Season 4 Game 38 (14-15 Feb)

THE ‘Scotty and Dot’s Alcoholocaust’ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the midweek birthdays of Simon “NOT Scotty” Pegg (47), June Brown (90) and the “very funny” [NOTE: that translates as “unpleasant”] Jim Jeffries (40).

THE CATEGORIES

ZingerZinger
Barney:
‘Kodjia, there and everywhere for Villa’
Chris: [quaffing champers on the Network Rail budget…?]
Howard: ‘Shepherd Murombedzi scores for Solihull Moors, making Woking feel crook’

The Dread Hand Of BarneyThe Dread Hand of Barney
Last seen looking for Cerberus, who slipped its leash around the fifth circle of Hell, according to local resident Jimmy Saville (and who *wouldn’t* trust him eh?). It did leave a note delivering bad vibes towards Callum Robinson at Preston North End, Jason Kennedy at Carlisle United, and Izzy Brown at Huddersfield Town, which only the Preston striker saw off.

Pagga!Pagga!
Regrettably no, though the Sheffield Wednesday v Blackburn Rovers game had a couple of ‘confrontations’…

Reverse ChurchillReverse Churchill
Mr Wenger’s halftime chat which saw Arsenal’s wholly respectable 1-1 first half transcend to… [Censored!] er… so we’ll go with Steve McClaren’s words of wisdom turning a 2-1 lead into a 3-4 home defeat against Cardiff City. Bluebirds boss Neil Warnock will have been gutted, obviously.

Known To The AuthoritiesKnown To The Authorities
All scorers appear to have kept their noses clean. Curses.Claridge ClockClaridge Clock
A few solid contenders for the rosette, but Mansfield Town’s Yoann Arquin takes the prize, on account of having 12 clubs on his CV at 28, four years younger than Southend’s Marc-Antoine Fortune. Arquin’s ports of call include such highlights as Quimper, Syrianska and Hereford.

Stealth GubStealth Gub
Barney said none were called!

Youre not a kid anymoreYou’re Not A Kid Anymore
Ollie Palmer at Luton Town is 25 years old and Oliver’s a perfectly good name. He’s also 6ft 5ins and no beanpole, so I’ll tell him you, the reader said that…

Miscellany

Very little to report as this was a slightly truncated midweek schedule, though we were impressed with Hope Akpan’s yellow card for dissent, followed by red for getting physical with the ref, in the space of around 60 seconds.

Shrewsbury Town’s Steven Humphrys celebrated his debut by scoring against Peterborough United (who doesn’t?), following this up with a red card for buzzsawing, appropriately enough, Chris Forrester.

The Results

sheffield-wednesday-box
FiveBarry Corr (Cambridge United)
Jimmy Smith (Crawley Town) x3
Mark Beevers (Bolton Wanderers)


OneTommy Rowe (Doncaster Rovers)

charlton02
TwoDarren Bent (Derby County) x2

Arsenal
OneSemi Ajayi (Rotherham United on loan from Cardiff City)


TwoChe Adams (Birmingham City)
John-Joe O’Toole (Northampton Town)

OVERALL RESULT: AN UNDISPUTABLE WIN FOR THE OWLS!

Season 3 Game 35 (12-15 Feb)

THE FEEL THE ADDAMS FAMILY’S HOT FUZZ HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the weekend birthdays of Robbie Williams (42), Chrstina Ricci (36) and Simon Pegg (46).

THE CATEGORIES

ZingerZinger
Zingers are off the menu this week due to a combination of skivey excuses

The Dread Hand Of BarneyThe Dread Hand of Barney
Neither Jordan Rhodes (Middlesbrough), Lewis Hoult (Motherwell) or Matt Taylor (Bristol Rovers) troubled the scorers

DON'T CALL ME SHIRLEYDon’t Call Me Shirley
Jordan Bowery (Oxford United). Released by Rotherham United who had spent £600,000 on him the season before. There was no reason to mention that except to poke fun at the random signing policy of Steve Evans.

Make Ya Ma ProudMake Ya Ma Proud
To the far north – Annan Athletic, in fact, where young midfielder Ben Jago went on 90 minutes for violent conduct, after coming on as a sub. His contribution totalled approx 26 minutes. Montrose score the resultant penalty and equalise with the last kick of the game.

Tony Craig's Oyster CardTony Craig’s Oyster Card
Blank. Maybe it’s a fault with Contactless Cards…

Fresh HellFresh Hell
Mark Yates (a regular here), the former Chelteham boss and now manager of Crawley Town. It was 1-1 at the time of the “Mega-Pagga” (see below) but the team collapsed to a 4-1 defeat. At the end, it was 10 vs 10.

Born into BurberryBorn In Burberry
Initially we might have had to go with Troy Deeney but Baily Cargill (Coventry City, on loan from Bournemouth) easily took the cake here

Stealth GubStealth Gub
Barney
– called Coventry City v Bury at 3-0 on 21 min – Finished – 6-0 GUB ACHIEVED! (a Mullah-ing, in fact)
Howard
– called Kidderminster v Macclesfield at 3-0 on 25 min – Finished – 3-1 FAILED!
Chris
– called Blackpool v Shrewsbury Town at 0-3 on 34 min – Finished – 2-3 FAILED! 

Miscellany

Brought to you by the appropriately-named Wham Stadium – Accrinngton’s Shay McCartan and Crawley’s Simon Walton were singled out by the referee as the main offenders in a SEVENTEEN MAN BRAWL, which led to 9 minutes of injury time. Star of the show has to be Accrington’s Jason Mooney, who received a straight red for foul and abusive langugage. Mooney is the reserve goalkeeper and was not even on the pitch.

Emile Heskey, veteran lump/alleged striker, has, amongst his the middle names, Ivanhoe. Really.

The Results

sheffield-wednesday-box
NilA rare clean sheet!


FourLiam Dickinson (Guiseley)
Nathaniel Knight-Percival (Shrewsbury Town)
Nicky Ajose (Swindon Town) x2

charlton02
TwoKyel Reid (Bradford City, on loan from Preston North End)
Michael Smith (Portsmouth, on loan from Swindon Town)

ArsenalTwoEmmanuel Adebayor (Crystal Palace)
Kolo Toure (Liverpool)


10Billy Paynter (Hartlepool United)
Danny Philliskirk (Oldham Athletic)
Jamie Murphy (Brighton and Hove Albion)
Kyel Reid (Bradford City, on loan from Preston North End)
Lyle Taylor (AFC Wimbledon) x2
Paul Gallagher (Preston North End)
Scott Boden (Newport County)
Seamus Conneely (Accrington Stanley)
Steve Davies (Bradford City)

OVERALL RESULT: ONLY EVER ONE WINNER HERE – LUFFY’S BLADES!