Season 3 Game 38 (4-7 Mar)

THE Sir Viv hits 50 Shades of Shaq HEAD-IN-HANDS LEAGUE

So named because of the weekend birthdays of Sir Vivian Richards (64) 50 Shades of Grey director Sam Taylor-Wood (49) and NBA Legend Shaquille O’Neal (44, if you can have a legend in Basketball…).


‘Falkirk’s ‘Mark Kerr’ evaded his ‘Marker’ for the goal’ (Makes more sense when you say it, but not THAT much more sense. [But then he used up all his puns in the category below)
Chris: Self-inflicted alcohol wound
Howard: ‘Everybody’s Talkin’ about Nilsson’s goal for Stevenage’

The Dread Hand Of BarneyThe Dread Hand of Barney
It’s my sad duty to report Accrington’s Billy Kee snapped in the lock, Lyle Taylor wasn’t Swift for AFC Wimbledon and Doncaster’s Andy Williams Took His Eyes Off You. (Barney’s Zinger quotient has reached ‘Danger’ levels)

Make Ya Ma ProudMake Ya Ma Proud
It’s a rare blank for this category, no really, me neither but no incidents of maternal shame were noted over the weekend. Was China White’s closed or something?

Day Trip To BrightonDay Trip To Brighton
Oh, what do you think? That’s a ‘no, by the way


Local Boy Makes GoodLocal Boy Makes Good
Owls v Millers and Burnley v Blackburn are plenty grim enough for the category, but Altrincham v Macclesfield is a very special kind of drudgery.

Claridge ClockClaridge Clock
Another rare blank here, we had a few players who had 8 clubs on their CV, like Kelvin Langmead at Kidderminster Harriers, but none who reached the magic ten.

Where's Russell Martin?Where’s Russell Martin?
Millwall 3-0 Blackpool. 516 mile round trip in around 8 1/2 hours. A thoroughly suitable unrewarding away trip there which may also qualify for the Darwinism category too.

Stealth GubStealth Gub
– called Millwall v Blackpool at 2-0 on 24 min – Finished – 4-0 – FAILED!
– called Walsall v Brnsley at 1-3 on 61 min – Finished – 1-3 – FAILED!
– called Manchester City v Aston Villa at 2-0 on 48 min – Finished – 4-0 – FAILED!


Which is bought to you this week by Chigwell Construction, the new sponsors of Dagenham & Redbridge’s stadium – a whole lot snappier than The London Borough of Barking & Dagenham Stadium, their previous sponsor.

Only one story this week, Remi Garde’s halftime instructions to his players after 45 mins at the Etihad were meant to keep their wheels turning, keeping the score at 0-0. Alas, the pep talk led to the their bowels churning, as they shipped (shipped, I said) 2 within 5 minutes on their way to a 4-0 good seeing-to. Halftime Churchill du jour, as Garde probably has never said.

The Results

TwoHallam Hope (Carlisle United, on loan from Bury)
Michail Antonio (West Ham United)

TwoKelvin Langmead (Kidderminster Harriers, on loan from Ebbsfleet United)
Shaq McDonald (Halifax Town, on loan from Derby County)

NilA rare clean sheet!

NilAnother clean sheet!

SevenCraig Beattie (Stirling Albion)
Jason Holt (Rangers)
John-Joe O’Toole (Northampton Town) x2
Michael Higdon (Tranmere Rovers)
Scott Boden (Newport County)
Shaun Miller (Morecambe)