THE ‘Scotty and Dot’s Alcoholocaust’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE
So named because of the midweek birthdays of Simon “NOT Scotty” Pegg (47), June Brown (90) and the “very funny” [NOTE: that translates as “unpleasant”] Jim Jeffries (40).
THE CATEGORIES
Zinger
Barney: ‘Kodjia, there and everywhere for Villa’
Chris: [quaffing champers on the Network Rail budget…?]
Howard: ‘Shepherd Murombedzi scores for Solihull Moors, making Woking feel crook’
The Dread Hand of Barney
Last seen looking for Cerberus, who slipped its leash around the fifth circle of Hell, according to local resident Jimmy Saville (and who *wouldn’t* trust him eh?). It did leave a note delivering bad vibes towards Callum Robinson at Preston North End, Jason Kennedy at Carlisle United, and Izzy Brown at Huddersfield Town, which only the Preston striker saw off.
Pagga!
Regrettably no, though the Sheffield Wednesday v Blackburn Rovers game had a couple of ‘confrontations’…
Reverse Churchill
Mr Wenger’s halftime chat which saw Arsenal’s wholly respectable 1-1 first half transcend to… [Censored!] er… so we’ll go with Steve McClaren’s words of wisdom turning a 2-1 lead into a 3-4 home defeat against Cardiff City. Bluebirds boss Neil Warnock will have been gutted, obviously.
Known To The Authorities
All scorers appear to have kept their noses clean. Curses.
Claridge Clock
A few solid contenders for the rosette, but Mansfield Town’s Yoann Arquin takes the prize, on account of having 12 clubs on his CV at 28, four years younger than Southend’s Marc-Antoine Fortune. Arquin’s ports of call include such highlights as Quimper, Syrianska and Hereford.
Stealth Gub
Barney said none were called!
You’re Not A Kid Anymore
Ollie Palmer at Luton Town is 25 years old and Oliver’s a perfectly good name. He’s also 6ft 5ins and no beanpole, so I’ll tell him you, the reader said that…
Miscellany
Very little to report as this was a slightly truncated midweek schedule, though we were impressed with Hope Akpan’s yellow card for dissent, followed by red for getting physical with the ref, in the space of around 60 seconds.
Shrewsbury Town’s Steven Humphrys celebrated his debut by scoring against Peterborough United (who doesn’t?), following this up with a red card for buzzsawing, appropriately enough, Chris Forrester.
The Results
Barry Corr (Cambridge United)
Jimmy Smith (Crawley Town) x3
Mark Beevers (Bolton Wanderers)
Tommy Rowe (Doncaster Rovers)
Darren Bent (Derby County) x2
Semi Ajayi (Rotherham United on loan from Cardiff City)
Che Adams (Birmingham City)
John-Joe O’Toole (Northampton Town)
