Season 5 Game 40 (9-12 Mar)

THIS IS THE START OF A NEW AND EXCITING POST!

THE ‘Mad Men’s fighting talk next to me’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the weekend birthdays of Jon Hamm (47), Colin Murray (41) and Emeli Sande (30).

THE CATEGORIES

Zinger
Barney:
Nothing!
Chris: Nothing!
Howard: “[Adam] Armstrong scores for Blackburn. They won’t go away Pointless”

The Dread Hand Of BarneyThe Dread Hand of Barney
Mitch Pinnock at Dover Athletic (GAME POSTPONED), Ellis Harrison at Bristol Rovers (DIDN’T SCORE!) and Collins at Luton Town (DIDN’T SCORE!). All good for the Dark Side…

Tony Craig's Oyster CardTony Craig’s Oyster Card
Nope, but Tony Craig’s spoiled it anyway by emigrating to Bristol [Rovers]. Kenny Davis’ Oyster perhaps? Karl Oyston’s Oyster??

Darwinism In ActionDarwinism In Action
That would be Blackburn Rovers (1st) 3-0 Blackpool (17th).

UNPLEASANT LOCAL DERBYUnpleasant Local Derby
Aston Villa v Wolverhampton Wanderers takes precedence because Birmingham is well, Birmingham. Also Bury v Oldham Athletic is another possible winner [Bury Oldham is a decent suggestion though].

Stealth GubStealth Gub
Barney
– [Didn’t call anything] – FAILED!
Howard
– called Newcastle United v Southampton at 3-0 on 65 min – Finished: 4-0?? – FAILED! (and “RESIGN!”)
Chris
– called Middlesbrough v Barnsley at 3-0 on 65 min – Finished: 3-1 – FAILED!

Miscellany

It will probably graduate to the proper categories next season, but currently “Is It Cup Week?” is going here. Either Swindon Town v Cheltenham Town or Portsmouth v Gillingham would go into it.

Not a Category this week, but Fresh Hell award goes to Preston’s Alex Neil, who looks like this and oversaw his team concede the winner with the penultimate kick of the game.

Honourable mention to Newport County’s Mike Flynn: ‘That’s been a long time coming, we should’ve won our last two games, we could’ve tried to shut the game down but we didn’t’ – and this after a 2-0 away WIN v Yeovil Town…

Then there was Gateshead 7-1 Maidenhead United. Thats a 578 driving miles, 11 hr 42 mins round trip – maybe the away fans should’ve used their ‘head’ and walked at half-time.

Meanwhile, AFC Fylde achieved a similar result with only 10 men against hapless Aldershot Town (how bad must they be?!). Striker Danny Rowe had what you might call an “eventful” game, scoring a hat trick, then getting himself sent off. After enduring all that lot, it was only a 511-mile round trip for Aldershot’s hardy away faithful.

Finally, we discovered an umimpeachable ROCK!!! connection with Edinburgh City. Their current manager James MacDonaugh ialso holds down a role as bass guitarist in Megadeth.

The Results

Blank! (Rumours are that Chris has the ex-Wednesday players locked away in a van somewhere outside Retford)


George Boyd (Sheffield Wednesday)
James Chester (Aston Villa)
Jonson Clarke-Harris (Coventry City on loan from Rotherham United)
Josh McQuoid (Aldershot Town)
Luke James (Barrow on loan from Forest Green Rovers)
Michael Bostwick (Lincoln City)
Nathaniel Mendez-Laing (Cardiff City)

charlton02
Lee Martin (Gillingham) x2
Paul Hayes (Newport County)

Arsenal
Abu Ogogo (Shrewsbury Town)
Josh Rees (Bromley)


Craig Beattie (Edinburgh City)
Jay O’Shea (Bury)
Lee Martin (Gillingham) x2
Lyle Taylor (AFC Wimbledon)
Nathaniel Mendez-Laing (Cardiff City)

OVERALL RESULT: A NARROW WIN FOR THE POSH!

Season 4 Game 43 (10-13 Mar)

THE ‘Kryten’s In For The Kill, Like A Mad Man’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the weekend birthdays of Red Dwarf’s Robert Llewellyn (60), La Roux (29), and Jon Hamm (46)

THE CATEGORIES

ZingerZinger
Barney:
‘Hull City’s target man kicks Swansea in the {Oumar} Niasse’
Chris: *PASS!*
Howard: ‘Yeovil Town’s {Bevis} Mugabi is dictating the game’

The Dread Hand Of BarneyThe Dread Hand of Barney
Was said to be ‘unimpressed’ after finally catching a glimpse of The Walking Dead, stating the zombies ‘look nothing like real zombies, but this could be solved with a few shiny pennies in my pocket and a call to the fella below’. Its mood was improved by blanking Burnley’s Andre Gray, Bury’s James Vaughan and Blackpool’s Brad Potts.

DON'T CALL ME SHIRLEYDon’t Call Me Shirley
Alex Jones at Bradford City [shouldn’t she/he be doing The One Show??] or Dagenham & Redbridge’s Jordan Maguire-Drew  amply qualify here.

Pagga!Pagga!
A few flashpoints Jason, but no mutual reds I fear.

Known To The AuthoritiesKnown To The Authorities
Edinburgh City’s Derek Riordan. There’s been a few, your honour. Largely involving the words ‘bar’ ‘nightclub’ and ‘assault’. Clearly why he’s down at lowly Edinburgh and not Rangers or Celtic.

Fresh HellFresh Hell
Scunthorpe United’s Graham Alexander saw his charges lose 3-2 to Gillingham via 3 penalties awarded to the home team. Correctness of choice for category confirmed with subsequent charge of Foul and Abusive language toward Officials. Accepted.

Stealth GubStealth Gub
Barney
– called Solihull Moors v Braintree Town at 0-3 on 26 min – Finished: 3-3 – FAILED!
Howard
– called Dumbarton v Raith Rovers at 3-0 on 47 min – Finished: 4-0 – FAILED!
Chris
– called Stevenage v Bolton Wanderers at 1-2 on 45 min – Finished: 2-4 – FAILED!

Youre not a kid anymoreYou’re Not A Kid Anymore
Matty Pearson at Accrington Stanley is 26 and far too old for all that childish naming nonsense.

Miscellany

Sadly this is as blank as the average Big Brother contestant…

The Results

sheffield-wednesday-box
FourChris Eagles (Port Vale)
Daryl Murphy (Newcastle United)
Mark Beevers (Bolton Wanderers)
Michail Antonio (West Ham United)


FourHarry Toffolo (Scunthorpe United on loan from Norwich City)
Kieran Agard (Milton Keynes Dons)
Nathaniel Mendez-Laing (Rochdale)
Nicky Ajose (Swindon Town on loan from Charlton Athletic)

charlton02
EightBradley Goldberg (Bromley)
Chris Eagles (Port Vale)
Conor McAleny (Oxford United on loan from Everton)
Jamal Campbell-Ryce (Barnet)
Josh Wright (Gillingham) x3
Nicky Bailey (Sutton United)

Arsenal
TwoJordan Wynter (Bromley)
Rhys Murphy (Crawley Town on loan from Forest Green Rovers)


SixAndy Butler (Doncaster Rovers)
Conor Sammon (Kilmarnock on loan from Heart of Midlothian)
Jamal Campbell-Ryce (Barnet)
Michael Doyle (Portsmouth)
Nathaniel Mendez-Laing (Rochdale)
Steve Davies (Rochdale)

OVERALL RESULT: NEVER IN DOUBT – ANOTHER WIN FOR CHARLTON KEEPS THE TITLE RACE OPEN (ISH)!