Season 4 Game 20 (11-14 November)

THE ‘Drive with The Revenant and the White Queen’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the weekend birthdays of Ryan Gosling (36), Leonardo DiCaprio (42?!) and Anne Hathaway (34; not the one born c1555).


[a reverse from last week in that I’m sure there was one suggested here]
Chris: [nothing submitted]
Howard: ‘{Liam} Mandeville is feeling all Stoke-d’

The Dread Hand Of BarneyThe Dread Hand of Barney
Is deeply concerned with who will replace the lovely Desmond Carrington on The Music Goes Round. It hopes someone of a similar age, such as Brian Matthew will be entrusted with the job rather than an inexperienced type like Ken Bruce. With this on its mind, it was no real surprise that Solihull Moors’ [Akwasi] Asante broke the curse and scored, though Colchester United’s [Chris] Porter didn’t and neither did Livingstone’s [Liam] Buchanan, though the latter had the flimsy excuse that Livi weren’t playing at the weekend.

Reverse ChurchillReverse Churchill
Tranmere Rovers’ Micky Mellon dropped down two divisions to return to his footballing home, no doubt he’ll have been wishing he was back at Shrewsbury Town (possibly) after the Prenton Park outfit converted a half-time home 2-0 lead against Chester into a 2-2 draw at the final whistle.

Are You My Fag?Are You My Fag?
We know there are other players with double-barreled names out there, but once again it’s the Keanu Marsh-Brown (Forest Green) and Jay Emmanuel-Thomas show here. Which will probably get them into the Cambridge Footlights revue and at least one moderately-received series on BBC-4 sharpish.

Glenn & ChrisDiamond Lights
Well, this is rather tenuous, but Jazz legend Dizzy Gillespie’s favoured bass player was Sam Jones, who also scored twice at the weekend for Gateshead. A fine effort given the musician has been dead for 35 years.

Darwinism In ActionDarwinism In Action
This is almost too good. Highland League leaders Brora Rangers 8 (that’s E-I-G-H-T), bottom club Fort William 0. Case closed, m’lud.

Stealth GubStealth Gub
– didn’t call one – FAILED!
– called Millwall v Bristol Rovers, called at 3-0 on 58 min – Finished: 4-0 – FAILED!
– didn’t call one – FAILED!

Youre not a kid anymoreYou’re Not A Kid Anymore
Bobby-Joe Taylor of Maidstone United. Sounds like a Lad-Mag mainstay, but is in fact ‘The Stones’ (innovative nickname that) leading goalscorer to date.


A veritable wave of ‘Make Ya Ma Proud’s’ at the Portsmouth v Mansfield Town game, and all for the away team too. On-loan West Bromwich Albion full-back Kyle Howkins celebrated his Stags debut with a red card on 57 mins for a second bookable. Mansfield boss Adam Murray re-jigged the team, bringing on Alex Iacovitti on the hour to slot in at his familiar left-back role. Sadly, Iacovitti himself went less than 15 minutes later for a so-late-you-could-have measured-it-on-a-sundial tackle. Mansfield subsequently shipped three goals in the last 15 minutes, losing 4-0 and Murray resigned midweek after 14 years and four jobs at the club.

This week’s sponsors: Bolton Wanderers won many plaudits for turning down a deal with the usurers QuickQuid and dropping when it was revealed the spread-betting firm was offering odds on Bolton’s Under-18 games. However, that was before Bolton’s financial crisis, so when widely-panned online gambling site came up with the readies, the Trotters ran to the trough.

The Results

ThreeLeon Clarke (Sheffield United)
Nile Ranger (Southend United) x2

FourKyle Vassell (Blackpool) x2
Reuben Reid (Exeter City)
Scott Rendell (Aldershot Town)

OneLeon Clarke (Sheffield United)

ThreeJay Emmanuel-Thomas (Gillingham on loan from Queen’s Park Rangers)
Jay Simpson (Leyton Orient) x2

TwoBilly Clarke (Bradford City)
John-Joe O’Toole (Northampton Town)