: “Kevin Friend’s not Sunderland’s buddy!”
– and, seconds later –
[Jeff ‘Wiggy’ Stelling]: “Kevin, no Friend of Sunderland’s!”

FAILED! Where’s someone to stir up trouble on the pitch when you need them…oh, Robbie Savage retired didn’t he…

Antoni Sarcevic (despite the exotic name, he is English) of Chester FC and Armand Gnanduillet (the Ivory Coast striker currently playing for…Chesterfield!?!)

Greenock Morton 1 – 5 Livingston: the last-placed team got a good seeing-to from 6th-placed Livingston. I think it about qualifies.

As does 5th place Peterhead’s gubbing of stone-last Queen’s Park in Scottish League Two.

BOTH FAILURES:
Barney called Oxford United v Morecambe at 3-0 on 30mins. It ended 3-0
Howard called Swindon Town v all-conquering Leyton Orient at 1-3. It ended 1-3. I sense a pattern here…

Miscellany

Continuing the theme of actors having second jobs as footballers, it would appear that Queen’s Park Rangers have a goalkeeper by the name of Brian Murphy

Edgar Davids, despite dropping down to non-league still retains a little bit of showbiz ego from the glamour days of Inter, Barcelona et al. Squad number: ONE. Yes Edgar, you’re still Number One….hmm… okayyyy….

The Results

David McGoldrick (Ipswich Town), Ryan Lowe x3 (Tranmere Rovers)

Adam Clayton (Huddersfield Town), Andrew Crofts (Brighton & Hove Albion), Reuben Reid (Plymouth Argyle),
Chris Westwood (Alfreton Town)

Scott Parker (Fulham), Jonjo Shelvey (Swansea City), Ricardo Fuller (Blackpool), Kyel Reid (Bradford City), David Mooney (Leyton Orient), Simon Walton (Hartlepool United)