Season 7 Game 20 (29 November – 2 Dec)

THE ‘Maneater and Womaniser Riot’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the weekend birthdays of Nelly Furtado (41), Britney Spears (38), and Riz Khan (38).

Barney: “[Greg] Draper made it 6-0 to TNS. That’s curtains for Airbus UK.” or “[Tom]Pope hat-trick – is that the holy trinity?”
Chris: “Kevin Nisbet at Dunfermline has 4 today. One-man Gub on the cards? I wouldn’t ‘Nisbet’ against it…” OR re: Keane Lewis-Potter “Barnsley are not ‘Keane’ on Lewis-Potter”
Howard: Glass sent off for Cove Rangers – his glass is half empty” OR “Josh Smile at Maidenhead – gets a red card and sees his team subside from 0-0 to 0-4…He’s not Smile-ing now”

This week’s sacrifices are Eoin Doyle at Swindon Town, Jamie Reid at Torquay United and Christian Doidge at Hibernian.
And our survey says NO [Swindon played on the 23rd and 7th December but not this week!!], NO and oh…er…YES [he will now be looking over his shoulder and hearing every creak of the floorboards….]

A nigh-on impossible category –  nothing this week, sadly, despite a trawl through various match reports.

Poor old Winnie – pressed into action two weeks in a row. Oh well, here goes…

What about Wigan Athletic v Reading? Wigan ahead at the break by a goal to nil.  “Ok lads, just keep doing what you’re doing” – is what manager Paul Cook clearly did not say. Cue a second half hat trick from Reading’s George Puscas and er…. er…well, at least the pies are nice.

Another impossible mission. To get anywhere on this one I would have had to “stay a while…..stayyyyyyyy foreverrrrrrrrr”. That quip will be of course, wasted on millennials. Google Impossible Mission, play it on emulator or even better, on original hardware. Yes, I am covering up the fact that this one is a blank. Problem? For my money this is the one that should go to make up for our upcoming category that still has no name – may I suggest “1 Good 1 Bad” for someone scoring then getting sent off in the same game? It’s better than CWAN (Category Without A Name).

Two results here: Stephen Dobbie of Queen of the South has had 12 clubs, but he is 37, the poor old devil. That would seem to leave the winner as Freddie Ladapo of Rotherham United – 16 clubs at just 26.

Barney – called Dunfermline Athletic v Partick Thistle at 2-0 on 10 min – Finished: 5-1 – NARROWLY FAILED!
AND – just to be greedy – a stealth Lubbock at Airbus UK v TNS called at 6-0 on 46 min [if we did the Welsh Leagues, which we don’t really] but it did end up as 12-0! That’s a Lubbock [LINK]!
– called West Ham United v Tottingham Hotspurs out of spite at 0-2 on 43 min – Finished: 2-3 – FAILED? IT STOPPED THE SCORING!
– called another Spite Gub – Liverpool v Brighton and Hove Albion at 2-0 on 41 min – Finished: 2-1 – NARROWLY FAILED!

A bit of a thin week for this usually-easy category, with only really West Bromwich Albion’s Charlie Austin, and two Frankies (Raymond of Bromley and Kent of Peterborough United) who really fit the bill (or the William…. but NOT Willie).

Annan Athletic got a true Stealth Gub [6-1] in their game with league leaders Cove Rangers as no-one called it.

There was a poorly chosen phrase in Sky’s commentary at the Liverpool game: “Brighton pretty much CAMPED in the Liverpool half”. Get you!

Alex Bruce (Kilmarnock)
Vadaine Oliver (Northampton Town)
Will Keane (Ipswich Town)

Harry Beautyman (Sutton United)
Jonathan Obika (St Mirren)
Nathaniel Mendez-Laing (Cardiff City)
Reuben Reid (Cheltenham Town)

Brandon Hanlan (Gillingham)
Jonathan Obika (St Mirren)
Jonjo Shelvey (Newcastle United)
Karlan Grant (Huddersfield Town)
Martyn Waghorn (Derby County)
Michael Smith (Rotherham United) x2
Myles Weston (Ebbsfleet United)

Josh Dasilva (Brentford) x3
Rhys Murphy (Yeovil Town)

Nathaniel Mendez-Laing (Cardiff City)
Scott Boden (Chesterfield)



Season 5 Game 24 (1-4 December 2017)


THE ‘overprotected? powerless? elimentary!’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the weekend birthdays of Britney Spears (36), Nelly Furtado [steady, Barney!] (39) and Lucy Liu (49).


All successfully deleted by Barney, so I will inflict one made up on the spot on you. So, your prize is…. “[Scott] Tiffoney scores – he has had the Brechin defenders for Breakfast.” [Breakfast…Tiffany…come on, don’t fall asleep…]. Note: Greenock Morton went on to win 4-1.

The Dread Hand Of BarneyThe Dread Hand of Barney
Jamille Matt at Grimsby Town [DIDN’T PLAY], Bernard Mensah at Aldershot Town [NO] and Matej Vydra at Derby County [SCORED!]  are this week’s victims. Poor Matej…

Stealth GubStealth Gub
We were all gubless this week.


The original planned categories were And Stay Out!, Claridge Clock, Not A Kid, Make Ya Ma Proud and Day Trip To Brighton.

The Results

Gary Madine (Bolton Wanderers) x2
Eddie Nolan (Crewe Alexandra)
Steven MacLean (St Johnstone)

Craig Mackail-Smith (Wycombe Wanderers)
Dwight Gayle (Newcastle United)
Erhun Oztumer (Walsall)
Kieran Agard (Milton Keynes Dons) x2
Mark Little (Bolton Wanderers)
Nathaniel Knight-Percival (Bradford City)
Nicky Ajose (Bury on loan from Charlton Athletic) x2
Tommy Rowe (Doncaster Rovers) x2

Josh Wright (Southend United)
Martyn Waghorn (Ipswich Town)

Henri Lansbury (Aston Villa)

Chris Porter (Crewe Alexandra) x2
Dominic Calvert-Lewin (Everton)
Jon Stead (Notts County)
Lyle Taylor (AFC Wimbledon) x2
Marc McNulty (Coventry City)
Matt Done (Rochdale)